HONESTY HOUR.

I wanted to leave the fandom. I wanted to stay away from the immature and bratty fans that are now overtaking our world. I wanted to just lock up myself and be deprived of everything. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to be someone else that does not concern Super Junior and its fans. I wanted to be someone ordinary...

...I wanted.


PAST TENSE.

credit as tagged

True, I found another group to stan that's why I felt like I'm drifting away from the boys. But as I saw the picture above, I was brought back to my senses. I realized that whatever happens, these boys will always be my babies and this Sapphire Blue World will always be where I belong. To hell with the people who keep on ruining the name of this fandom.

On Feb. 16, we'll be flying to Singapore to watch Super Show 4 there on the 18th. No, I'm not boasting. But I just want to let everyone know that I'm on my way back home...

See you, Super Junior.

I missed you a lot.

Rain Gods' Destinies

As expected SUPER SHOW with Rain! - @siwon407

You know what?

I think it's not a secret anymore that in most of their concerts overseas, it rains. Hence, their tag as 'RAIN GODS'. I don't know why. Sometimes, I wanna kick them all to Africa or where there is intense drought. Often, I laugh it all off saying such things happen by chance... But come to think of it, I think everything's happening for a reason.

Maybe I'm just being superstitious and I guess it comes along with being a Filipino... But you see, rain symbolizes blessings. In my country, even if we end up being flooded all the time, people believe that rain means blessing. I think we're not the only race believing on that.

So yes, it just fortifies my belief that Super Junior's popularity is fated. It's not just by chance that they are on top, and I mean it. They are destined to be the number 1 group in the world, and the years of ups and downs which we've spent together with them are enough proofs for that claim.

It's not that I'm being biased and all. Honestly, I have another group I fell in love with and I'm kinda missing a lot on Super Junior-related issues nowadays; but I guess, this belief of mine is one thing that will never change. Even though a lot of groups debut and decide to overthrow Super Junior in my heart, I will forever believe that this fifteen men (YES, FIFTEEN.) are still and will always be the number one.

:>

SJ, Number 1.

Not many paid attention but there are some people who noticed that I actually closed this blog. It was an impulsive decision triggered by something that hurt my ego as a fan. I wouldn’t want to dwell on it anymore since it’s done and I’m finally being convinced of the possible excuses why it happened; so once again, here I am, enjoying the space I have especially intended for me and my angels.

It is not a secret that Super Junior had won the Disk Daesang in the recently concluded Golden Disk Awards in Osaka; and this is something that we’ve all been praying for. I’ve seen how each one of us exerted effort to buy the albums, vote on polls, and campaign for this group’s popularity. Well, obviously it paid off. We won.

Yes, I used the term ‘we’ because this is a combined effort of Super Junior and ELF. As we usually say, it is only on each other that we depend on, and I think we have once again proven the world that as long as we have each other, we can conquer everything.

There were no livestreaming and my internet was fucked up that night so I couldn’t properly spazz but I think it will be underrated to say that I trembled, I got anxious, I got nervous, and I got excited about the results. Although I was kinda confident that they will win, I couldn’t remove the possibility of result manipulations again. We all know the story, and before you accuse me of bashing other groups, I am telling you that I am merely stating the truth.

When I knew that they won, I suddenly remembered myself last year. I was crying, mumbling sorry to myself, hoping that the wind would deliver my sincere apologies to Super Junior members who I know were terribly disappointed. That night, I looked for someone to blame and I ended up blaming myself and the others for not trying hard enough. It was absurd, of course, but I took this fandom in a very serious manner – so serious that their disappointments have become my disappointments too. Even double.

Then I wrote an article entitled Sorry, SJ, Sorry. An excerpt from it circulated around the internet and this is what it said:

Jungsoo wanted to be congratulated by the end of the year.

This is Heechul’s birthday wish.

It could’ve been a good compensation when Yesung didn’t win a Digital Bonsang.

And yes guys, this could have been the best keepsake we can give Jungsu and Heechul before they enter the army.

But we couldn’t.

And you know what makes me cry harder?

It’s the fact that this would be the best news to give Kangin.

This could’ve been the best gift to welcome Kibum back.

And this could be the best reason to make Hangeng come back.

But now, as I reread it, I felt accomplished. I know that the Disk Daesang for 2010 was ours. It was returned to us, actually, in a form of a simple award-giving ceremony held on early 2011. But still, it felt different since our boys were announced as winners on the exact date that the awards were given.

And you know what I’m thinking?

Jungsu can now enter the army without any regrets.

This is something that could make Heenim prouder even when in service.

This is the best gift to welcome Kangin back home with.

This is the greatest reminder that Super Junior – along with Kibum and Hangeng – still exists.

And yes, this is the strongest proof that Super Junior, who are continuously being dragged down by different forces, is still standing strong.

Because at the end of the day, Super Junior will always be the group that conquered the world.

On his tweet, the leader said that if there is one thing that they do not know, it is ‘breaking up’; and ELF do not know it as well…

…Because we, together, define forever.

Super Junior: NUMBER ONE.

I guess the world doesn't need any explanations for this anymore.

Super Junior is really dominating the Philippines.

9 consecutive number ones for physical albums.

If only this would count in Hanteo. :D

Nonetheless, it's still a fact that Super Junior and Philippine ELF are at the number one spot in the country.

No pun intended. No boasting there.

Just plain truth.

And I am fucking proud.

Losing Hope on GDA?

I mean it. I no longer want to care about the GDA. Seriously. I know that there are a lot of stuff happening around and it makes me just want to focus on the fact that at the end of each day, it is not the number of trophies that would measure the greatness of my boys. It will always be the memories and inspiration they have successfully engraved in the hearts of fans like us.

But as I think about this issue, I realized that I think - even for the last time - I would really have to fight for what I believe is right. Since this was already posted in SJ Market, I think there's no doubting anymore. I guess it's understandable that something is just not right. Some people are up for mischief and they are decided to drag not just Super Junior, but the whole fandom, down.

I know it's too early to conclude; but considering what happened on 2010, I would never cease to assume. My heart and mind are both enraged. This is not what Super Junior deserved. Based on how I see it, we are being deprived of the things we know we should receive, and we are becoming the underdogs in the story.

Yes, I don't care about the trophies. But I care about how these boys - who are working almost 24 hours a day - would feel when the chance of being the best group for the last time will be taken away from them. I would never ever let anyone ruin the name and reputation of a group who reached the top mostly on their own.

I don't know what kind of actions Korean ELF will do about this. As an international fan, I could only provide support them; and make people understand that there really is something wrong. No, I'm not involving any other group. I just want everyone to see what might really be happening.

And I wish the issue isn't real. I really wish.

Beyond Whatever for the Love of Super Junior

I've got to be honest. I wasn't expecting anything but I was terribly annoyed when Super Junior didn't even come out in the list of the nominees for Song of the Year and Artist of the Year. Fine, don't give the boys the award but scratching them off the list when everybody knows that they should be there is just damn beyond annoying, infuriating, and insulting.

But when they got the Album of the Year, I knew that I have to let this pass - no matter how difficult it is.

And yes, it was Jungsu's speech that made me calm down.

"Even when nobody acknowledges us; even when nobody wants to give us a hand... To the ones that made us the best, the world's very best fan club, ELF."

TRANS: MinnieBlues

When he said that, I was brought back to my senses. And I realized that at the end of each day, it's not these Mnet, GDA, MelOn, or any award-giving body that would determine the kind of artist Super Junior is. Ate Yan was right when she said that time will come that these trophies and recognition will become irrelevant; and the one that managed to change the lives of so many people will prevail.

"Hi Singapore, we've lived through our 20's with everyone, thank you. With many difficulties, with so many things happening, the members depended on each other; also the members who are not with us - the ones watching TV right now, and the ones far away from us, I love you guys. When no one acknowledge us, no one knew us, the best fanclub who made us the best; as fans, letting us feel the 'mightiness', ELF all over the world - I thank you again. 

We, Super Junior are ugly ducklings, until the day we became swans...

...This award could be the last we receive before enlistment, it's an unforgettable awards ceremony; we will continue being a hardworking Super Junior. Thank you everybody."

- Leeteuk

TRANS: Psycho蝉儿

Then when I read Jungsu's full speech, I remembered this post in KPOPSecrets on Tumblr where the fandoms were compared. While everybody was fighting for the top spot, there is Triple S who are contented with what SS501 gives them. Through that, I was reminded of my previous posts. I was one of those people who were trying so hard to unite everyone (although to no avail) and yet, I went off-track just because Super Junior didn't win two out of five awards. (SJ's nomination is still an issue to me!)

Actually, it is difficult to accept that attempts to humiliate Super Junior are rampant. I'm not exaggerating when I said 'humiliating' because that is what I see. Many try to bring them down in order to put others on top; and I am not saying this just because I am a devoted fan. I just want to be fair.

I know I can't be like my Triple S friends who can keep calm despite everything. For a fandom that is always placed under the scorching criticisms of the world and for an idol-fans relationship that is always tested by fate, what they're doing is quite difficult to do. It's terribly distracting when it's us against the world, most of the time.

But the great compensation lies on the fact that we are battling against all these heartaches and frustrations... together. I can never be sure but when Siwon said that they're gonna give the best to us, ELF, because we deserve only the bests; I knew right then and there that we can move mountains together.

Their tears are as precious as their smiles to me. That's why when they got emotional on stage, I melted on my seat and told myself that with the remaining time I have with them, I would stop thinking of things that would just pain us all. If 'magic' would occur once again and we will be deprived of things we deserve, I'll just whine a little and probably let karma take control. Because I want to convince myself and others - as well - that since we do not know anymore what is going to happen next, then we might as well have to figure out how to make the most out of everything we have left.

"If the tears we shed when we received newcomer award were tears of grief after rising from trainees, today's tears are tears of happiness that we will be able to do better in the future."

- Leeteuk

TRANS: Heequeenting

People, life becomes more unfair when people attempt to treat everyone equally. But it is the attitude of those who are weakened that matters most. We all may have felt that Super Junior deserved those awards. But for Blackjacks, 2ne1 deserved that too. That's the course of life which I think we all forgot for a moment. Thank God for our boys that I managed to revive myself again.

What is important is that Super Junior bagged three awards: Singapore Popularity Award, Best Male Group Award, and Best Album of the Year. As some people have said, the Album of the Year is the highest award (since it's the last given) because no album would be great if the single and the artist isn't. I guess, we all just have to struggle among ourselves to accept that fact.

At the end of the day, awards wouldn't matter. So long as the boys owned the night and as long as we continuously believe in them - DESPITE EVERYTHING ELSE, it's still ours.

#ThankYouSJ

I can do a litany of reasons to thank you.

But I guess it will just some up to these:

Thank you, Super Junior, for giving me the life I've always wanted.

Thank you, Super Junior... for everything.

REPOST: A Call to All ELF in the World.

It’s not always that one finds the drive to live and believe like there’s no tomorrow. It’s not everyday that one think it’s necessary to be positive. After all, life ain’t easy. But as some gives up, some strives harder – not for their own satisfaction  but for the people who are depending on them for joy.

Jungsoo, Kyuhyun and Heenim. They are all examples of people who, despite their painful past, are doing everything they can to continuously show the fans a good image and to show that they love us so much, they’d be willing to take all the risk to make us happy.

Their physical injuries are not secrets to us. We know what happened. They got involved in car accidents. Heenim’s leg was broken that he had to bed-rest for months, and just so he would still appear good on TV,

he had to bite his tongue until it bleed so as not to be unconscious. Jungsoo was showered with shattered pieces of glass requiring 170+ stitches on his back and face, and the worst of all, Kyuhyun, who had to spend three months at the ICU, with fractured bones and injured lungs, and couldn’t speak for weeks due to trauma.

What transpired on 2006 and 2007 were not pranks. Those were real accidents which almost took the lives of three of our precious boys.

After some years, look at them now. For the 4th album, Jungsoo tried hard to improve his body. Heenim is participating on all promotional activities, and Kyuhyun is with the dancing group now. All of them are working hard, disregarding their physical conditions.

I hope it’s not just me who’s seeing this but Jungsoo, Heenim, Kyuhyun and the rest of the 10 members are doing everything they can to fill the void left by Kangin, Kibum and Hangeng. They’re working hard for us not to think that there’s something missing.

I wish everyone would appreciate all the efforts the boys exert. Please. Let’s stop demanding for what isn’t there, but cherish what we still

have. I know that convincing ourselves that it’s easy is the most difficult thing ever, but we have to think about the boys. We flaunt and say we’re hurting and we want SJ back together, but have we ever thought about how the boys feel on this?

Sometimes, we become too selfish that we focus on our own welfare alone.

We become too insensitive that we fail to protect Super Junior. We forget that when we hurt about these issues, they’re hurting double.

Because it’s them who are real brothers. It’s them who have stuck together for so many years. It’s them who know each other so well. It’s them who are members of Super Junior.

I’m not trying to build a wall between ELF and Super Junior. I’m merely stating my opinions. My point here is that when we cry, they cry harder. But still they work hard to show us the positive side of things. All we have to do is look at it and appreciate.

This is a call. Now is the time when the boys need us the most. Ten left, and so what? They’re still Super Junior and they will forever be, no matter what.

Honestly, I get emotional everytime I see the three perform. I do not want their efforts to go to waste. I do not want to disappoint my boys because they never do that to me. Especially Jungsoo, who I believe shoulders on himself, all the burdens.. because he’s the leader.

So let’s show much love to them. Promote the songs, introduce them to your friends, do trial listening (it’s confirmed to count on registered accounts), buy the albums, and watch their concerts. And mostly, believe in them.

Because these are the only things that we can do to make them feel appreciated. Let’s bring them again to number 1. Because that’s where they should be. Because that is their destiny.

Even If It Takes Forever...

I know I’ll see you all again with the group.

I know that I just have to wait and soon, Jungsu’s dream to perform with all of you on stage will come true.

Nothing’s impossible if we all believe.

Though it will take so much time; Though it will require so much faith.

I will keep hanging on.

Because whatever happens, you are all parts of the world we are in.

And nothing – not even a contract, the army, or acting – can topple that truth.

빨리 돌아와요~

The Leader's Dream

credits: lee-sungmin.tumblr.com; subs: credited as tagged

I have this dream. Before I enter the military, if only 13 of us would be able to perform together once…

I had that dream.

I know this may sound so selfish considering that it should be Heenim who I should pay attention to but remembering the leader, I can’t help but hurt whenever I realize that this dream which he has been or had been dreaming for, may no longer come true.

When he said this on Radio Star, I know he was serious. I know that his words back then meant something real. I know that that was what he wanted. Because as a leader, there is nothing better than seeing the group – he has taken care of so well and dedicated his whole life to – become one again..

Even for once.

The greatest burden is on Jungsu. Just like during Kangin’s enlistment last year, it is he who should stay the strongest. Because everybody else might just be depending on him for emotional strength.

It’s a difficult phase we’re in right now. And my heart hurts for anyone who’s leaving.

But you know, it hurts more to know that disappointment may come with all these goodbyes. And especially if it’s with Jungsu, I don’t think I can ever handle it well.

If only Jungsu can enlist last… This dream would then still be possible.

I Miss You.

This is one of the rare times that I cry because I miss Kim Kibum…

The way he walked to the car.

The way he scratched his nape.

The way he opened the car door.

The way he waved to the fans.

The way he bowed down before getting in the car.

This fancam lasts only a few seconds, but tears jerked up…

Because even though I tried to just not care and not just hope,

I still wish that you’ll be back.

video credits: palahae

MUST READ: The consequences of not being ONLY13

Why must Super Junior be ONLY13?

I believe, many ELFs have seen different versions of ONLY13, some of you agree, some of you don’t.

Many versions done by Chinese and Korean ELFs, started circulating between 2008 to 2009. I do not disagree, that many things have changed over the years. However, the concept of ONLY13, still stands. In fact, I strongly stand by the notion that, we should uphold it even more.

Please do not discredit me first. Hear me out.

Emotional versions, you have heard many. Since I am an older ELF (in terms of age), I would like to address this from a different aspect, no cries & plead, I want to point out the reality to all.

Why ONLY 13?

“ONLY 13” Does not mean we ANTI the other two. On the contrary, if you have been to any Super Show 3, you will notice, that we gave them as warm a welcome, as much support. However, to us, they will always be SJM, not SJ.

Everybody knows, when Super Junior was first formed, it was a pilot project, a 12 person boyband, to test the market’s acceptance level. Every year, there were supposed to have new members replacing old ones. Super Junior05 was debuted, with the anticipation of members being replaced anytime.

TWINS success in 2005, paved the road for Super Junior, a massive boyband, each has his own quality. ELF was formed. The success of Super Junior, was unexpected by the company, and ELF’s loyalty and power, also frightened them. The launch of U in 2006, promoted Super Junior from newbies to a much higher tier, but also created the first clash between ELF and the company. When the company decided to add one more member, ELF objected violently, because they were worried that with the incoming of this new member, it means someone existing, will need to leave. Fortunately, with the company’s words, and the new member’s efforts, ELF finally accepted a 13 member Super Junior, and Super Junior 05 officially dropped it’s 05, and became Super Junior. We, ELFs, now have our beloved maknae, Cho Kyuhyun.

I believe everyone must have heard that Kyuhyun really had a hard time when he first came. One day, he got drunk and complained to Ryeowook tearfully “Teuk hyeong doesn’t like me. He makes me suffer..” Now you can see this magnae is being spoiled by his pampered hyeongs, actually he beared hardship for 6 months before being accepted by his hyeongs. That’s why Eunhyuk said “The others please don’t come here, Teuk hyeong doesn’t like it.”

2007 is the most heart wrenching year for Super Junior and ELFs, a serious (almost fatal) accident, forced SJ to cease all work and projects. I believe ELFs are very clear about this, I do not need to elaborate.

2008, 2th album (2jib) celebrated Kyuhyun’s comeback, but it also ignited the 2nd clash. In Don’t Don’s mv, a new face was seen, a young man playing violin, and given a long solo. The attentive ELFs, suspected the company is up to some tricks again, started the movement: ONLY13. So, K ELFs did a silent protest, raised some cash to buy 1 share of the company, symbolizing ELFs, now becoming a shareholder, can vote in the AGM on any topics that will affect the company. And C ELFs also had a signature event with 10 thousand people. This seemingly ridiculous act, had successfully forced the company to declare: no new member will be added, no change of current member lineup. This “new face”, will only be included in SJM, a sub group that is targeting on China market. As a result, a first in history of kpop, additional members that do not belong to the core group, are now added in the sub group.

Don’t look down at us ELF!

Now, everyone will be asking, why do we insist on 13? Why don’t we just let the other two join?

ELFs then may not be able to predict what will the outcome be, for protesting. But, ELFs do know, what the outcome can be, if ELFs do not protest. These few years, I can feel even stronger, if not for the protest then, what will be the ending for SJ.

Lets fast forward to the present time:

2009, the highly acclaimed house of red, split into 2 due to contractual dispute, it’s fans were also divided. 2010, the leader from another promising boyband, due to the surfacing of his past extreme remarks posted in his blogs prior to debuting, left the group and the company (forced?/volunteered?). 2011, a young boyband had 2 of its 7 members shockingly replaced.

If, due to the departure of one member (take our case, Hangeng), the company is allowed to replace him, this will also means that the company can replace any member at its own whim and fancy. We can’t fight back: “you can only replace Hangeng, but not the rest”, as we have lost the first right (legally, if a precedent is set, all subsequent cases will usually follow what was done before). If departure is the “lawful” way, then the company can always force a departure, willingly, or not.

ELFs, think about it, If not for the fact that ELFs have been very forceful and stubborn about ONLY13 belief, l can literately count the possible results:

1) The first to be replaced will be our Angel Teuk and Flower Heechul.

Reason:

a. Their age, is way over the average age of a idol boyband

b. Teukie and Heenim’s popularity, ensures their solo career, taking them out, can allow new members to ride on the famous brand name SJ, while building their foundation

c. the Fanbase of both 83liners are very big, separating them, will divide the power of ELFs

2) Kangin’s return will be unpredictable.

Reason:

a. Kangin is strong headed, stubborn, brave, resulting in him having several brushes with law recently. From the company’s aspect, he is a problem child (if he is still considered a child). If not for fear of ELF’s power, for another protest, I am afraid, Kangin’s current fate, will not just be sent to army, it will be a total strike off. Even till now, ELFs have been closely watching Kangin while he is in the army, other than simply missing him, we are also ensuring the company do not assume that, they can wipe off Kangin from ELF’s memory, in the span of two years. Whether a return after he is dismissed from army, is secured, will depend largely on who will emerge as the winner, from this tug of war between ELF and the company.

3) Shindong’s future unknown.

Reason:

a. Lets face it, Shindong, having been surviving in a idol group for as long as 5 years, is a rare sight. He can be a great comedian, a compare, even a broadcaster, but if the company had absolute power to decide, what do you think, is the possibility of him staying in the group?

4) KRY will be singled out immediately.

Reason:

a. This is straight forward, KRY has the best vocal in the group, splitting them out first, will enable the company to redirect their resources, allowing them to focus on Japan and China market, markets that value ballards

5) Kibum’s return will be impossible.

Reason:

a. Kibum had always wanted to focus on his acting career, but, he has never object to participate SJ activities in –between. If the company can bring in new members easily, Kibum will have no worries.

After all these, our Super Junior, will be changed beyond recognition. Over the years, how many of the original members will still be intact? Is this the result we wanted? Fans will leave with their bias, separated & divided. Super Junior, will no longer be the Super Band, ELFs, will no longer be the strong backing.

From then on, Super Junior will no longer raise any emotional memories, ELF, the supposedly Patron Saint, will disappear, with the departure of the original members.

This, may be the reason why, our men, despite: not having to sing more than 10 seconds in each song, not being able to speak in most interviews, having to squeeze into overcrowding stages (to the extent that some have to face the wall & stop dancing), forgoing more financial gains, still decide to stick together, extended the contract. Even if we can’t gather all 13 now, even though those who are enlisted, went on solo temporarily, in hiatus, have yet to return, but, as long as they are still here, Super Junior, is still our Super Junior. However, a Super Junior without the original members, will no longer be Super Junior…

Chinggu, you can doubt my analysis, maybe things will not go the direction I thought, but, heart to heart, can we afford the possibility of such an outcome?

Let me stress again, ONLY13, does not exclude the other two, we never will. We will love them, protect them as well. However, should there be any conflict, if we need to choose, our only choice, is very clear, is the original 13 men from Super Junior core group. Super Junior, from Leeteuk to Kyuhyun, not a single missing.

If fans are not strong enough, they won’t be able to secure their idols.

You have the right to love many people, but I protect the original SJ only.

Author: Jeslyn Ho

My two cents:

This is what I am saying and I am immensely thankful to the great author for coming up with this. :)

To me, there are two kinds of ONLY13 ELFs in this world, those who know what they are doing and those who have no idea what they are there for.

First and foremost, I was never a part of the ONLY13 group and I have to admit that I had my fair share of hating them but when I knew of their reason for doing so, I knew I was wrong.

ELFs, I tell you. We did a great choice of sticking in this fandom.

ONLY13 people who continuously bash Henry and Zhoumi, stop it. You are doing it wrong.