Homecoming

Photo from SM Entertainment

The year 2013 was the last time Super Junior set foot in the Philippines to hold a solo concert. It was a long-wait, and admittedly, most have outgrown the group. Many left the fandom for their education, career, relationships and families; and it’s an inevitable choice that people sometimes have to make: priorities.

Five years later, who would have known that these people who thought they’ve already graduated from this kind of phase in their lives, will suddenly realize that in just a little more than a month, it’s time to come home again.

I have to admit. There were no expectations or whatsoever about this concert. I honestly promised myself that I would just come there and enjoy, and then leave afterwards, since I need to focus on my work, business, and some other projects I am currently working on. You see, I thought Super Junior has already turned into a mere entertainment, distraction from my real life. Like all others, I thought I am way past my eighteen-year-old self already. I thought of just selling my ticket, to be honest. At 29, I thought my priorities had changed; and this is just nothing more like a trip down the memory lane.

But for the nth time, Super Junior had proven me wrong.

On the eve of the concert, I couldn’t sleep. Friends from Indonesia and Davao were flying in to Manila and I dwelled on the idea that I just wanted to keep track on them. But later on, I unexpectedly realized that the excitement means more. You know that feeling during the eve of your elementary field trip, a family outing, or your birthday party? That was basically how I felt that night. In the midst of believing that excitement is now how we feel when we’re off to travel, or we’re going on dates, or it’s already a few minutes before you clock out from work, that night brought me to a child’s definition of excitement. It was unexpectedly precious.

The sun rose and I went to Manila early because I had to do some sort of tour guide duties for my Indonesian friend. As we go around Intramuros, I felt so nostalgic not because I used to study there, but because never in my whole life did I see myself walking around the city with foreigners I met through Twitter on 2009. I mean, talking about Asian history and Philippine and Indonesian laws is what adults do, right? But we did that while waiting for the time when we would have to go to the venue for the concert. 

When we arrived at the concert hall, the first thing I did was meet up with my old friends from Davao and Laguna. And then I went to where TeukAngels were and then, the more I was brought to deeper realizations.

Talking to Aya, Jen, and Shane while distributing flyers for Teuk’s birthday was like the biggest reality check for me. The reminiscing was real. All the stories from the past, all the people we met, and all the new fans who introduced themselves to us that day, convinced me that God didn’t just bring me there to watch a concert. I was brought there to remind myself to live and love again.

Remembering everything I told Shane and Aya that afternoon, I can’t help but feel proud of myself. I can’t help but realize how matured we became, talking about things like depression, anxiety, and relationships. These seemed too simple; but back in the days, we wouldn’t even know what to say when things like this come up. We used to care only for ourselves and how we can create a mark on Jungsu and Super Junior. Suddenly, we understood people more. Now, it’s all about caring for each other; and rather than competing for the boys to believe that we are the best fans ever, we were now more focused on convincing them that even after a long time of absence, they still have a strong fan base in the Philippines.

The concert started a bit late, making me feel anxious and a little disheartened. But when I finally got to enter the venue with Regene, the very friend who was with me on Super Show 2 in 2010, my emotions were all over the place. I saw myself just staring in awe at the people around me, hearing their deafening cheers and watching them wave their blue light sticks. It was a scene I never thought I have missed so much.

And then that’s when I realized that finally, I am home.

After the concert, it was a pandemonium inside me. Two and half hours passed by so quickly that I felt like it didn’t happen. But I know it did because my heart felt so full.

I went out of the venue in a trance. If not for Aya screaming my name, I wouldn’t have known where to go. I just knew I had to bring Sai and Asha back to their hotel but I didn’t really know how. My mind was blank, as if it wouldn’t process anything that involves the fact that I have to leave the venue.

Now that I think about it, the difficulty to book a taxi is perhaps a blessing; because while waiting for the Grab app to work, I had my most favourite post-concert moment with Aya.

While watching people in a rush and while staring at the moonlit sky above, Aya and I were just sitting on the stair steps in front of the venue entrance when I suddenly heard myself telling her that I don’t want to leave the place yet. I said I wanted to savour the moment that I’m there while the boys are still inside and my friends are everywhere. Because during the whole time I was there, I felt infinitely safe, like nothing hurts. I felt like finally, after so many years, I’ve come home to where I really belong.

And for the first time in five years, I can confidently say that I am okay.

When I was younger, I ran this blog with articles saying how much impact Super Junior has made in my life. I kept on talking about how they are like miracles and blessings, and all good things to me; and I thought I have experienced everything they can give. But Super Show 7 in Manila convinced me that like how they are in everything else, they will consistently exceed my expectations.

Because this time, they do not just provide me with an escape. They have indeed molded my world into something I can totally be proud of; and I have just noticed that during the concert. 

Starting from when I reunited with my friends, it was already a proof of how these boys contributed immensely to my life. Because of Super Junior, we broke the stigma towards the internet, saying that no authentic relationship will ever bud out from it. But look what we have now? A family.

And as I watch the concert with them, I can't help but be more emotional. Because if you're there, you will also feel that it wasn't just a show. It was a sincere homecoming for everyone.

Right now, my heart is still full. Looking back at the years spent with and without Super Junior, I sincerely wish that every new fan today will get to experience the miracle brought by these boys. I hope that whatever blessing we have received by loving them unconditionally be given to you too. Because even though a lot of people would say that we’re weird for loving guys who wouldn’t even know who we are, trust us when we say that it doesn’t really matter because our love for each other will always be stronger, and enough to hold us tight together.

And then when another set of years pass by, it will be your turn to realize how Super Junior and this fandom will always be ready to welcome you home. 

...

I was watching KBS when I saw tweets of people telling Jungsu to stay strong. Instinctively, my heart grew worried, knowing that something bad happened. I thought there was a new issue. I thought he was caught up in a scandal. But eventually, I learned that his father and grandparents were killed in a car crash just a few hours ago.

Reality was worse than my thoughts, obviously.

I have lost track of Jungsu, I know and I admit that. But being his fan for years, I have known that he is really the person who values his family so much. He had always loved his grandparents. Also, I know there were differences between him and his dad before, but friends informed me that they have already settled everything and were making up for every opportunities they have lost in the past, despite Jungsu being in the military.

It was already painful to know that he, his mom and his sister had lost three family members in one night; but it is even more painful to know that he didn't even get to say goodbye. Serving the military as a regular soldier, we all know he couldn't just go home anytime he wanted to. He was away from his family when the accident happened.

I can hardly imagine how painful it is now for him.

I'm tracking the news via Twitter and tears were freefalling; especially when Donghae was mentioned. Before the younger member's dad died years ago, he asked Teuk to take care of his son; and we all have become witnesses to how the leader fulfilled and fulfills his promise.

Now, it's Donghae's turn to take care of his hyung.

Another thing that made me totally emotional is that people mentioned the accident from 2007. God knows how much that piece of memory affects me; and now that I am reminded of it once again, I can't help but cry.

When the accident happened, it's Kyuhyun who almost died. Teuk, then severely injured because of the shattered pieces of glass that pierced through his back and face, kept on murmuring his name as he was carried to the ambulance through a stretcher.

I know I'm kinda overthinking things again; but how sure are we that those memories won't resurface the moment they all gather together?

And how sure are we that those memories won't add up to the pain that Jungsu and his family is feeling right now?

God, I just want to hug Jungsu even in my dreams. Please, please let him know that everyone's coming together to pray for the eternal repose of his father and grandparents. And I know it would console him to know that everyone from the past and present is giving him, his mom and Inyoung, support.


Park Yongin abeonim, halmoni, haraboji.... Rest in peace.

After Six Years...

Yesterday, I came across the news about a Hong Kong popstar's death by car crash. I may not know who Sita Chan was but her death affected me. The incident obviously triggered my nostalgia, especially because it was April 18 when it happened. You see, it's just a day before the 19th; and the horror of April 19 never actually left my reverie.

I know I should move on and all. I don't even know them yet when that happened. But unknown to some, that was exactly what turned me into a fan. When I saw the clips of the accident being shown in Star King while Kyuhyun was singing A Whole New World with Charice Pempengco, it all began.

Truth is, I don't bask on the horrifying truth that I couldn't have known Kyuhyun and Jungsu (and Hyukjae and Donghee). The nostalgia immediately fades whenever I remember the incident, leaving me with nothing but intense gratefulness that... yeah, they're alive.

I may no longer be active in this fandom; but I never left. While I do think of that because of some normotic and obsessive fans, I could never push through. Because I love the fact that these boys are parts of my life. I'm glad to be here. I'm glad to be with them. 

And I am really thankful that fate had laid out bigger plans for them. And I wish that they are given longer lives and better chances to enjoy it well. 

Always the Leader

To. My lovely Fans! My everything is in the ELF’s two eyes…

I’m Super Junior’s leader Leeteuk!! Ah… I’m the 85th recruit, Park Jung Soo right now!! How are all of you? I’ve gone past Euijungboo and I’m now at the White Horse RTC (Recruit Training center) and having a good time with fellow soldiers that are 10, 11 years younger than me!

I’ve gone from being Super Junior’s leader to now being the leader in my squadron as a recruit. Even here, I’m feeling a lot of popularity. ^^

Before I came here, I was really nervous and scared, but now that I’m actually here I’ve realized that it’s really nothing compared to what I did before. ^^

Thank you so much for the hand written letters and the internet letters! I read every letter clearly here and sometimes I even tear up. Thank you.

I’m just always thankful. I had the most people come when I enlisted? You’re really the best!! I was supposed to take care of our 7th anniversary and the college entrance exams, so I’m sorry. As I work here, do you know that I miss you even more? I miss being on the World Tour with the other members and seeing the blue glowsticks and hearing all the cheers.

Ah! The DVD that we released in Japan was 1st! And ‘Boys in City‘ and there are a lot of other things that you can see me in, so please look forward to it!! I hope everyone can smile brightly through the end of the year awards and conclude everything nicely! I miss, miss, miss you and I really really really really really want to see you guys…. You all have to be happy and healthy! There is a saying that goes, ‘You don’t laugh because you’re happy, but you’re happy because you laugh. So everyone, take care of yourself!!

ELF!! I love you…

From leader Teuk!! ^^

TRANS: Allkpop

------------------------------------

Once the leader, always the leader.

Even when in the army, he really makes sure that he gets to do his responsibility as Super Junior's leader. Still helping with the promotions despite being in service.

I love you too, babe. 

Sehun's trying to kill me. Come back soon.

The 7th Year...

So it's finally the 7th year anniversary.

I don't want to sound less interested but God knows I don't want to sound so trying hard either. It's November 6 and as much as I want to feel elated, I have to admit that I can't force a part of me into it.

Because this year, it's just so different for me. Because you see, the absence of the leader is taking ts toll on me.

I purposefully did not update myself about his enlistment. I purposefully did not intend to do anything unlike when Hee and Kangin enlisted. I purposefully pretended like I didn't care because I can't afford to be a complete mess. Things in my real life had gone out of hand that moment too and I have a family to support, so if I break down, I wouldn't be able to work and that would mean no money to provide for my loved ones.

But I guess, a day of nursing the pain of Jungsu's absence wouldn't damage me that much.

It's almost a week and for that whole span of time, I felt restless and quite incomplete. Perhaps, it really has something to do with my real lovelife but why would I deny that this whole army ordeal contributes too? I always run to Jungsu whenever I feel like a trash in the real world because although he doesn't know me, I know that he values me as his fan.

But obviously, he's temporarily gone.

And now it's the 7th anniversary and I should be happy. But as I said, I can't be fully happy when someone so special is out there. I know it's just the same when Heechul and Kangin left for enlistment, but there lies the great difference that Park Jungsu is Leeteuk, and Leeteuk is my bias.

Nonetheless, I wish the other members a thousand congratulations. It has been seven years, five of which I've been with them. Kangin's back and Heechul's coming back soon. While I can't even fathom why these things wouldn't pacify my incompleteness, I still hope that everybody would take the time to celebrate one of the best moments of our lives as ELF. It's not everyday (although it feels like that most of the time) that the group turns seven anyway.

So yeah, thank you Super Junior for the seven years of joy and happiness, of sorrow and tears, of hellos and goodbyes, of love and just love. Thank you for completing our lives and for allowing us to somehow be part of yours. What we have will never be replaced, no matter how many times we look toward the directions leading away from the other. Because in the end, our paths will still meet because since the very beginning, our destinies are intertwined as this.

I love you, guys. Happy anniversary!

It's Been a Good Year...

Time flew fast.

Who would have thought that it has already been a year since I started the project for Park Jungsu?

I, myself, never thought I could last that long.

But I guess the motivation stayed and I'm just glad to have been part of World Vision for a year now. It feels good to know that Jolito, Jungsu's foster kid, is enjoying his childhood and is able to go to school because of the contribution I send monthly. 

No, I'm not trying to flaunt.

I just want you all to know how fulfilling it is so you may do it as well.

Jungsu's enlisting to the army in a few days.

And I wish that when he gets back with us after two long years, he would know that someone has managed to live a better life because of him. 

Coming Close to the Beginning of an And

I feel so superficial. After a long time of neglecting this site, here I am again, writing about something so sensitive - one thing which I have long dreaded to talk about. While many think that it's absurd of me to do this since I tagged myself as a disloyal fan, I will still go on with what I want to say about Park Jungsu's enlistment.

I've always said that I will never be ready for the time when Jungsu has to enlist. I feared the day that we have to say farewell temporarily to the person who I have loved for so long. This is because I hated separations. I hate having to say goodbye.

But everything is inevitable. I have always known that sooner of later, Jungsu would have to leave for service. I would have to face the fact that I'm not gonna see him with the group for two years, especially since I have the inkling that he will enlist as a soldier. Much to my despair, news about the issue began to spread and I had no other choice but to avoid the pain. So my system had to resort to its ultimate defense: DISTANCE.

I decided to distance myself from Jungsu and the rest of Super Junior. That's how I found the other groups which I stanned. You see, I needed distractions because the pain was eating me up. Putting it simply, I decided to say goodbye before they do. 

To those wondering, it wasn't an easy decision. Park Jungsu is a huge part of my life for so many years and I would never forget just how much help his inspiration had provided me. I may look like I'm over him totally, but why would I deny the fact that I'm not? Even if I want to get away from this man for real, I just can't. I really can't.

That is why when I learned he was fixing his enlistment date already, I felt divided. A part of me wanted to go back but the other half prevailed. I actually pushed him away more.

Ridiculous, right? I thought I would end up really out of his shadow; but I woke up one day only to find out that the road I took actually led to him too. 

By pushing him away, I got to see things from an ordinary fan's perspective. That's when I realized that there is no point on getting depressed over his enlistment because two years fly fast. More so, why should I cry and mull over something that I should have or had always expected to happen? Was there a need to contradict destiny? Could we even do that, to begin with?

Two years is two years,  know. I can totally understand that it hurts to be away from someone you've gotten used to always be there. It sucks to wait. 

But is this how Jungsu wants us all to be?

Perhaps, yes; but I think that what he needs more is the assurance that we will still be here when he comes back. He had always feared that he'll be forgotten while he's in the army, so I wanted to focus on that aspect, than to mope around because he's leaving. Like how he always say: It's not an end. It's an and.

On October 30, he's gonna enlist (FINALLY). It's finally the start of his 2-year journey as an ordinary Korean. I honestly don't know what to feel at the moment. But if I have to name one emotion. I'll choose the fact that I FEEL PROUD.

Serving the army constitutes a lot of courage and valor; and I just feel happy that Jungsu chose to be a soldier despite his injuries. I feel proud that he's finally ready to face this course of his destiny. Fear might still be overwhelming but I trust his convictions enough to know that he's gonna go through it perfectly.

I still can't tell though if I would want to hear news or see pictures of his enlistment. I know I've been through this with Kangin and Heechul, but you see, Jungsu is different. He is Leeteuk, after all. 

*sigh*

Jungsu had always stayed strong. And I guess I want to do the same for him.

I'm keeping my promise. I'm sticking with you. I've gone back home just in time before you leave. I'm not letting go. 

I will wait for you. 

Army Thing... Jungsu?

So it's time, huh?

Maybe I was just too busy, or maybe I really ended up not paying attention.. But obviously, time flew fast and in a few days, it's gonna be September. And you know what this month is well-anticipated for? Park Jungsu's enlistment.

I don't really know what to feel. I have kept my distance in hope that this would not hurt as much as it would; and frankly speaking, I think I did a good job. I have to admit that a part of me doesn't want to care anymore...

Truth be told, I think Jungsu's enlistment would just like Heechul's. He had been through a severe accident in 2007 so I doubt they would let him enter the army as a soldier. Although I have this thought that Jungsu would indeed prefer to serve the military as a soldier than a public servant, I still believe that there is this huge possibility that the leader would just end up within the reach of the admiring public.

So that is the reason why I couldn't feel so despaired anymore, as opposed to how I thought I would be, way back in the past.

However, I guess it's not wrong to admit that his enlistment does affect me.

I know Super Junior would still do well, and they would all be okay - even without Jungsu by their sides. The legacy would continue because the remaining members are equipped and blessed with the capabilities to retain the popularity and success of the group.

But to be honest, I couldn't imagine Super Junior without the leader. Although we've experienced this twice already and we even lost another member before, it's different when it's Park Jungsu. And it's not just because I'm a stan...

It's because the leader plays a very integral role in maintaining utmost harmony among everyone. He has the power to impose whatever with just a stare, a smirk, a smile, a laughter, or some words. Jungsu has that influence which nobody among Super Junior could equate.

Most importantly, I couldn't imagine myself having no one to troll this much. lmao.

No seriously, I somehow feel sad that he's finally enlisting. But dude, I'm seeing the brighter side. I've pushed him to the army, right? After two years (which will certainly fly fast), I will start pushing him to get married.

Hehehe.

I Love You

I want to express myself using every language but it seems like I can only express myself the best in Korean so I can only shout out to the fans like this..thank you..!!!for allowing me to feel that love has no age or country barriers..Thank you for being part of Suju(,) part of ELF and I love you..

ㅠㅠ 

-Leeteuk

(trans by @teukables)

I love you, Park Jungsu.

I may waver a lot and I may not look at you a lot, but nothing can erase the fact that you are my home, 

and home is where my heart will always be.

It's Party Time with the Sexy, Free and Single (?)

When I saw the teaser for the first time, I didn't like it. Another box, just better. Then people were pointing out that the set was another recycled one because it was used already in one DBSK MV. Hyuk was made to wear something Sehun wore for History. And the song was somehow auto-tuned again.

But as I watch it for the second time, it felt like brand new. And I knew that I just got used to the old Super Junior scheme that I didn't notice the fact that Super Junior is presenting me with something quite extra ordinary.

There is something to expect, I thought.

***

I've listened to all SJ songs and I can say that this style is beyond their usual. When I first heard the song in full, I was easily addicted to it. It came unexpected though because although it has the same Yoo Youngjin-feel, it is strangely unique. Like there's something in it which was prepared for the past years.

Maybe I don't know much about music but I could say that this is close to club music. It makes you dance. It makes you move. It makes you close your eyes and imagine yourself popping to the beat. It makes you wonder if this is really Super Junior... or another group.

The song is addicting, and it is fucking way better than Mr. Simple.

***


I woke up to a bad weather. It was raining hard and even my parents were clueless why the weather was weird. There weren't any news that there's typhoon either. Class and work suspensions were announced here and there. And then, my TList told me that it was also raining in some parts of Singapore and Japan (where it was supposed to be sunny)... 


The answer came to me on 12PM KST though. SM Entertainment released the Sexy, Free and Single music video of Super Junior.

Rain kings, they are.


The music video is far better than I expected. Although they were still in a box, it was way better than anything else. You would easily notice that the company had indeed put effort for them this time. I personally love the sets...


AND THE EFFECTS.

I personally like the octagon design, although until now, I am not sure as to what that was for. I love how it exploded into pieces and then Yesung faded in singing his lines. The jumps were a little off for me but I think it was needed.

And then don't talk to me about the camera shots because I am fucking spazzing over it. IT DIDN'T MAKE ME DIZZY, that alone is reason enough to call this video perfect.

***


The choreography is awesome. 


It is not as move-y as Don't Don, not as complex as Sorry Sorry, not as catchy as Mr. Simple... But being a former dancer, boy the choreography is difficult. YOU WOULD NEED INTENSE SENSE OF BALANCE TO PERFECT THE STUNTS!

Many people would not agree. I, myself, didn't like it the first time I saw it. But it will grow on you guys, believe me. Although it looked like it was really intended for older dancers, it is really something we can call a 'GREAT DANCE'.

Why? Because the choreography is awesome.

***

The boys, themselves, basically slapped me with reality: SUPER JUNIOR OWNS ME.


I don't care about the leather whatever or Siwon's weird hairstyle, or anything else. These boys are perfect whatever you make them wear. The charm compensates for everything. The charm which is very broad to be explained by words.

Every flick, every stare, every move... It nails me permanent to the fact that yes, Super Junior owns me.

Cho Kyuhyun, I'll get back to you for killing me. Just wait.

***


Now, here comes one of the most special reasons why Sexy, Free & Single is awesome: Kim Yongwoon. 


After three longing years, here he is now - back and alive. Seeing him performing and keeping up with his brothers, I can no longer complain about anything else against SME. The fact that they brought him back is a reason enough to just keep my mouth shut for any flaw (if ever there is one).

His voice is as flawless as ever. Although it was obvious that he was struggling with the choreography, he managed to cover it up with his presence.


And no other reason could top that.

***

HAVE A GOOD TIME, IT'S PARTY TIME.
BECAUSE SUPER JUNIOR IS HERE.

LET'S ALL WELCOME THE KINGS BACK.

Are We Nearing Goodbye?

Truth be told, I don't feel any excitement about the 6jib. Don't get me wrong though. It's just that I feel it was  so rushed, I wasn't even able to prepare.

But the comeback is actually far from my real concerns when it comes to Super Junior. My attention is really on the fact that we're really getting there.

Park Jungsu is really entering the army soon.

Honestly? I don't know what to feel. But I think I'll be fine. I've stayed away long enough to test myself and I realized that I'll be able to get through it.

I think I really have to tell it here (although not many would really care).

When I got my Mr. Simple and as I listen to all the tracks, one particular struck me like lightning: My Love, My Kiss, My Heart. I didn't really look for its translation but as music never fails to find its way to me, I had the inkling of what that song was trying to say: Goodbye.


I can still remember how I talked to Danica that night, crying as I type the words I've always dreaded to say. The 5JIB presented itself to me in a deeper manner. It's more than just being the fifth album of Super Junior. It's more than just new songs.

To me, the Mr. Simple album was like a subliminal instrument to tell me, and all of us in this fandom, that they're about to take their own paths, quite far from us.

Since then, I have forced myself not to pay too much attention anymore. Since then, I built walls around my fragile heart. Because as everyone knows and as how I've always pointed out, I am weak when it comes to parting. I realized then that I have to get myself used to not being with them, so that when the time comes, I wouldn't have to hurt so much.

Because no matter how much I try to deny, it will hurt like hell if Jungsu leaves.

That's when I focused my attention on other groups... So now that 6JIB is about to be released, I feel like I'm starting to get lost again. Honestly, I am torn between just keeping the distance or going back to the place which I've missed so much but fear a lot.

*facepalm*

Finally...

For many fans, there are two things that we know. One, it is normal for us to love people who are not even aware of our existence that's why; Two, we content ourselves with the fact that our idols appreciate our country in general.

Yes, the greatest and most realistic thing a fan could ever receive from her idols is recognition. The fact that her country is mentioned by someone she loves so much is more than enough compensation to all the efforts, time and money given out for him. Though it's technically asking something in return, I believe that there is no fan in this world - especially of Super Junior, who is popular WORLDWIDE - who wouldn't feel thrilled if even just her country will be mentioned by the boys. Although I cannot deny that there are some who couldn't be contented that they end up stepping into a delusional phase, which is of course, another story I wouldn't want to discuss.. YET.

So yeah, appreciation... or let's call it recognition.


Let me tell you a story: When Super Show 2 Manila was announced, a group called SuJu MAD was formed. It consisted of fans who volunteered to handle projects for the members. There weren't salaries for the work and most of the expenses most likely came out from their own pockets; and for donations, they had to think of their own ways to accumulate the needed amount for the project from fellow fans who are willing to shed out cash for these boys. Personal efforts for the benefit of the Philippine ELF's reputation.

But although it was for a good cause, I can't say that SuJu MAD - along with SJUPH - succeeded that time. Maybe it's because of the hype that it was the first time that SJ came to the Philippines, so yeah, such excuse was counted.

Then...

A chance to prove our worth once more as a strong fandom came through SS3 Manila, and I tell you.. the preparation... and the success... were truly imposing.

Cutting the story short, through the combined efforts of the fans - and some detractors who strengthened our bond, the Philippine ELF managed to prove the whole world that we are indeed an SJ-country.

Yes, each one of us who were there in SS3 Manila (in body and in thoughts) were part of the concert's success. Until now, I find it amusing how we came as one for the sake of our reputation as a nation that loves Super Junior. It was just so awesome that that night felt so surreal...

And as the night ended, we all knew that we marked our position in the hearts of Super Junior...

.
.
.

But recently, I started thinking that maybe what we did aren't enough. It hurt like hell, especially that I was one of all of you who exerted her 110% for the projects to be successful. I had to force myself to walk in two weeks (as I got into a major accident almost a month before Super Show 3 MLA) just so I could attend to my responsibilities in this fandom.

Summary: I felt like we were forgotten... by Jungsoo.

But then, things changed, thanks to Super Show 4 Bangkok.

.
.
.

Some Philippine ELF went to Bangkok and literally brought flags and banners to raise to Jungsu. It was not a project. Rather, it was an impulsive action by people who probably share the same sentiment as mine. While we were all losing hope, something unexpected happened.

On the third day of Super Show 4 Bangkok, Park Jungsu finally spoke of what I've always longed to hear. He recognized the Philippines and much more, he said 'Mabuhay, Philippines.'

Wow moment. When Cla tweeted that, I cried... and for a moment, everything became irrelevant.

Jungsu... Mentioned.. the Philippines.

Finally.

Who would have thought that two words would make me scamper back to where I used to be? I've declared myself to be Henry-biased already, and although that doesn't change, I feel like I'm drifting back to the leader, just when I thought I wouldn't anymore. It's like everything's wiped off with those words. Funny.

I don't know how exactly did he finally remember us, but I want to believe on two things: He realized that there is indeed a country called the Philippines, and that he managed to see the dedication of the Philippine ELF to show him that we love him so much. Whichever, I have Park Jungsu to thank.

This is funny. I feel like writing an apology letter. While I feel confident about what I'm saying, I feel shameful. I've done wrong and I've grown immature... But it's just that I don't want to be dishonest anymore.

So yeah, I've posted this.

And hey, Jungsu, once again.. Thank you. :)

Backfire

BEFORE REACTING, READ THE WHOLE POST FIRST.

Disclaimer: I AM NOT AN ANTI. LOL.

I was literally laughing so hard when Ms. Stacy (Siwon's friend) called me Ms. Toes and Angel Toes. I don't know why she called me like that all of a sudden but I know that she finds my Twitter ID cute. I even told her that it's in admiration of Kyuhyun's toes... Although it's just a part of the whole truth.

Not everybody knows why I use the name KYUtoes on Twitter so I'm telling the story.

It all started with this:

(source)

[Trans] @special1004: Macau was where we did a photoshoot when we first debuted.. It's really a place that contains many fun and happy memories.. And now it's become a reality that we're having our independent concert in this place, Macau ^^ We're always challenging ourselves to write new history! We're just.. Super Junior!

via: allrisexhiatic

allow me to cry, Jungsu.

Allow me to cry.

:'( 

HONESTY HOUR.

I wanted to leave the fandom. I wanted to stay away from the immature and bratty fans that are now overtaking our world. I wanted to just lock up myself and be deprived of everything. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to be someone else that does not concern Super Junior and its fans. I wanted to be someone ordinary...

...I wanted.


PAST TENSE.

credit as tagged

True, I found another group to stan that's why I felt like I'm drifting away from the boys. But as I saw the picture above, I was brought back to my senses. I realized that whatever happens, these boys will always be my babies and this Sapphire Blue World will always be where I belong. To hell with the people who keep on ruining the name of this fandom.

On Feb. 16, we'll be flying to Singapore to watch Super Show 4 there on the 18th. No, I'm not boasting. But I just want to let everyone know that I'm on my way back home...

See you, Super Junior.

I missed you a lot.

Rain Gods' Destinies

As expected SUPER SHOW with Rain! - @siwon407

You know what?

I think it's not a secret anymore that in most of their concerts overseas, it rains. Hence, their tag as 'RAIN GODS'. I don't know why. Sometimes, I wanna kick them all to Africa or where there is intense drought. Often, I laugh it all off saying such things happen by chance... But come to think of it, I think everything's happening for a reason.

Maybe I'm just being superstitious and I guess it comes along with being a Filipino... But you see, rain symbolizes blessings. In my country, even if we end up being flooded all the time, people believe that rain means blessing. I think we're not the only race believing on that.

So yes, it just fortifies my belief that Super Junior's popularity is fated. It's not just by chance that they are on top, and I mean it. They are destined to be the number 1 group in the world, and the years of ups and downs which we've spent together with them are enough proofs for that claim.

It's not that I'm being biased and all. Honestly, I have another group I fell in love with and I'm kinda missing a lot on Super Junior-related issues nowadays; but I guess, this belief of mine is one thing that will never change. Even though a lot of groups debut and decide to overthrow Super Junior in my heart, I will forever believe that this fifteen men (YES, FIFTEEN.) are still and will always be the number one.

:>

SJ, Number 1.

Not many paid attention but there are some people who noticed that I actually closed this blog. It was an impulsive decision triggered by something that hurt my ego as a fan. I wouldn’t want to dwell on it anymore since it’s done and I’m finally being convinced of the possible excuses why it happened; so once again, here I am, enjoying the space I have especially intended for me and my angels.

It is not a secret that Super Junior had won the Disk Daesang in the recently concluded Golden Disk Awards in Osaka; and this is something that we’ve all been praying for. I’ve seen how each one of us exerted effort to buy the albums, vote on polls, and campaign for this group’s popularity. Well, obviously it paid off. We won.

Yes, I used the term ‘we’ because this is a combined effort of Super Junior and ELF. As we usually say, it is only on each other that we depend on, and I think we have once again proven the world that as long as we have each other, we can conquer everything.

There were no livestreaming and my internet was fucked up that night so I couldn’t properly spazz but I think it will be underrated to say that I trembled, I got anxious, I got nervous, and I got excited about the results. Although I was kinda confident that they will win, I couldn’t remove the possibility of result manipulations again. We all know the story, and before you accuse me of bashing other groups, I am telling you that I am merely stating the truth.

When I knew that they won, I suddenly remembered myself last year. I was crying, mumbling sorry to myself, hoping that the wind would deliver my sincere apologies to Super Junior members who I know were terribly disappointed. That night, I looked for someone to blame and I ended up blaming myself and the others for not trying hard enough. It was absurd, of course, but I took this fandom in a very serious manner – so serious that their disappointments have become my disappointments too. Even double.

Then I wrote an article entitled Sorry, SJ, Sorry. An excerpt from it circulated around the internet and this is what it said:

Jungsoo wanted to be congratulated by the end of the year.

This is Heechul’s birthday wish.

It could’ve been a good compensation when Yesung didn’t win a Digital Bonsang.

And yes guys, this could have been the best keepsake we can give Jungsu and Heechul before they enter the army.

But we couldn’t.

And you know what makes me cry harder?

It’s the fact that this would be the best news to give Kangin.

This could’ve been the best gift to welcome Kibum back.

And this could be the best reason to make Hangeng come back.

But now, as I reread it, I felt accomplished. I know that the Disk Daesang for 2010 was ours. It was returned to us, actually, in a form of a simple award-giving ceremony held on early 2011. But still, it felt different since our boys were announced as winners on the exact date that the awards were given.

And you know what I’m thinking?

Jungsu can now enter the army without any regrets.

This is something that could make Heenim prouder even when in service.

This is the best gift to welcome Kangin back home with.

This is the greatest reminder that Super Junior – along with Kibum and Hangeng – still exists.

And yes, this is the strongest proof that Super Junior, who are continuously being dragged down by different forces, is still standing strong.

Because at the end of the day, Super Junior will always be the group that conquered the world.

On his tweet, the leader said that if there is one thing that they do not know, it is ‘breaking up’; and ELF do not know it as well…

…Because we, together, define forever.

All Efforts Paid Off

I knew this was going to happen. After the news was published in Naver and in AKP, I knew the fact that Super Junior had topped the album charts in the Philippines for 9 consecutive album releases will be known to the members...

I JUST DIDN'T EXPECT THAT IT WOULD BE JUNGSU WHO WOULD TWEET ABOUT IT.

Now, imagine the joy.

I know that a lot of my friends are judging me right now. After several weeks of spazzing over other groups and disregarding Super Junior (but lol guys, it was never easy doing that when it's intentional), here I am feeling so friggin' proud that my ultimate bias and the leader of (still) the best group [for me] has actually tweeted about the news. 

There are two reasons why I am crying for joy right now.

First: 

I bet there is no way Jungsu will forget the Philippines anymore. I'm not bullying the leader or anything (nor am I mad at him) but you know, there are certain times when he tends to forget the Philippines. It's really not an issue to me although sometimes, I get kinda hurt because I feel like our efforts are not recognized. But now, with this, I don't think we would be left behind when it comes to his speeches and thoughts now.

Second:

The Philippine ELF did it.

Let me not dwell on the issue about who supported the local releases and who ridiculed the idea because it will not count in Hanteo. I have the comments reserved for my very personal opinions. But let me talk about the fact that this is a rare thing for us, Filipino fans.

As we all know, the Philippines is a third-world country. Even if we got to enjoy two Super Shows already, everybody knows that most fans from here are struggling. But look at what we have done. I am not really boasting (though I sound like one) but one thing that I really like about the Philippine ELF is that we know what dedication is all about. YES, WE KNOW FULLY WHAT DEDICATION IS.

 The 9 consecutive albums garnered Super Junior with a history that is definitely difficult to topple. I bet one local artist is currently mocking the group, the fans, and the turnout at the moment; but that loser will just be a loser, so no worries about what he’s probably saying about this. Hehe. :>

---

This is something to be really, really proud of. But I hope that some Philippine ELF would not find this as an excuse to brag and boast on other groups’ fans. This is a recognition which we have all taken part in. Extra thanks should be given to fanclubs and fanbases who have exerted effort in promoting the local releases, though. So whether we bought it or we just helped in promoting (because we don't have money to buy), I raise my hat to all of you. 

Let this be a part of a glorious memory. Let this be a part of a very special history. I hope that with this, we managed to really make Super Junior feel loved and truly loved in the Philippines. I know that the boys value their fans' efforts so much so I pray that we also value the special meaning that this title holds. 

Congratulations, Super Junior!

Congratulations, Philippine ELF!

And to our dear leader,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You do not have any idea how much it means to me whenever you mention the Philippines on your tweets. I haven't even thanked you yet for getting inspiration from the Cebu inmates for your impressive MAMA performance.

So here's a double thanks to you. 

And yeah, no matter how much I fangirl over other guys, it never change...

I love you.

Super Junior: NUMBER ONE.

I guess the world doesn't need any explanations for this anymore.

Super Junior is really dominating the Philippines.

9 consecutive number ones for physical albums.

If only this would count in Hanteo. :D

Nonetheless, it's still a fact that Super Junior and Philippine ELF are at the number one spot in the country.

No pun intended. No boasting there.

Just plain truth.

And I am fucking proud.

Losing Hope on GDA?

I mean it. I no longer want to care about the GDA. Seriously. I know that there are a lot of stuff happening around and it makes me just want to focus on the fact that at the end of each day, it is not the number of trophies that would measure the greatness of my boys. It will always be the memories and inspiration they have successfully engraved in the hearts of fans like us.

But as I think about this issue, I realized that I think - even for the last time - I would really have to fight for what I believe is right. Since this was already posted in SJ Market, I think there's no doubting anymore. I guess it's understandable that something is just not right. Some people are up for mischief and they are decided to drag not just Super Junior, but the whole fandom, down.

I know it's too early to conclude; but considering what happened on 2010, I would never cease to assume. My heart and mind are both enraged. This is not what Super Junior deserved. Based on how I see it, we are being deprived of the things we know we should receive, and we are becoming the underdogs in the story.

Yes, I don't care about the trophies. But I care about how these boys - who are working almost 24 hours a day - would feel when the chance of being the best group for the last time will be taken away from them. I would never ever let anyone ruin the name and reputation of a group who reached the top mostly on their own.

I don't know what kind of actions Korean ELF will do about this. As an international fan, I could only provide support them; and make people understand that there really is something wrong. No, I'm not involving any other group. I just want everyone to see what might really be happening.

And I wish the issue isn't real. I really wish.