One Year Later...

They wouldn't believe me.

Everybody else would think I'm just overreacting.

They wouldn't even care an inch on what I felt and about to say.

I missed X Crew a lot.

And I was crying when I saw their video, the feeling from one year ago came back to me in an instant.

There were 10 of them then.

Now they're back to that number.

And I wasn't able to see them perform live.

Yes, of course, my presence does not really matter.

But to me, seeing them perform on stage on a big event as FilKor is like a good compensation already for every stress I felt recently.

After all, X Crew has always been a refuge to me.

As they have always been to many of you too.

Suddenly, I felt nostalgic.

I want to wish to go back to the usual.

But with my work, with my present condition,

I don't think I'll be able to join the fun yet. 

Nonetheless, Congratulations, X Crew, for still being the best cover group in the Philippines 

(at least for many of us in the fandom!)

Thank you for existing once more. :)

Feels Like We're Chilling~

Yesterday, it was the launch of PULP’s special edition for Super Junior and 2ne1. XCrew performed but to my frustration and depression, I wasn’t able to watch them perform full. I almost tripped while running to Gateway, I was palpitating, I was sweating and my leg felt like it wouldn’t move anymore… only to arrive at the venue when it’s the bridge part of Mr. Simple already. T_T

 So to somehow ease my frustration, I chilled with Jethro, Julia and Lui. ♥ and my paloys. ♥

Thanks for lending me your cam, Lui!!!

(more pics under the cut)

Feels Like I’m Back to Step One.

It was really some sort of magic that lead me to meeting these few precious people. And it has been a while since we’ve been together like this. It was in February when I last saw them, and yesterday when we were at the SJM Album Launch, I suddenly had this weird feeling that after a while, I think things has changed… a lot.

After almost a year, I’ve been closer to them. Some of them have actually become my friends and it is really great to have them around. Well, it’s no longer because they’re X Crew but because they’re people as normal as me. They’re not idols, and for that I love them so much.

But as they walk to the venue that Saturday afternoon, when the crowd started cheering even though it has been months since they last appeared as XCrew, it felt like everything’s coming back to the way it was. Then when I saw them dance again and the crowd became more hyped, I told Lui and Julia that somehow, I feel like I’m just a stranger again. 

Though we were together for lunch that day, it didn’t affect for during the K-Fest, the feeling remained. I was so close but it really felt like I’m still far. No, it’s not because I crave for attention. They’re giving me too much of it than what I deserve as a fan and as a friend so attention is really not a question here. 

The thing is, seeing them on stage probably reminded me again of that thin, undeniable line that separates my being a fan to being a friend. Yes, it all started with X Crew but I think I love them more for who they really are, and I think I’m now more comfortable when they are not in their white costumes.

So let this post be of a fan’s. Let the spazzing commence!

While and Terminal. Then X Crew. Not to mention the few dance numbers as back-ups for Dasuri Choi. Who wouldn’t get amused with the prowess and energy of these people? It was pure talent. It was awesome and I literally lost my voice over that scorpion dance. I never would have thought that I’d see that this early. Especially when Atchie keeps on telling me that she couldn’t do it.

The scorpion dance… It meant nothing except that it’s a really difficult step; but I hope I can assume on it. I mean, I don’t know if anybody remember but I asked a group member (I think it was Kuya Jerry?) to learn Infinite’s dances because since debut, I’ve always been fascinated over their choreography. And when Kuya Jerry sent me the link to the Dashi Dorawa video (as a birthday gift! TINIPID AKO! HAHA), I knew a dream is about to be fulfilled.

Yeah, it has always been my wish to see them perform the most difficult dance step I’ve ever seen. And it actually became more special because it was done in front of my very eyes at the backstage. hahaha!

It was great. Definitely, it was. X Crew has really gone a long way and whether as a cover group for SJ or any other KPOP act, I believe they’ll put it out so well. After all, they’re X CREW.  I guess that answers all the questions. ^^

Missing Them A Lot.

While I was writing this, I am trolling and reminiscing with Jethro on Facebook chat. It has been just recently since I last wrote about them but now, I feel like it’s been a long time since I posted something on this blog which is directly dedicated to this one group I have always loved.

How long has it been? Five months? Yeah. The last time we were together was when we stalked SJ on Makati Shangri-La on February. Now it’s almost August and the more I think about it, the more I feel the emptiness.

I don’t know if it’s just me or they feel the same way. But somehow, I miss the complete XCrew. They closed 2010 with a goodbye stage and since then, I am clueless as to when I’ll ever see the ten of them perform together again.

Sure, they join dance competitions but not as a SJ cover group anymore. They ventured out on other KPOP groups and though they are still awesome on their own right with that, I should admit that it’s still incomparable to who they used to be.

This comes from the point of view of a fan who later on established a good friendship with these people. Now that SJ’s comeback is fast approaching, I just can’t help but wish that XCrew gets to amaze us all again as who they once were.

.

.

.

Jet, kasalanan mo to kaya napa-emo din tuloy ako. hahaha.

Missing Them More.

Now I have proven myself that I fell in love with X Crew not just because they’re a Super Junior cover group but due to the fact that they are really the best cover group I have ever laid my eyes upon.

Watching their fancams, spazzing alone, wishing that I get another chance to see them all again performing right before my very eyes – it defines my being a stan for this group. And I tell you, I’m sticking with it.

Nothing as really changed. X Crew is still my anti-depressants. They ease away the worries and depression in me. They free my mind from anxieties and makes me look beyond whatever fuckery is happening. They really never fail to make me realize that I am still entitled to some fun in this life.

It has been a month already since I last saw them. I haven’t been in regular contact ever since as well. I don’t know why but all of a sudden, the usual self that I am – a fan – came back. Suddenly, I feel so distant again because I’ll never be worth it to be called a ‘friend.’

*gets bricked*

No, seriously. I may appear like a bickering bitch all the time when it comes to them but really, nobody knows how much effort I exert to hide my shyness. LOL.

God, thank You for fancams.

Depressing Frustration.

It doesn’t seem so but people have to know that I am really not okay. I have a stubborn fever. My heart is, as usual, betraying me each fucking minute. And my head has been throbbing for three consecutive days already. Fever must be brought by the weather. This headache must have been brought by the stupid accident two months ago. And my heart, oh you know what happened to my heart already.

To cut the story short, I am not okay.

But I can’t fucking complain.

Coz right now, I think I’m being silently disowned by my parents. For like how many times already, I’ve been told that I’m useless and worthless. Sometimes, they even regret having me for a child. LOL. That’s drama but I’ve heard it from them before. It doesn’t seem so? Well, now the door to the dark secrets of my personality is opened.

I don’t want to take it seriously. I know they are not serious whenever they say that. But sometimes, I can’t help but think… what if they are? Hahaha!

The thought gets me depressed each fucking time it crosses my mind. You see, it’s not easy to feel unappreciated especially by your own family. My haters would probably be rejoicing right now because their families aren’t like mine. Well, I really hope it wouldn’t happen to them. Coz it fucking hurts.

Now, I just want to be in SM Megamall. XCrew will be there, some of my friends will be there. I was supposed to go there with my bestfriend for the first time and she said she’s treating me with the entrance fee. But I can’t.

Coz my mom is sick and no one would take care of the chores here. My dad’s here but he wouldn’t talk to me because I am a no-good daughter in his eyes. My brother, I don’t know why he wouldn’t take any responsibility here.

You see, I’ve got many things to do… for the people I love, but would always make me feel unfair.

LOL ANGST. I am just not okay. I wish they would also realize that I am not okay.

—–

Still Incomparable

Most of my friends are sending me messages telling me I should watch Showtime because it’s their KPOP special. Okay guys, I tried. But the thing is, I turned off the TV after a few minutes because I realized that I’ve got no interests on it. I really can’t bring myself to liking the episode. If not for Vice Ganda and K Brosas, I would have turned it off right away.

Not that I don’t like the groups and performances. It’s just that I have this sort of expectations on cover groups already. Proper justification on the originals is of course, the number one. Second, they have to be at least at par with who they’re covering. Next, they have to appeal on me.

Okay. So damn personal. But as this is my blog, I don’t think I’ll have to be questioned on this.

Straight to the point? I just can’t find any group better than X Crew.

It’s not that I am friends with them already that’s why I’m saying this. I haven’t seen them perform recently either. Uh, it’s just that I tell the truth. If it’s not X Crew performing on stage, I’d rather not watch.

I don’t know why. Seriously, I have to give attention to others. Well, there are others which grabs my attention but most of the time, it’s either because of the song or the members’ physical appearances.

Okay. Call me rude now.

Nothing much. Just a spur of idea. I’m just thinking: what if they decided to join the contest? That would be really fun :))

Through Whatever

I may seem like an ultimate X Crew stan but truth is: There are still some times when I end the day thinking why I really love this group. Aside from the fact that they’re covering Super Junior and they appreciate me and my writings about them, I still wonder what is it really with them that convince me to be this devoted.

Honestly, I don’t know.

Well, not until Kuya Jerry put a clearer sense on everything.

Over a cup of mocha frap, X Crew’s Donghae managed to make me realize that it’s no longer because they’re covering SJ that is why I love their group. It is now because they are composed of Kuya Jerry, Atchie, Jhane, Jet, Ed, Ate Jen, Pipo, Majo, Charm and Kuya Marvin.

Yes, I love them now for who they are and no longer because of what they do…

And finally, I’m making much sense.

I cannot disclose to you whatever we talked about but I can say that those things I’ve learned about them are more than enough to make me continue believing on them.

This is why I can’t wait for the Dream Concert on the 29^th. It’s surely going to be fun as I’m no longer watching them as an anonymous fan. Call me assuming but this would be the first time that I can tell myself that I’m watching my friends perform. That’s the coolest thing ever…

And since it’s their last performance for the year (and I’m not sure when I’ll be seeing them again on stage, performing my favourite SJ songs), I am sure that this is going to be very, very special too.

I am so looking forward to it. Basing it from my own experience, I am pretty certain that the pressure is building up by now. Nevertheless, I’m sure they’re getting by just fine. After all, they’re X Crew.

I’ve talked to Jhane on Christmas Eve and I feel her worries over the outcome of the performance. Indeed, I was right with the thought that she’s pressured. But I told her that whatever happens, I will believe in X Crew like how I did when I first saw them.

Not like my words would ease her anxieties but I am sure that it would somehow be of help. I know it made a difference.

Because it’s the truth.

No matter what the outcome will be and no matter what others will think about them, I’ll be there – cheering, waving my banners high, being proud that I’ve managed to be friends the few of the most wonderful people in this very wonderful fandom, believing in the group like how I always did.

I know it’s gonna be daebak. Because we’re talking about their destiny.

See you all on the 29^th.

I’m Now a Hyukjae-Biased. Thanks, Ed.

Okay, so this has nothing to do with Super Junior. But in a way, yes… Because I’m talking about X Crew.

I had dinner with them last Monday (December 20^th) in Makati. I met my sister, Lee, for the first time and I invited the members since she likes them too. Gladly, five of them came.

Seriously, Lee and I had a lot of fun with Kuya Jerry, Atchie, Jet, Pipo and Ed. We talked, laughed and spazzed over things like we’re the only people in the restaurant and it was really something I honestly didn’t expect.

There were lots of surprises that night. First, I wasn’t expecting Pipo, Ed and Jet to come since they don’t reply to my messages. Second, I didn’t anticipate that we would be that lively throughout the whole time that we were together. And last, it didn’t cross my mind that I’ll switch my top 1 bias in the group to Ed. LMAO.

Until now, I still laugh at the following jokes and funny moments that made up that night:

• -          KyuTeuk/Eunhae, with Atchie Ahjumma
• -          Danica’s calls and Jet’s hellos
• -          The conversations of Lee and Ed in Bisaya
• -          Jet’s context clues
• -          Lee’s notebook filled with Super Junior
• -          Pipo’s freaky way of asking
• -          Pipo’s “Hello Danica”
• -          The lost arm of Atchie’s pendant
• -          Lee’s level 11 English accent
• -          Bouncer Jet
• -          Kuya Jerry’s “free to five thousand”
• -          Bonamana carolling
• -          SPET = SPOT + JET, the past tense of SPIT and my stuffed toy’s new name
• -          Mango-flavored Melona
• -          Atchie’s Kimchi stew
• -          Ed’s samgyeopsal-eating challenge
• -           ‘WTF. Why am I smiling?’- Jet (while we were close to dying due to that bus ride)
• -          My 20-peso-bills stupidity

And the bests (Ed got us on this):

• -          Miroticking
• -          “Excuse me”

I would definitely fill up pages if I transcribe everything into words. Though I wouldn’t mind detailing everything here, I guess it’s better to keep it this way. What’s important, anyway, is that we were there, we had fun and I get to make Lee understand why I love these people so much.

Honestly, it was the best Christmas gift a fan could ever have. Though it may appear absurd to others, I felt like I was really dining with SJ members. Of course, you know this group’s effect on me and I tell you, it just keeps getting better and better each time.

I was able to see through them again. I was given a good view of their real personalities: Atchie’s quiet and sweet… or not. Kuya Jerry’s very friendly. Pipo’s scary. Jet’s a kid. Ed’s terribly funny. I was able to see things not all fans can see, and it made me feel flattered – so flattered that I wish the thin line separating idols from a fan will just vanish.

Nevertheless, this is too cliché but Jet’s right. Right now, I am thinking again of what I did to deserve this. The laughter from that night resounds through my head like it’s never-ending; and if only I can turn into words the gratitude, you all know I will.

That night shamed all the depression I felt. Indeed, I might not be in good terms with romance or riches, but when it comes to fandom and friends, I’m one of the luckiest.

Thank you, guys. I love you. ^_^