BILLBOARD FAN ARMY FACE/OFF : Why ELF Actually Paid Attention

First of all, I won't be speaking for the whole fandom. We all have our own reasons. But I'm gonna speak for my friends (who I know will either be agreeing with me wholeheartedly or I'm gonna force them to) and I just want everyone to understand why all of a sudden, ELF paid attention to this fan army thing happening on Billboard right now.

Okay...

So believe it or not, most of us do not really know about the on-going bracketing on Billboard. It wasn't even about Super Junior, after all. It was about us, ELF. It was about who the strongest fandom is; and while mine has been known to be quite competitive when it comes to things like this, I honestly think we've grown out of that phase and we all just wanted stress-free lives focused on dealing with our boys.

In short, we didn't care at all. The past bracket scores will prove that to everyone. Most of us are busy young adults focused on real life issues and we know we didn't have time for things like this...

'Didn't.' 

We really didn't care until Choi Siwon and Lee Donghae decided to fuck everyone's lives up by mentioning this on Twitter and Weibo. 

Now the question is... Why did I say that?

What many new fans should understand is that ELF is no different from other fandoms. We are as passionate as anyone else when it comes to our boys; but while we are always so competitive, we are quite lax with things about our fandom. I mean, we don't care about the glory if it's gonna be directly about us. And this Billboard thing is one perfect example. This does not actually gives honor to SJ directly. Should we win, it will recognize us, ELF. And we just don't care about it.

But why are we stressing to win?

This is my personal opinion: We know Siwon and Donghae enough to understand what those posts mean. The tweet and the Weibo post? It was a challenge. They were challenging us again.

Those fuckers.

No, most of us do not care at all about those haters who keep throwing shades on us. We want to win because we really want to prove Donghae and Siwon, and the rest of Super Junior members that we can. It's as simple as that.

Plus, here's the most important fact: SJ wants us to win. And whatever they want, we serve. Because after all, that is what they do in return.

I'm not being an ass to others. The Stylers are working hard right now and I swear, they're all so sweet and I really love the clean rivalry. But I hope people will understand that this is more like a battle between ELF and SJ. Really.

I don't want to be complacent, at all. It's just that I want to let others know what some old fans like us think about this bracket. And I want to reiterate that this is my opinion. And I know I'm sharing this with many others.

So I hope people don't badmouth our fandom ever again. Because winning is not always about proving a point to others. For us ELF, it's about slapping the boys' faces with the truth that we are still alive, and of course... giving in to their spoiled asses' wishes.

빨리 다시 돌아와요.

During the final ment of Super Show 7 Manila, I don't want to think that I'm the only one who noticed the interaction between the 83-line. While Heenim was being the crazy ass that he was, Jungsu said something about SS8. Heenim then said he's coming back for the next concert, and then the leader started the teasing, asking Hee if he really would come. Heenim didn't answer, waved the leader off instead, and the concert ended.

I told my friends about it and how it got me so scared. I mentioned how I noticed his eyes to be so puffy when they arrived at the Philippines and I even half-joked that perhaps he was just dragged to the country for the show. Maybe he really didn't want to do it anymore. It brought me so much anxiety. The thought of not having Heenim was terrifying.

That's why when Siwon posted something on IG about staying strong forever, I commented "BASTA WALANG AALIS. BASTA WALANG MANG-IIWAN" because I really couldn't get the TeukChul moment off my head. I thought I have just gotten back to my real world and I don't want anyone else to leave.

Since then, I have paid closer attention to Chul's activities; but most times, it still bothers me. I kept on trying to distract myself with watching Knowing Brothers, Super TV, Life Bar, and other variety shows with Heenim on it, but it's very interesting to note how I kept on going back to episodes where he would talk about waking up in pain, crying in solitude, trying to act strong, and suffering just so he wouldn't be a burden to his members. I refused to think that it was some sort of a warning from the universe that at one point, my fear was really going to happen. I didn't want to admit that there really was something wrong.

Until yesterday when all of a sudden, a Weibo post came out and I knew instantly that it was official. That was typical of Heenim. When he has something important to talk about, it's always Weibo. It's always Weibo.

Funny how earlier yesterday, I was rewatching the episode of Life Bar when Donghee and Hyukjae guested. One particular part which struck me was when Hyuk talked about wondering whether he was just so much into protecting Super Junior that he failed to pay attention to his hyung. Heenim downplayed it but the regret was obvious on the younger members.

And I guess that basically allowed my fear to subside. When Hyuk thought he was being selfish for insisting that Heenim participate in the comebacks, I felt that. And I thought maybe, I was being a Hyukjae too this time. I was being selfish because I want to see Heenim become a solid part of Super Junior all his life - not realizing that he is already a foundation of the group and there is no changing that. 

Heenim is a crazy asshole. Up until now, he is. But if you knew him from the early days, you would realize how much he had changed. You couldn't expect the Universal Big Star to just talk about how he's thankful towards his members on TV. Back in the days, you wouldn't even see him sincerely talk about gratefulness (especially towards Jungsu) in front of so many people. Of course, he isn't as heartless as we used to think he was but let's admit it, the Heenim today is different.

It is this change that convinced me that everything is going to be fine. Despite not participating in the new album, I know he's not gonna leave. After all, if there is one person aside from Jungsu who understands the real horror of departure from the group, it would be Heenim. He had gone through the toughest times in 2009, so I don't think he would even think about letting his members and his fans go through the pain too.

Also, the Heenim today really values his members, especially the familial bond they share. That's why I kept on telling my friends that I trust him enough to just accept this decision, because I know at one point, he's gonna come back. Kyuhyun, Donghae, Hyukjae and Wookie would make sure of that.


Of course, these are sort of words only. Just because I know it's going to happen means it would hurt less. When I saw the Weibo post and read the translations, it hurt as fuck - like I didn't know it was going to happen. But then, I know it was going to happen, and there's nothing I can do about it. Of course, I can mope and sulk because this is a comeback ffs... But this is Heenim's health we're talking about. There should be no compromise.

To be very honest, I would rather see him not perform with SJ this time than see him get paralyzed because he didn't get the proper rest he deserve. I would rather spend a few months thinking that the stage would have been better if he was in it, than risk the possibility of him leaving permanently because his leg won't let him sleep anymore. I would rather not see him dance and sing even for seconds than never get to see him with his brothers at all.

Everything is temporary anyway. He had confirmed it via a fansite that he would not be participating only for this album and he's coming back for SM Town Osaka. 

Heenim has been suffering all along and it's high time that I really accept the fact that our boys are not getting any younger. I am too, after all.

That's why for this comeback, I just want us all to come together and wish him fast and full recovery, as well as the other members. Because if we want to really stick together forever, health should always be the number one priority.

Homecoming

Photo from SM Entertainment

The year 2013 was the last time Super Junior set foot in the Philippines to hold a solo concert. It was a long-wait, and admittedly, most have outgrown the group. Many left the fandom for their education, career, relationships and families; and it’s an inevitable choice that people sometimes have to make: priorities.

Five years later, who would have known that these people who thought they’ve already graduated from this kind of phase in their lives, will suddenly realize that in just a little more than a month, it’s time to come home again.

I have to admit. There were no expectations or whatsoever about this concert. I honestly promised myself that I would just come there and enjoy, and then leave afterwards, since I need to focus on my work, business, and some other projects I am currently working on. You see, I thought Super Junior has already turned into a mere entertainment, distraction from my real life. Like all others, I thought I am way past my eighteen-year-old self already. I thought of just selling my ticket, to be honest. At 29, I thought my priorities had changed; and this is just nothing more like a trip down the memory lane.

But for the nth time, Super Junior had proven me wrong.

On the eve of the concert, I couldn’t sleep. Friends from Indonesia and Davao were flying in to Manila and I dwelled on the idea that I just wanted to keep track on them. But later on, I unexpectedly realized that the excitement means more. You know that feeling during the eve of your elementary field trip, a family outing, or your birthday party? That was basically how I felt that night. In the midst of believing that excitement is now how we feel when we’re off to travel, or we’re going on dates, or it’s already a few minutes before you clock out from work, that night brought me to a child’s definition of excitement. It was unexpectedly precious.

The sun rose and I went to Manila early because I had to do some sort of tour guide duties for my Indonesian friend. As we go around Intramuros, I felt so nostalgic not because I used to study there, but because never in my whole life did I see myself walking around the city with foreigners I met through Twitter on 2009. I mean, talking about Asian history and Philippine and Indonesian laws is what adults do, right? But we did that while waiting for the time when we would have to go to the venue for the concert. 

When we arrived at the concert hall, the first thing I did was meet up with my old friends from Davao and Laguna. And then I went to where TeukAngels were and then, the more I was brought to deeper realizations.

Talking to Aya, Jen, and Shane while distributing flyers for Teuk’s birthday was like the biggest reality check for me. The reminiscing was real. All the stories from the past, all the people we met, and all the new fans who introduced themselves to us that day, convinced me that God didn’t just bring me there to watch a concert. I was brought there to remind myself to live and love again.

Remembering everything I told Shane and Aya that afternoon, I can’t help but feel proud of myself. I can’t help but realize how matured we became, talking about things like depression, anxiety, and relationships. These seemed too simple; but back in the days, we wouldn’t even know what to say when things like this come up. We used to care only for ourselves and how we can create a mark on Jungsu and Super Junior. Suddenly, we understood people more. Now, it’s all about caring for each other; and rather than competing for the boys to believe that we are the best fans ever, we were now more focused on convincing them that even after a long time of absence, they still have a strong fan base in the Philippines.

The concert started a bit late, making me feel anxious and a little disheartened. But when I finally got to enter the venue with Regene, the very friend who was with me on Super Show 2 in 2010, my emotions were all over the place. I saw myself just staring in awe at the people around me, hearing their deafening cheers and watching them wave their blue light sticks. It was a scene I never thought I have missed so much.

And then that’s when I realized that finally, I am home.

After the concert, it was a pandemonium inside me. Two and half hours passed by so quickly that I felt like it didn’t happen. But I know it did because my heart felt so full.

I went out of the venue in a trance. If not for Aya screaming my name, I wouldn’t have known where to go. I just knew I had to bring Sai and Asha back to their hotel but I didn’t really know how. My mind was blank, as if it wouldn’t process anything that involves the fact that I have to leave the venue.

Now that I think about it, the difficulty to book a taxi is perhaps a blessing; because while waiting for the Grab app to work, I had my most favourite post-concert moment with Aya.

While watching people in a rush and while staring at the moonlit sky above, Aya and I were just sitting on the stair steps in front of the venue entrance when I suddenly heard myself telling her that I don’t want to leave the place yet. I said I wanted to savour the moment that I’m there while the boys are still inside and my friends are everywhere. Because during the whole time I was there, I felt infinitely safe, like nothing hurts. I felt like finally, after so many years, I’ve come home to where I really belong.

And for the first time in five years, I can confidently say that I am okay.

When I was younger, I ran this blog with articles saying how much impact Super Junior has made in my life. I kept on talking about how they are like miracles and blessings, and all good things to me; and I thought I have experienced everything they can give. But Super Show 7 in Manila convinced me that like how they are in everything else, they will consistently exceed my expectations.

Because this time, they do not just provide me with an escape. They have indeed molded my world into something I can totally be proud of; and I have just noticed that during the concert. 

Starting from when I reunited with my friends, it was already a proof of how these boys contributed immensely to my life. Because of Super Junior, we broke the stigma towards the internet, saying that no authentic relationship will ever bud out from it. But look what we have now? A family.

And as I watch the concert with them, I can't help but be more emotional. Because if you're there, you will also feel that it wasn't just a show. It was a sincere homecoming for everyone.

Right now, my heart is still full. Looking back at the years spent with and without Super Junior, I sincerely wish that every new fan today will get to experience the miracle brought by these boys. I hope that whatever blessing we have received by loving them unconditionally be given to you too. Because even though a lot of people would say that we’re weird for loving guys who wouldn’t even know who we are, trust us when we say that it doesn’t really matter because our love for each other will always be stronger, and enough to hold us tight together.

And then when another set of years pass by, it will be your turn to realize how Super Junior and this fandom will always be ready to welcome you home. 

Gusto ko lang Mag-React :)))

Nakakatawa `yung mga nangyayari sa fandom ngayon. Wala akong kamalay-malay, hindi na pala basta fans ang nangaaway ng kapwa fans. Organizer na mismo ang nag-i-spark ng gulo among people. :))

Medyo nakakatakot kasi since dalawang most loved groups ko yung constant na nababanggit. Medyo hindi tama na mag-react since wala naman akong alam pero dahil pakelamera ko, eh eto ang mga opinyon ko. 

Sa Pilipinas, may tatlong uri po ng mga KPOP fans: 1) may trabaho, 2) walang trabaho, at 3) mga walang trabaho pero may mayayamang magulang. Being a part of this world since years ago, masasabi ko po na napakaliit po ng percentage nung #3. Karamihan po sa KPOP fans, estudyante; pero recently, medyo nagpapantay na po ang statistics ng #1 at #2. Ako po mismo, nagtatrabaho para sa luho na `to.

Ano bang gusto kong sabihin? Eto po: Sa tingin ko po kasi, nagkakagulo po dahil sa constant whining ng organizer dahil sa mga naluging productions. Hindi po ako nagpunta sa kahit ano don kasi bukod po sa wala akong pera, hindi po ako masyado nagtitiwala sa production firm na kelan kelan ko lang narinig, (well unless libre syempre. :p)

So ayun nga, maraming fans ang nag-iisip na kaya yata nagagalit itong organizer eh dahil nalugi sila sa Pilipinas. Well, it's not really something to deny since `yun naman ho yata talaga yung nangyari. Pero nakakatawa lang ho talaga kasi na kailangang isisi sa fans yung nangyari. :)

Una, business eto. Pangalawa, sino ho ba nagsabing maging kampante kayo? 

Sa pananaw po ng isang matagal na dito sa mundong `to, sobrang childish ho kasi ng sitwasyon. Una po, parang naghahanapan na ng kakampi. Ampanget na tuloy. Ayawan na lang. :))

May mga points akong nakita kung bakit sila pumalya:

Una, they viewed the PH fans like hungry caged animals. Yung tipong kung ano ihagis mo, kakainin. The thing is, hindi ganon. Siguro, some are. I can't deny that. Mga batang excited na makita yung mga idols nila. (We've been through that phase. Maswerte kung may perang ibibigay ang magulang. Pero kung wala, bahala ka.) Pero hindi ho kasi lahat ganoon. Yung iba, dinadaan sa ipon. Yung marami, nagtatrabaho. 

Oo, may mga fans po na nagtatrabaho hindi lang para sa fandom kundi para rin po sa pamilya nila. Myself, included. Dati siguro, para kaming hayok sa idols pero sa ngayon ho kasi, marami ng matalino. Mahirap po ang buhay. Marami na po ang nagpapaka-practical. 

Nung panahon po ng ticket selling para sa unang concert, marami po ang nagwawala na hindi sila makakapunta. I don't know with the other groups, pero kasi, EXO K ang usapan eh. Aminin man natin o hindi, malakas talagang pambenta yan. Pero bakit hindi pa rin po ganon kalakas?

Once again, practicality. Personally, why would I pay more than 10k for a VIP seat kung wala pa po yatang isang oras lalabas ang grupong panunuorin ko? Yung seryoso. Personal na opinyon ko po ito, which I shared with most friends I know. So please don't try to put things into my mouth and force me to believe otherwise.

Pero kung tutuusin, kaya naman gawan ng paraan yung matataas na ticket prices kung gugustuhin. One thing you all should know about fans is that we can do magic - well not literally - just to get our hands on those tickets. Marami kaming paraan, to be honest. Kaya hindi talaga issue yung ticket prices.

I think it's more of the attitude ng staff members. Excuse me for my words pero super unprofessional ng mga sagot nila. Like they kept on arguing with fans kahit hindi pa nangyayari yung concert. Being the seller, I think they should have been nicer and more humble in dealing with fans. Oo, mga bata yung nakikipag-usap sa inyo pero come to think of it, sila yung market niyo. So why treat them like assholes when you were answering your questions? That showed how complacent you were with everything. Kasi nga tingin niyo samin, hungry caged animals who will jump on every opportunity we get.

Eh kaso hindi nga ganon. 

Kaya ang ending, nalugi.

The thing is, KPOP is just like any other business. You have to test the waters first before pushing it to higher levels. Test-test din pag may time. Eh kaso ano pong nangyare? Sumabak po kayo sa malakihang events agad, backed up with experiences sa technical stuffs. Nung nag-flop, naghanap ng masisisi. Bakit ganon?

Now, andaming naglalabasan sa Facebook na nagke-claim ng mga nagawa nila. Pati the meeting for future concerts, pinapaalam na. Oo, sige, may mga nagawa ho kayo. Pero what's the use ng pagpapakilala kung ganyan naman ho ka-rude yung manner? 

And for what are all these for? Gumagawa ng away? Gumagawa ng issue? I swear I'll cut a bitch if this leads to bigger things. It's like sinisisi ang fans sa nangyaring pagkalugi, tapos biglang sa fans din naman pala babalik para kumita ulit.

I may sound like I'm trying to defend the other organizing team again. Pero I don't think it's like that. I'm merely stating the nature of KPOP fans in the Philippines and why it's not really a good idea to put the blame on us, in general. Kung tutuusin, hindi rin naman talaga perfect yung kabila. Anybody remembers what happened sa concert screenings? Ang laking issue din non. Halos magwala ang lahat because yun yung naging gauge para sa another concert na hindi nga nangyari. 

Pero look, sila pa rin yung pinagkakatiwalaan ngayon.

Why? Because aside from the fact na marami na silang napatunayan, everyone knows na they're doing this not just for business. They're doing this because they know what they're doing, and I know they eventually fell in love with the scene. They brought their first major KPOP act here for a fan (who's actually the organizer's sister) so basically, may idea sila on how fans' minds work.

I'm not saying na yung isa wala. Pero I think ang pagkakaiba nito is marunong makisama yung pinagkakatiwalaan namin. And you know, that's what matters most eh. Because at the end of the day, hindi lang business venture ang KPOP. It's a community based on trust and respect.

Yes, respect. Even in the real corporate world, respect is the key para umunlad ka. And with all these things happening around, yun yata yung hindi ko makita. :))

After Six Years...

Yesterday, I came across the news about a Hong Kong popstar's death by car crash. I may not know who Sita Chan was but her death affected me. The incident obviously triggered my nostalgia, especially because it was April 18 when it happened. You see, it's just a day before the 19th; and the horror of April 19 never actually left my reverie.

I know I should move on and all. I don't even know them yet when that happened. But unknown to some, that was exactly what turned me into a fan. When I saw the clips of the accident being shown in Star King while Kyuhyun was singing A Whole New World with Charice Pempengco, it all began.

Truth is, I don't bask on the horrifying truth that I couldn't have known Kyuhyun and Jungsu (and Hyukjae and Donghee). The nostalgia immediately fades whenever I remember the incident, leaving me with nothing but intense gratefulness that... yeah, they're alive.

I may no longer be active in this fandom; but I never left. While I do think of that because of some normotic and obsessive fans, I could never push through. Because I love the fact that these boys are parts of my life. I'm glad to be here. I'm glad to be with them. 

And I am really thankful that fate had laid out bigger plans for them. And I wish that they are given longer lives and better chances to enjoy it well. 

Always the Leader

To. My lovely Fans! My everything is in the ELF’s two eyes…

I’m Super Junior’s leader Leeteuk!! Ah… I’m the 85th recruit, Park Jung Soo right now!! How are all of you? I’ve gone past Euijungboo and I’m now at the White Horse RTC (Recruit Training center) and having a good time with fellow soldiers that are 10, 11 years younger than me!

I’ve gone from being Super Junior’s leader to now being the leader in my squadron as a recruit. Even here, I’m feeling a lot of popularity. ^^

Before I came here, I was really nervous and scared, but now that I’m actually here I’ve realized that it’s really nothing compared to what I did before. ^^

Thank you so much for the hand written letters and the internet letters! I read every letter clearly here and sometimes I even tear up. Thank you.

I’m just always thankful. I had the most people come when I enlisted? You’re really the best!! I was supposed to take care of our 7th anniversary and the college entrance exams, so I’m sorry. As I work here, do you know that I miss you even more? I miss being on the World Tour with the other members and seeing the blue glowsticks and hearing all the cheers.

Ah! The DVD that we released in Japan was 1st! And ‘Boys in City‘ and there are a lot of other things that you can see me in, so please look forward to it!! I hope everyone can smile brightly through the end of the year awards and conclude everything nicely! I miss, miss, miss you and I really really really really really want to see you guys…. You all have to be happy and healthy! There is a saying that goes, ‘You don’t laugh because you’re happy, but you’re happy because you laugh. So everyone, take care of yourself!!

ELF!! I love you…

From leader Teuk!! ^^

TRANS: Allkpop

------------------------------------

Once the leader, always the leader.

Even when in the army, he really makes sure that he gets to do his responsibility as Super Junior's leader. Still helping with the promotions despite being in service.

I love you too, babe. 

Sehun's trying to kill me. Come back soon.

Give Love on HenMi Day!

I've always wanted to go to a charity this year. Actually, I wanted to visit Jolito (Jungsu's son on World Vision) but since he lives in Misamis Oriental (or Occidental?), I couldn't see him. I've planned to visit Bethany too, but some things just came up and I wasn't able to plan it well.

That is why I was totally elated when I learned that some of my friends actually planned something charitable this Christmas! It's the GIVE LOVE ON HENMI DAY!!!!

This charity event is organized by HoneysPH and StringswithHenry. Both are included in the WeLoveSJFamily so I'm really so proud at the moment. I'm actually excited.

GIVE LOVE ON HENMI DAY

December 8, 2012

Bahay Kalinga, Valenzuela City

For information, please visit the event's 

OFFICIAL FACEBOOK PAGE

SEE YOU ALL THERE!!!!!

The Inevitable Missing

Last night, I woke up at an ungodly hour to reprimand my brother. As I was trying to go back to sleep, an unexpected thought occurred to me - Kim Heechul and the army.

I know. It's funny how the cat invaded my thoughts when I'm supposed to think about Park Jungsu being there too. But as you see, my mind is thoroughly unpredictable and uncontrollable.

I miss the fact that he's just a few tweets away (although he wouldn't reply). I miss his very brutal yet humorous attitude. I miss seeing his pictures. I miss hearing him speak. I miss seeing him smile and flash his gums. I miss his randomness.

I miss Kim Heechul

A year had passed indeed and another year is set to be concluded. Time flies fast, yes? And then we'll have him back again. I'm really excited.

At the moment, images of Heechul is SS2 Manila, SS3 Manila, and everywhere else keep on appearing in my mind. It's like I don't just miss him. It's like I'm being reprimanded, too - the way I did to my brother. I'm being too immersed in my real life that I haven't had enough time to allot for them.

That's kinda big deal, actually.

SUJUFEST: SFS and Skip Beat Album Launch in the Philippines!

Help me find my way to the event!

I need to get back to the fandom as soon as I can!!!!!!!!

The 7th Year...

So it's finally the 7th year anniversary.

I don't want to sound less interested but God knows I don't want to sound so trying hard either. It's November 6 and as much as I want to feel elated, I have to admit that I can't force a part of me into it.

Because this year, it's just so different for me. Because you see, the absence of the leader is taking ts toll on me.

I purposefully did not update myself about his enlistment. I purposefully did not intend to do anything unlike when Hee and Kangin enlisted. I purposefully pretended like I didn't care because I can't afford to be a complete mess. Things in my real life had gone out of hand that moment too and I have a family to support, so if I break down, I wouldn't be able to work and that would mean no money to provide for my loved ones.

But I guess, a day of nursing the pain of Jungsu's absence wouldn't damage me that much.

It's almost a week and for that whole span of time, I felt restless and quite incomplete. Perhaps, it really has something to do with my real lovelife but why would I deny that this whole army ordeal contributes too? I always run to Jungsu whenever I feel like a trash in the real world because although he doesn't know me, I know that he values me as his fan.

But obviously, he's temporarily gone.

And now it's the 7th anniversary and I should be happy. But as I said, I can't be fully happy when someone so special is out there. I know it's just the same when Heechul and Kangin left for enlistment, but there lies the great difference that Park Jungsu is Leeteuk, and Leeteuk is my bias.

Nonetheless, I wish the other members a thousand congratulations. It has been seven years, five of which I've been with them. Kangin's back and Heechul's coming back soon. While I can't even fathom why these things wouldn't pacify my incompleteness, I still hope that everybody would take the time to celebrate one of the best moments of our lives as ELF. It's not everyday (although it feels like that most of the time) that the group turns seven anyway.

So yeah, thank you Super Junior for the seven years of joy and happiness, of sorrow and tears, of hellos and goodbyes, of love and just love. Thank you for completing our lives and for allowing us to somehow be part of yours. What we have will never be replaced, no matter how many times we look toward the directions leading away from the other. Because in the end, our paths will still meet because since the very beginning, our destinies are intertwined as this.

I love you, guys. Happy anniversary!

It's Been a Good Year...

Time flew fast.

Who would have thought that it has already been a year since I started the project for Park Jungsu?

I, myself, never thought I could last that long.

But I guess the motivation stayed and I'm just glad to have been part of World Vision for a year now. It feels good to know that Jolito, Jungsu's foster kid, is enjoying his childhood and is able to go to school because of the contribution I send monthly. 

No, I'm not trying to flaunt.

I just want you all to know how fulfilling it is so you may do it as well.

Jungsu's enlisting to the army in a few days.

And I wish that when he gets back with us after two long years, he would know that someone has managed to live a better life because of him. 

Coming Close to the Beginning of an And

I feel so superficial. After a long time of neglecting this site, here I am again, writing about something so sensitive - one thing which I have long dreaded to talk about. While many think that it's absurd of me to do this since I tagged myself as a disloyal fan, I will still go on with what I want to say about Park Jungsu's enlistment.

I've always said that I will never be ready for the time when Jungsu has to enlist. I feared the day that we have to say farewell temporarily to the person who I have loved for so long. This is because I hated separations. I hate having to say goodbye.

But everything is inevitable. I have always known that sooner of later, Jungsu would have to leave for service. I would have to face the fact that I'm not gonna see him with the group for two years, especially since I have the inkling that he will enlist as a soldier. Much to my despair, news about the issue began to spread and I had no other choice but to avoid the pain. So my system had to resort to its ultimate defense: DISTANCE.

I decided to distance myself from Jungsu and the rest of Super Junior. That's how I found the other groups which I stanned. You see, I needed distractions because the pain was eating me up. Putting it simply, I decided to say goodbye before they do. 

To those wondering, it wasn't an easy decision. Park Jungsu is a huge part of my life for so many years and I would never forget just how much help his inspiration had provided me. I may look like I'm over him totally, but why would I deny the fact that I'm not? Even if I want to get away from this man for real, I just can't. I really can't.

That is why when I learned he was fixing his enlistment date already, I felt divided. A part of me wanted to go back but the other half prevailed. I actually pushed him away more.

Ridiculous, right? I thought I would end up really out of his shadow; but I woke up one day only to find out that the road I took actually led to him too. 

By pushing him away, I got to see things from an ordinary fan's perspective. That's when I realized that there is no point on getting depressed over his enlistment because two years fly fast. More so, why should I cry and mull over something that I should have or had always expected to happen? Was there a need to contradict destiny? Could we even do that, to begin with?

Two years is two years,  know. I can totally understand that it hurts to be away from someone you've gotten used to always be there. It sucks to wait. 

But is this how Jungsu wants us all to be?

Perhaps, yes; but I think that what he needs more is the assurance that we will still be here when he comes back. He had always feared that he'll be forgotten while he's in the army, so I wanted to focus on that aspect, than to mope around because he's leaving. Like how he always say: It's not an end. It's an and.

On October 30, he's gonna enlist (FINALLY). It's finally the start of his 2-year journey as an ordinary Korean. I honestly don't know what to feel at the moment. But if I have to name one emotion. I'll choose the fact that I FEEL PROUD.

Serving the army constitutes a lot of courage and valor; and I just feel happy that Jungsu chose to be a soldier despite his injuries. I feel proud that he's finally ready to face this course of his destiny. Fear might still be overwhelming but I trust his convictions enough to know that he's gonna go through it perfectly.

I still can't tell though if I would want to hear news or see pictures of his enlistment. I know I've been through this with Kangin and Heechul, but you see, Jungsu is different. He is Leeteuk, after all. 

*sigh*

Jungsu had always stayed strong. And I guess I want to do the same for him.

I'm keeping my promise. I'm sticking with you. I've gone back home just in time before you leave. I'm not letting go. 

I will wait for you. 

It's Party Time with the Sexy, Free and Single (?)

When I saw the teaser for the first time, I didn't like it. Another box, just better. Then people were pointing out that the set was another recycled one because it was used already in one DBSK MV. Hyuk was made to wear something Sehun wore for History. And the song was somehow auto-tuned again.

But as I watch it for the second time, it felt like brand new. And I knew that I just got used to the old Super Junior scheme that I didn't notice the fact that Super Junior is presenting me with something quite extra ordinary.

There is something to expect, I thought.

***

I've listened to all SJ songs and I can say that this style is beyond their usual. When I first heard the song in full, I was easily addicted to it. It came unexpected though because although it has the same Yoo Youngjin-feel, it is strangely unique. Like there's something in it which was prepared for the past years.

Maybe I don't know much about music but I could say that this is close to club music. It makes you dance. It makes you move. It makes you close your eyes and imagine yourself popping to the beat. It makes you wonder if this is really Super Junior... or another group.

The song is addicting, and it is fucking way better than Mr. Simple.

***


I woke up to a bad weather. It was raining hard and even my parents were clueless why the weather was weird. There weren't any news that there's typhoon either. Class and work suspensions were announced here and there. And then, my TList told me that it was also raining in some parts of Singapore and Japan (where it was supposed to be sunny)... 


The answer came to me on 12PM KST though. SM Entertainment released the Sexy, Free and Single music video of Super Junior.

Rain kings, they are.


The music video is far better than I expected. Although they were still in a box, it was way better than anything else. You would easily notice that the company had indeed put effort for them this time. I personally love the sets...


AND THE EFFECTS.

I personally like the octagon design, although until now, I am not sure as to what that was for. I love how it exploded into pieces and then Yesung faded in singing his lines. The jumps were a little off for me but I think it was needed.

And then don't talk to me about the camera shots because I am fucking spazzing over it. IT DIDN'T MAKE ME DIZZY, that alone is reason enough to call this video perfect.

***


The choreography is awesome. 


It is not as move-y as Don't Don, not as complex as Sorry Sorry, not as catchy as Mr. Simple... But being a former dancer, boy the choreography is difficult. YOU WOULD NEED INTENSE SENSE OF BALANCE TO PERFECT THE STUNTS!

Many people would not agree. I, myself, didn't like it the first time I saw it. But it will grow on you guys, believe me. Although it looked like it was really intended for older dancers, it is really something we can call a 'GREAT DANCE'.

Why? Because the choreography is awesome.

***

The boys, themselves, basically slapped me with reality: SUPER JUNIOR OWNS ME.


I don't care about the leather whatever or Siwon's weird hairstyle, or anything else. These boys are perfect whatever you make them wear. The charm compensates for everything. The charm which is very broad to be explained by words.

Every flick, every stare, every move... It nails me permanent to the fact that yes, Super Junior owns me.

Cho Kyuhyun, I'll get back to you for killing me. Just wait.

***


Now, here comes one of the most special reasons why Sexy, Free & Single is awesome: Kim Yongwoon. 


After three longing years, here he is now - back and alive. Seeing him performing and keeping up with his brothers, I can no longer complain about anything else against SME. The fact that they brought him back is a reason enough to just keep my mouth shut for any flaw (if ever there is one).

His voice is as flawless as ever. Although it was obvious that he was struggling with the choreography, he managed to cover it up with his presence.


And no other reason could top that.

***

HAVE A GOOD TIME, IT'S PARTY TIME.
BECAUSE SUPER JUNIOR IS HERE.

LET'S ALL WELCOME THE KINGS BACK.

Are We Nearing Goodbye?

Truth be told, I don't feel any excitement about the 6jib. Don't get me wrong though. It's just that I feel it was  so rushed, I wasn't even able to prepare.

But the comeback is actually far from my real concerns when it comes to Super Junior. My attention is really on the fact that we're really getting there.

Park Jungsu is really entering the army soon.

Honestly? I don't know what to feel. But I think I'll be fine. I've stayed away long enough to test myself and I realized that I'll be able to get through it.

I think I really have to tell it here (although not many would really care).

When I got my Mr. Simple and as I listen to all the tracks, one particular struck me like lightning: My Love, My Kiss, My Heart. I didn't really look for its translation but as music never fails to find its way to me, I had the inkling of what that song was trying to say: Goodbye.


I can still remember how I talked to Danica that night, crying as I type the words I've always dreaded to say. The 5JIB presented itself to me in a deeper manner. It's more than just being the fifth album of Super Junior. It's more than just new songs.

To me, the Mr. Simple album was like a subliminal instrument to tell me, and all of us in this fandom, that they're about to take their own paths, quite far from us.

Since then, I have forced myself not to pay too much attention anymore. Since then, I built walls around my fragile heart. Because as everyone knows and as how I've always pointed out, I am weak when it comes to parting. I realized then that I have to get myself used to not being with them, so that when the time comes, I wouldn't have to hurt so much.

Because no matter how much I try to deny, it will hurt like hell if Jungsu leaves.

That's when I focused my attention on other groups... So now that 6JIB is about to be released, I feel like I'm starting to get lost again. Honestly, I am torn between just keeping the distance or going back to the place which I've missed so much but fear a lot.

*facepalm*

When a Disloyal ELF Talks about Loyalty to Super Junior...

Lately, I've been feeling so out of the loop. Since the time two other groups both decided to enclose and indulge me into a dimension of pure awesome, I forgot about Super Junior. As how I always say, it was like the spark was gone. Suddenly, everything felt unfamiliar and it was as if I just don't care anymore.

But I guess that's just gonna remain as an 'as if' because I just realized that there are still some things that will never ever change: I LOVE SUPER JUNIOR and I AM AN ELF.

Just like what Ate Chi said, Super Junior is like rice. It's like a staple food, necessary for our existence. We can never live without it, but we would need a variety of viands to eat it with. Otherwise, it'll be bland for our liking and definitely unappetizing. We need side dishes. We need other tastes.

Basically, we need diversions.

Being an ELF is tiring. That's one sure thing. For the years that I've been in this fandom, I have encountered a lot of things already that drove me to thinking that maybe it's really time to leave - delusional fans, warfreak individuals, mandating and know-it-all seniors, people taking advantage - there are a lot of those people here; and they stain the fandom's reputation.

But then, is there any perfect fandom in the world?

I guess the answer to the question is what convinces me to stay. The fact that we're still a work in progress despite being in existence for several years already make me feel like I have to stick around; because I want to see what we would all become in the future. I want to see the endpoint of these all, if there's even any.

Honestly, I believe in the potential of this fandom. I believe that we still got a lot more to offer even after a long time of proving things, and doing things together with and for Super Junior. I believe in our capacity to turn the tides and create more histories this industry would never have imagined.

But we can never move to a better place without being distracted. And that's okay! Getting attracted to other groups and forgetting about Super Junior for a while is normal. That just mean we're still capable of living our own respective lives. We're still sane because we still notice others.

That is why I find it very hilarious when people would easily talk about loyalty. Because of this, we even started a group and call ourselves 'disloyals'. But then, that's just for fun. Behind it is a deep and controversial question: Do we really have measure loyalty? We can't even define it properly, how much more measure it? What are the gauge?

To me, loyalty is such a sensitive aspect to thrive on. It is a very broad subject which will take forever to condense. It is something we cannot just integrate on all fandom-related matters, just so we can prove our love to a group we stan. Because at the end of the day, love and loyalty are not always synonymous.

I am not loyal to Super Junior, I can openly say that. I am actually loyal to myself, and my drive of emotions. But that does that remove my right from loving them? Just because I claim to be a disloyal one, does that mean I don't love them anymore? Hell no.


Super Junior had molded me to what I am right now. Seriously. If not for their motivation, I wouldn't have known what I really want to do and I wouldn't have taken the first steps to realize my dreams. Super Junior had been my life for several years, and that truth won't change anytime soon...

But I think we have to accept the fact that they have some companies in my heart at the moment.

Times passes by, and as we go along the way, we get to meet new people who will influence our lives the way these 15-member group did and is currently doing. To extend our horizon as a human being, we need to entertain new acquaintances, new idols, and new beginnings. But that doesn't mean we have to throw away what we had. Our heart is as big as a universe. We could always fit everything there.

Furthermore, as we grow old, the less important this fandom would be. Greater real-life priorities will come first. But for me, I will never forget that I was, I am and I'll forever be a part of the Sapphire Blue World...

Now, I'm not defying the possibilities though. I know that this might lead to total isolation; but goodbyes are definitely unnecessary. Even if I decide to leave, I know I'll always come back because I know I'll always be welcome.

After all, this is my home... and forever, it will be.

Be Fine

I… closed the door, not letting anyone in..

And cried just like that ㅠㅠ

Members I love you~ thank you!

Lee Sungmin's Naver Blog, April 30 '12

Kor to Chi Trans: iSungmin.cc | Chi to Eng trns by @paperheartsmin

I don't know what happened and even though curiosity is killing me big time, I don't want to dig deep on whatever that happened because this is something personal which I think we will never get to discover from Lee Sungmin.

But I hope and I pray that he's better now that he's back in Korea. A lot of things might have happened while they were in Jakarta and those things might have pained him so much to lock himself up in a room and cry.

But whaetever it is, I really hope he's fine now.

And just now, it hits me...

A part of me is actually hoping that Sungmin was referring to how he was before Super Junior. It's not a secret that this man is a very secretive person, right?

But who knows.

Whatever. I just want Sungmin to be okay.

The End of the Short Journey

July 5, 2010.

I woke up to a very gloomy day. It was one of the most difficult days for me. I had work then so I literally dragged myself out of the bed to go to office. I had no other choice. It was either I take a leave and sulk on what was about to befall; or I spend my day normally, hoping that things would change.

But obviously, it didn't.

I was monitoring everything on the internet. I was on Twitter even though I wasn't supposed to. That was the first time I experience such kind of whirling emotions. Few months ago, someone left. And then there came another. The pain was literally overwhelming.

It is not an exaggeration to say that I was literally crying in my workstation when the clock ticked 12NN. I even had to lock myself in the restroom of our office so I could give in to all the emotions that were bottling up inside me. My boss got worried. My perfect alibi was menstrual cramps, and I didn't know if she bought it.

When it's time to go home, I got Short Journey on loop and the whole time I was riding the train, tears were trickling down my face. I had to wipe it though even before it fall so people won't notice that I was indeed shedding waterworks. Occasionally though, passengers would look at me questioningly... And I didn't care.

Because that day, someone very close to my heart left for the army... Kim Youngwoon.

April 16, 2012.

It came unnoticed. Maybe I was just distracted by everything that's happening around me that I fail to realize that someone is coming home. The two years flew and right now, I still have mixed emotions. How to react? What to do? What to say?

But one thing remains true. Kim Youngwoon is still one of the closest people in my heart. And I'm just so glad that finally, he's coming back.

He left broken, and I know that he's coming back whole. The two years he spent as a soldier, I know, had turned him into a better individual - someone who is more capable of doing different things for the sake of the people he loves, someone who is much more stronger than who he had always been.

This is a very foreign feeling to me. It had always been goodbye for me. I wasn't there yet when Heenim and Kyuhyun went back to the group after in horrible accidents. So the memories in me were only departures. Kibum, Geng, Kangin, and Heenim all left - temporary or permanent. Soon it's gonna be Jungsu. So I can't help but be so emotional with this coming home. It ignites the wick of my hope candle. It makes me believe that the idea of seeing all fifteen of them on stage, even just once, is never impossible.

...

It's 12:52 AM in my time right now. In 6 hours, my prection Kangbear is coming back - brand new, whole and much much stronger. He had managed to brave through everything and I'm just so proud. What happened before are now regarded as painful memories which bonded us stronger and helped us all develop into better people and yes, family.

These tears I’m shedding now is because I’m so proud of you. Because as we fight the battle, you were fighting for us too. As we strive hard to protect you, you remained our shield trying to protect us from all the shrapnels they’re throwing.

You bravely caught all the arrows. You endured all the pain. You were wounded, you bled, but you managed to be strong. And just as I was thinking that it was you who we are defending all along, I knew and I realize when I saw you in blue shirt and gray cap, with a haircut fit for army,  that it was us who were kept safe… there.. in your loving heart.

You remained to be the strong benevolence that you are. You lived your name just when we all need it the most.

You stood stronger than ever, and that made me so much prouder of you. You did what you have to do, you admitted the mistakes, you suffered the consequences, you went through a lot.

(excerpts from here)

In a few hours, you're coming back home. And just like what I've promised, I think I am more than ready to say... 

'WELCOME HOME'.

Tips for Fangirls: How to Make Money Online during Summer and Beyond

Contrary to what others believe, being a fangirl is not an easy task. Aside from the fact that we are constantly in an emotional rollercoaster ride, our pockets are always devastated. Indeed, this is a very expensive hobby; and so we obviously need money.

Making money is another challenge, though - especially for students. Merchandises are definitely not cheap and not all parents are supportive of this interest. If they are, we cannot expect them to just provide for us all the time. Somehow, we have to learn how to make money on our own... which is definitely not easy.

So guys, I'm giving you some tips on how to earn the cash to finance your fandom needs, without leaving the precious computer. I hope that through this compilation, you would find the drive to be independent when it comes to this kind of matter:

1. oDesk 

oDesk is definitely a nice site for those who wish to work at home. I personally hasn't tried working for it yet but according to Irev who earns through this site, people look for employers there. Then if hired, they're gonna work like call center agents, most of the time, as night-shifters. You're going to get paid like a typical full-time worker through Paypal. Freelancing is possible in oDesk too. Usually, jobs offered here has something to do with content writing, seo marketing and secretarial services. If you've got what it takes, sign up now.

2. Nuffnang

Those who love blogging would love Nuffnang. It is an online community that posts advertisements on your blog, and the rule is: if people click those banners/skyscrapers, then you earn money. It's a pay-per-click campaign Nuffnang is focusing on. Although earning is quite slow here, as most readers really know what are ads and what are not, it wouldn't hurt to have your blog registered here. However, I think this is applicable to bloggers from Philippines, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia, China, Hong Kong and Australia may join! But I'm pretty sure, they're working on extending their services to more countries!

[CONTINUE READING HERE]