I woke up to a very gloomy day. It was one of the most difficult days for me. I had work then so I literally dragged myself out of the bed to go to office. I had no other choice. It was either I take a leave and sulk on what was about to befall; or I spend my day normally, hoping that things would change.
But obviously, it didn't.
I was monitoring everything on the internet. I was on Twitter even though I wasn't supposed to. That was the first time I experience such kind of whirling emotions. Few months ago, someone left. And then there came another. The pain was literally overwhelming.
It is not an exaggeration to say that I was literally crying in my workstation when the clock ticked 12NN. I even had to lock myself in the restroom of our office so I could give in to all the emotions that were bottling up inside me. My boss got worried. My perfect alibi was menstrual cramps, and I didn't know if she bought it.
When it's time to go home, I got Short Journey on loop and the whole time I was riding the train, tears were trickling down my face. I had to wipe it though even before it fall so people won't notice that I was indeed shedding waterworks. Occasionally though, passengers would look at me questioningly... And I didn't care.
Because that day, someone very close to my heart left for the army... Kim Youngwoon.
April 16, 2012.
It came unnoticed. Maybe I was just distracted by everything that's happening around me that I fail to realize that someone is coming home. The two years flew and right now, I still have mixed emotions. How to react? What to do? What to say?
But one thing remains true. Kim Youngwoon is still one of the closest people in my heart. And I'm just so glad that finally, he's coming back.
He left broken, and I know that he's coming back whole. The two years he spent as a soldier, I know, had turned him into a better individual - someone who is more capable of doing different things for the sake of the people he loves, someone who is much more stronger than who he had always been.
This is a very foreign feeling to me. It had always been goodbye for me. I wasn't there yet when Heenim and Kyuhyun went back to the group after in horrible accidents. So the memories in me were only departures. Kibum, Geng, Kangin, and Heenim all left - temporary or permanent. Soon it's gonna be Jungsu. So I can't help but be so emotional with this coming home. It ignites the wick of my hope candle. It makes me believe that the idea of seeing all fifteen of them on stage, even just once, is never impossible.
...
It's 12:52 AM in my time right now. In 6 hours, my prection Kangbear is coming back - brand new, whole and much much stronger. He had managed to brave through everything and I'm just so proud. What happened before are now regarded as painful memories which bonded us stronger and helped us all develop into better people and yes, family.
These tears I’m shedding now is because I’m so proud of you. Because as we fight the battle, you were fighting for us too. As we strive hard to protect you, you remained our shield trying to protect us from all the shrapnels they’re throwing.
You bravely caught all the arrows. You endured all the pain. You were wounded, you bled, but you managed to be strong. And just as I was thinking that it was you who we are defending all along, I knew and I realize when I saw you in blue shirt and gray cap, with a haircut fit for army, that it was us who were kept safe… there.. in your loving heart.
You remained to be the strong benevolence that you are. You lived your name just when we all need it the most.
You stood stronger than ever, and that made me so much prouder of you. You did what you have to do, you admitted the mistakes, you suffered the consequences, you went through a lot.
(excerpts from here)
In a few hours, you're coming back home. And just like what I've promised, I think I am more than ready to say...
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