An Open Letter to Kim Saeun

First of all, I am just a fan whose existence will probably remain unknown to Sungmin and the rest of Super Junior. I don’t even live in South Korea and haven’t even gone there.

But I am a fan who loves Sungmin dearly, who believes that he deserves all the happiness in the world because he is our Lee Sungmin, the sweet, quiet and charming pumpkin of the group.

And if his happiness is you, then so be it.

Just please promise us one thing: that you will never hurt him. Please don’t go on interviews saying that being on a relationship with Sungmin is a burden because to him, being with you is the best thing that has ever happened.

In the future, please don’t reveal anything without his consent. If you have something to publicize, please don’t make your company deny it when it’s actually the truth. Because doing that makes us feel like it’s only Sungmin who’s facing the consequences of this revelation. Please always support his decisions. If he wants to keep it a secret, let it be. He’s a very private person, and he wants to do things his way, so please respect that.

I know after marriage, he’ll have bigger responsibilities as your husband but from time to time, let him go back to us. Let him be with his brothers even just for a meal. Let him talk to us. Let him tell us that he loves us, despite all of us knowing that it isn’t 100% true anymore. Let him be the Super Junior Sungmin who keeps on doing aegyo, who keeps on rolling around in a pumpkin costume.

He fought for you, hard. He fought for you because obviously, he loves you very much. And I hope you’ll love him back the same way he does. Although you probably know him better than us, I wish you’ll get to know him better once you’ve entered a new phase in your lives.

The angered hearts are constantly fueled by the news right now. Sungmin must be in a very difficult position. Many want him out of the group, and while I cannot blame them, I just want to make sure that our pumpkin’s fine. During this time, please stay by his side. Never leave him because as far as I believe, Sungmin never wants to be alone. He doesn’t like being left behind. He doesn’t like the feeling of being abandoned. Please hug him tight and comfort him and tell him that everything’s going to be okay. Because everything will be okay. Just give us all time, and we will all come back and find forgiveness and acceptance in our hearts.

And by then, maybe we can all wish you both the happiness.

But today, when it still hurts, please be patient with us. Whatever you hear, endure it for the sake of Sungmin. Please don’t get mad at him for having fans like us, who just wish to protect him. After all, we have been by his side long enough too.

Take care of Lee Sungmin, please.

There was one comic strip being shared on Twitter recently. It shows a little girl who entered a museum, introducing herself as a new member of a fandom. Another girl welcomed her and asked her politely to just go around and explore everything. And the little girl did, to her heart's content. When she realized that she had filled herself enough, she went back to the other girl and asked where the way out is. The older member just smiled and shook her head.

And immediately, we knew there's none.

It was a mere comic strip created for the entertainment of everyone who can relate. But at the end of the day, everything is based on reality, and the strip basically summarizes the reality of fangirling. And I tell you, I'm not different from that newcomer several years ago. I entered the fandom, thinking that it would only be a one-time thing and that I can always leave when everything gets too overwhelming; but I was told there's no exit.

But seven years after, I found it. Maybe it was a door to another fandom but at least I found the exit from here. That's why this blog lacked updates. That's why I spazzed less. I used 'maturity' as an excuse but the truth is, I've just grown tired of everything in here. I have convinced myself that I don't like Super Junior anymore, and that I've gotten over them finally.

It was relieving. My other bias groups haven't reached the status of SJ before in my heart so it was amusing how light everything is for me now. I don't feel the need to buy albums and merchandises. I don't feel the need to watch concerts and pay for thousands of pesos for tickets. I don't even feel the need to update myself of everything that's happening.



But I don't know why. And perhaps, I don't even want to know. Suddenly, I found myself sobbing ugly while watching Super Junior's MIRACLE. Heck, I didn't even know how I was led to this. I was watching videos of Lee Hongki and then suddenly, I'm on a journey down the memory lane.

I may have gotten out of the maze; but I miss them. My mind tells me it's okay and that I'm getting by; but you know? My heart hurts. And I'm not saying this just because I want you readers to sympathize. I'm saying this because it's the truth. I couldn't look at Geng and Kibum because no matter how much I diss those two, I miss them. Especially Geng. Especially HANGENG.

As I watch the video repeatedly, there are some thoughts running in my head:

Kahit pala anong layo ko,

Kahit ilang beses akong magsabing ayaw ko na...

Babalik at babalik din pala ako talaga.

Siguro, hindi kasing tindi ng dati.

Siguro, hindi kasing bigat ng nakaraan.

Pero mas totoo na yung pagmamahal na mararamdaman.

Corny, oo. Pero wala eh. Yun yung totoo.

Yun pala yung ibig sabihin ng pagiging ELF.

Yun pala yung ibig sabihin ng 'everlasting' sa pangalan ng fandom.

I used to tell people in the past that ELF means FOREVER, until I thought I ate up all my words because I couldn't stick with the group.

But now I realized that perhaps, it is indeed for forever. 

And i'm just so happy to have finally felt that.

Gusto ko lang Mag-React :)))

Nakakatawa `yung mga nangyayari sa fandom ngayon. Wala akong kamalay-malay, hindi na pala basta fans ang nangaaway ng kapwa fans. Organizer na mismo ang nag-i-spark ng gulo among people. :))

Medyo nakakatakot kasi since dalawang most loved groups ko yung constant na nababanggit. Medyo hindi tama na mag-react since wala naman akong alam pero dahil pakelamera ko, eh eto ang mga opinyon ko. 

Sa Pilipinas, may tatlong uri po ng mga KPOP fans: 1) may trabaho, 2) walang trabaho, at 3) mga walang trabaho pero may mayayamang magulang. Being a part of this world since years ago, masasabi ko po na napakaliit po ng percentage nung #3. Karamihan po sa KPOP fans, estudyante; pero recently, medyo nagpapantay na po ang statistics ng #1 at #2. Ako po mismo, nagtatrabaho para sa luho na `to.

Ano bang gusto kong sabihin? Eto po: Sa tingin ko po kasi, nagkakagulo po dahil sa constant whining ng organizer dahil sa mga naluging productions. Hindi po ako nagpunta sa kahit ano don kasi bukod po sa wala akong pera, hindi po ako masyado nagtitiwala sa production firm na kelan kelan ko lang narinig, (well unless libre syempre. :p)

So ayun nga, maraming fans ang nag-iisip na kaya yata nagagalit itong organizer eh dahil nalugi sila sa Pilipinas. Well, it's not really something to deny since `yun naman ho yata talaga yung nangyari. Pero nakakatawa lang ho talaga kasi na kailangang isisi sa fans yung nangyari. :)

Una, business eto. Pangalawa, sino ho ba nagsabing maging kampante kayo? 

Sa pananaw po ng isang matagal na dito sa mundong `to, sobrang childish ho kasi ng sitwasyon. Una po, parang naghahanapan na ng kakampi. Ampanget na tuloy. Ayawan na lang. :))

May mga points akong nakita kung bakit sila pumalya:

Una, they viewed the PH fans like hungry caged animals. Yung tipong kung ano ihagis mo, kakainin. The thing is, hindi ganon. Siguro, some are. I can't deny that. Mga batang excited na makita yung mga idols nila. (We've been through that phase. Maswerte kung may perang ibibigay ang magulang. Pero kung wala, bahala ka.) Pero hindi ho kasi lahat ganoon. Yung iba, dinadaan sa ipon. Yung marami, nagtatrabaho. 

Oo, may mga fans po na nagtatrabaho hindi lang para sa fandom kundi para rin po sa pamilya nila. Myself, included. Dati siguro, para kaming hayok sa idols pero sa ngayon ho kasi, marami ng matalino. Mahirap po ang buhay. Marami na po ang nagpapaka-practical. 

Nung panahon po ng ticket selling para sa unang concert, marami po ang nagwawala na hindi sila makakapunta. I don't know with the other groups, pero kasi, EXO K ang usapan eh. Aminin man natin o hindi, malakas talagang pambenta yan. Pero bakit hindi pa rin po ganon kalakas?

Once again, practicality. Personally, why would I pay more than 10k for a VIP seat kung wala pa po yatang isang oras lalabas ang grupong panunuorin ko? Yung seryoso. Personal na opinyon ko po ito, which I shared with most friends I know. So please don't try to put things into my mouth and force me to believe otherwise.

Pero kung tutuusin, kaya naman gawan ng paraan yung matataas na ticket prices kung gugustuhin. One thing you all should know about fans is that we can do magic - well not literally - just to get our hands on those tickets. Marami kaming paraan, to be honest. Kaya hindi talaga issue yung ticket prices.

I think it's more of the attitude ng staff members. Excuse me for my words pero super unprofessional ng mga sagot nila. Like they kept on arguing with fans kahit hindi pa nangyayari yung concert. Being the seller, I think they should have been nicer and more humble in dealing with fans. Oo, mga bata yung nakikipag-usap sa inyo pero come to think of it, sila yung market niyo. So why treat them like assholes when you were answering your questions? That showed how complacent you were with everything. Kasi nga tingin niyo samin, hungry caged animals who will jump on every opportunity we get.

Eh kaso hindi nga ganon. 

Kaya ang ending, nalugi.

The thing is, KPOP is just like any other business. You have to test the waters first before pushing it to higher levels. Test-test din pag may time. Eh kaso ano pong nangyare? Sumabak po kayo sa malakihang events agad, backed up with experiences sa technical stuffs. Nung nag-flop, naghanap ng masisisi. Bakit ganon?

Now, andaming naglalabasan sa Facebook na nagke-claim ng mga nagawa nila. Pati the meeting for future concerts, pinapaalam na. Oo, sige, may mga nagawa ho kayo. Pero what's the use ng pagpapakilala kung ganyan naman ho ka-rude yung manner? 

And for what are all these for? Gumagawa ng away? Gumagawa ng issue? I swear I'll cut a bitch if this leads to bigger things. It's like sinisisi ang fans sa nangyaring pagkalugi, tapos biglang sa fans din naman pala babalik para kumita ulit.

I may sound like I'm trying to defend the other organizing team again. Pero I don't think it's like that. I'm merely stating the nature of KPOP fans in the Philippines and why it's not really a good idea to put the blame on us, in general. Kung tutuusin, hindi rin naman talaga perfect yung kabila. Anybody remembers what happened sa concert screenings? Ang laking issue din non. Halos magwala ang lahat because yun yung naging gauge para sa another concert na hindi nga nangyari. 

Pero look, sila pa rin yung pinagkakatiwalaan ngayon.

Why? Because aside from the fact na marami na silang napatunayan, everyone knows na they're doing this not just for business. They're doing this because they know what they're doing, and I know they eventually fell in love with the scene. They brought their first major KPOP act here for a fan (who's actually the organizer's sister) so basically, may idea sila on how fans' minds work.

I'm not saying na yung isa wala. Pero I think ang pagkakaiba nito is marunong makisama yung pinagkakatiwalaan namin. And you know, that's what matters most eh. Because at the end of the day, hindi lang business venture ang KPOP. It's a community based on trust and respect.

Yes, respect. Even in the real corporate world, respect is the key para umunlad ka. And with all these things happening around, yun yata yung hindi ko makita. :))

...

I was watching KBS when I saw tweets of people telling Jungsu to stay strong. Instinctively, my heart grew worried, knowing that something bad happened. I thought there was a new issue. I thought he was caught up in a scandal. But eventually, I learned that his father and grandparents were killed in a car crash just a few hours ago.

Reality was worse than my thoughts, obviously.

I have lost track of Jungsu, I know and I admit that. But being his fan for years, I have known that he is really the person who values his family so much. He had always loved his grandparents. Also, I know there were differences between him and his dad before, but friends informed me that they have already settled everything and were making up for every opportunities they have lost in the past, despite Jungsu being in the military.

It was already painful to know that he, his mom and his sister had lost three family members in one night; but it is even more painful to know that he didn't even get to say goodbye. Serving the military as a regular soldier, we all know he couldn't just go home anytime he wanted to. He was away from his family when the accident happened.

I can hardly imagine how painful it is now for him.

I'm tracking the news via Twitter and tears were freefalling; especially when Donghae was mentioned. Before the younger member's dad died years ago, he asked Teuk to take care of his son; and we all have become witnesses to how the leader fulfilled and fulfills his promise.

Now, it's Donghae's turn to take care of his hyung.

Another thing that made me totally emotional is that people mentioned the accident from 2007. God knows how much that piece of memory affects me; and now that I am reminded of it once again, I can't help but cry.

When the accident happened, it's Kyuhyun who almost died. Teuk, then severely injured because of the shattered pieces of glass that pierced through his back and face, kept on murmuring his name as he was carried to the ambulance through a stretcher.

I know I'm kinda overthinking things again; but how sure are we that those memories won't resurface the moment they all gather together?

And how sure are we that those memories won't add up to the pain that Jungsu and his family is feeling right now?

God, I just want to hug Jungsu even in my dreams. Please, please let him know that everyone's coming together to pray for the eternal repose of his father and grandparents. And I know it would console him to know that everyone from the past and present is giving him, his mom and Inyoung, support.


Park Yongin abeonim, halmoni, haraboji.... Rest in peace.