Goodbye, Geng. `Til We Meet Again…

There will really come a time when no matter how much you hoped for something to happen, it will never do. And you are left with no option but to accept the fact that you lose the game.

It hurts, especially when it is the only thing you’ve ever wanted. You break down, lose hope, and little by little, you lose faith.

Right now, it’s how I feel. I don’t know which to believe anymore. I got lost in all these controversies when all I want to do is to find a way to get him back to us.

But though it’s hardest to admit this, I think we’ve lost him for now. Much to my dismay, it is he who had cut the ties. Much to my despair, I don’t think he’s ever coming back.

I know this is where this leads. Sooner or later, we’re gonna hear the most dreaded statements, the most feared decision; sooner or later, losing him will be official.

Coz though right now, he’s still ours in terms of contract, his heart and mind is no longer with us – well technically, that’s how it seems to be.

Because he’s decided to leave. It’s the reason for this concert. He’s working hard to buy his freedom back.

Yes, it’s disappointing to see him do that. I have promised to believe and yet, this is what’s happening. Yes it sucks but it is his decision. And the only thing I can do is to accept it. After all, it is his life – not mine.

This news – I knew of this on the eve of my birthday, and imagine the pain.Nothing could ever be more depressing than that. I tried my hardest not to think about it, but it’s bothersome that I almost gave up.

But when I read the news about him wanting his brothers to come to his solo concert and that they have given him their blessings, I suddenly see the light. I came to my senses and I know I made the right decision to believe.

If it’s true that he went back to Korea, I think I know his purpose now. He must have met his brothers, and talked things through. I guessed they settled everything already and that is the reason for this conclusion I have come up with:

I’M LETTING GO BUT THERE IS NO WAY I’LL STOP BELIEVING.

It might be hard but now, I understand that it’s just a matter of time. If I don’t do this now and I continue denying the truth, I’ll just prolong the pain and suffering that is killing me each day.

I promised to believe and forever, I’ll do. But yes, I’m letting him go. We’re left with twelve but it doesn’t make much difference. Because though there’s only ten left plus another two, I still see fifteen. Because in my heart, that’s how it’ll forever be.

I wish faith is enough to heal all wounds, and then there’s gonna be fifteen of them again – performing the most beautiful songs, fulfilling their promise of covering the whole planet with Sapphire Blue.

Soon, I’ll see them again, hands in hands as brothers, as one family.

Maybe not now… Maybe not anymore on this lifetime. But if not on Earth, then maybe I will… in heaven.

For now, Goodbye Geng… Until we meet again…