Just When I Thought I’m Worth Nothing

I must have done something good in the past, or I must have been doing something nice. After all, I must have been a good person to deserve this…

The overwhelming feeling of being appreciated is like the greatest thing I have ever received since a long time. I know this is not how it should be and all these emotions may just be brought by too much assumptions I feed myself.

But then this is the real thing. And I can never be any more thankful.

Last night, I get to meet XCrew again, and I have proven that I have done something good in this life. Jhane introduced me to them and I honestly was surprised about their reactions, and all I could say was.. ‘I’m sorry.’

And mind you guys, I don’t have even the slightest idea why I apologized.

Exaggerated, you might think. But I am at lost for words when I’m serious with them. Put me to a picture-taking session and then the ‘I’m sorry’ will make sense because I’ll really take the chance and grab the opportunity.  LOL.

But yeah, I was trembling and my hands were so cold. I couldn’t even look at the eyes of the male members. I am only brave when writing, knowing me personally will make you think that it’s not really me who’s telling these things.

You know why? Because it is the people I appreciate the most which are in front of me.

Here’s one trivia: I liked XCREW not just because they are awesome SJ cosplayers, but also because they are awesome people. There is something so undeniable in this group. There is something I know I can never find in any other.

During the event yesterday, there were few groups who performed Super Junior’s songs. They were okay, they did it well. But I still prefer XCrew.

Because the truth is: they have this controlling power. They have this strong binding force which ties me to them. I know this sounds creepy but it’s just how things are.

Charisma and aura – these are the binding forces why I can’t look at any other groups than XCREW. It’s like seeing and talking to SJ exclusively. The feeling is so obvious, nobody can ever deny it.

More so, when Jhane and Ate Jen hugged me, I was like… ‘Is this really the reward of writing a blog?’ I still can’t believe that just because of that one simple entry, I’ll get to meet these wonderful people.

I know, I’m not making sense. And I pray that no XCREW member gets to read this because I wouldn’t know how I will face them afterwards, for sure. But I have to say these things to be able to sleep tonight.

…

Thank you, XCREW. My words will never be enough to compensate.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.