Sorry, SJ. Sorry.

I don’t know how to start. I don’t know where to begin. We failed to give the boys the best of what they really deserve. They weren’t able to get the Disk Daesang. We, ELF, weren’t able to fulfill our promise to them.

I’m literally shaking and crying right now. My heart is hurting so much like it’s gonna explode. The boys wanted that award. I have seen how much they’ve worked hard for it. And I have seen how ELF all around the world exerted effort to help.

How can I compromise with the emotions when all I just want to bow down and cry and say sorry that we weren’t able to make another history?
How can I say I’m happy for SNSD when I have seen in the faces of the boys that they were disappointed that they didn’t make it?

This is the only thing they want for themselves. This is the only thing they need.

Jungsoo wanted to be congratulated by the end of the year.

This is Heechul’s birthday wish.

It could’ve been a good compensation when Yesung didn’t win a Digital Bonsang.

And yes guys, this could have been the best keepsake we can give Jungsoo and Heechul before they enter the army.

But we couldn’t.

And you know what makes me cry harder?

It’s the fact that this would be the best news to give Kangin. This could’ve been the best gift to welcome Kibum back with.

And this could be the best reason to make Hangeng come back.

THAT DAESANG DISK SHOULD’VE BEEN OURS.

…

The pain is so intolerable that no other news can make me feel okay. I’m disappointed with myself. I could’ve helped more. I could’ve done more. But I wasn’t able to.

Seriously, I don’t know what to feel right now. Tears are just flowing endlessly shaming all issues broken today. The sadness on the faces of the members, particularly Donghae and Siwon… It’s still vivid in my memory. :’(

I wish I can just tell them I’m sorry.

And I wish it’ll be enough to make them feel better. :’(