When a Disloyal ELF Talks about Loyalty to Super Junior...

Lately, I've been feeling so out of the loop. Since the time two other groups both decided to enclose and indulge me into a dimension of pure awesome, I forgot about Super Junior. As how I always say, it was like the spark was gone. Suddenly, everything felt unfamiliar and it was as if I just don't care anymore.

But I guess that's just gonna remain as an 'as if' because I just realized that there are still some things that will never ever change: I LOVE SUPER JUNIOR and I AM AN ELF.

Just like what Ate Chi said, Super Junior is like rice. It's like a staple food, necessary for our existence. We can never live without it, but we would need a variety of viands to eat it with. Otherwise, it'll be bland for our liking and definitely unappetizing. We need side dishes. We need other tastes.

Basically, we need diversions.

Being an ELF is tiring. That's one sure thing. For the years that I've been in this fandom, I have encountered a lot of things already that drove me to thinking that maybe it's really time to leave - delusional fans, warfreak individuals, mandating and know-it-all seniors, people taking advantage - there are a lot of those people here; and they stain the fandom's reputation.

But then, is there any perfect fandom in the world?

I guess the answer to the question is what convinces me to stay. The fact that we're still a work in progress despite being in existence for several years already make me feel like I have to stick around; because I want to see what we would all become in the future. I want to see the endpoint of these all, if there's even any.

Honestly, I believe in the potential of this fandom. I believe that we still got a lot more to offer even after a long time of proving things, and doing things together with and for Super Junior. I believe in our capacity to turn the tides and create more histories this industry would never have imagined.

But we can never move to a better place without being distracted. And that's okay! Getting attracted to other groups and forgetting about Super Junior for a while is normal. That just mean we're still capable of living our own respective lives. We're still sane because we still notice others.

That is why I find it very hilarious when people would easily talk about loyalty. Because of this, we even started a group and call ourselves 'disloyals'. But then, that's just for fun. Behind it is a deep and controversial question: Do we really have measure loyalty? We can't even define it properly, how much more measure it? What are the gauge?

To me, loyalty is such a sensitive aspect to thrive on. It is a very broad subject which will take forever to condense. It is something we cannot just integrate on all fandom-related matters, just so we can prove our love to a group we stan. Because at the end of the day, love and loyalty are not always synonymous.

I am not loyal to Super Junior, I can openly say that. I am actually loyal to myself, and my drive of emotions. But that does that remove my right from loving them? Just because I claim to be a disloyal one, does that mean I don't love them anymore? Hell no.


Super Junior had molded me to what I am right now. Seriously. If not for their motivation, I wouldn't have known what I really want to do and I wouldn't have taken the first steps to realize my dreams. Super Junior had been my life for several years, and that truth won't change anytime soon...

But I think we have to accept the fact that they have some companies in my heart at the moment.

Times passes by, and as we go along the way, we get to meet new people who will influence our lives the way these 15-member group did and is currently doing. To extend our horizon as a human being, we need to entertain new acquaintances, new idols, and new beginnings. But that doesn't mean we have to throw away what we had. Our heart is as big as a universe. We could always fit everything there.

Furthermore, as we grow old, the less important this fandom would be. Greater real-life priorities will come first. But for me, I will never forget that I was, I am and I'll forever be a part of the Sapphire Blue World...

Now, I'm not defying the possibilities though. I know that this might lead to total isolation; but goodbyes are definitely unnecessary. Even if I decide to leave, I know I'll always come back because I know I'll always be welcome.

After all, this is my home... and forever, it will be.

Be Fine

I… closed the door, not letting anyone in..

And cried just like that ㅠㅠ

Members I love you~ thank you!

Lee Sungmin's Naver Blog, April 30 '12

Kor to Chi Trans: iSungmin.cc | Chi to Eng trns by @paperheartsmin

I don't know what happened and even though curiosity is killing me big time, I don't want to dig deep on whatever that happened because this is something personal which I think we will never get to discover from Lee Sungmin.

But I hope and I pray that he's better now that he's back in Korea. A lot of things might have happened while they were in Jakarta and those things might have pained him so much to lock himself up in a room and cry.

But whaetever it is, I really hope he's fine now.

And just now, it hits me...

A part of me is actually hoping that Sungmin was referring to how he was before Super Junior. It's not a secret that this man is a very secretive person, right?

But who knows.

Whatever. I just want Sungmin to be okay.

The End of the Short Journey

July 5, 2010.

I woke up to a very gloomy day. It was one of the most difficult days for me. I had work then so I literally dragged myself out of the bed to go to office. I had no other choice. It was either I take a leave and sulk on what was about to befall; or I spend my day normally, hoping that things would change.

But obviously, it didn't.

I was monitoring everything on the internet. I was on Twitter even though I wasn't supposed to. That was the first time I experience such kind of whirling emotions. Few months ago, someone left. And then there came another. The pain was literally overwhelming.

It is not an exaggeration to say that I was literally crying in my workstation when the clock ticked 12NN. I even had to lock myself in the restroom of our office so I could give in to all the emotions that were bottling up inside me. My boss got worried. My perfect alibi was menstrual cramps, and I didn't know if she bought it.

When it's time to go home, I got Short Journey on loop and the whole time I was riding the train, tears were trickling down my face. I had to wipe it though even before it fall so people won't notice that I was indeed shedding waterworks. Occasionally though, passengers would look at me questioningly... And I didn't care.

Because that day, someone very close to my heart left for the army... Kim Youngwoon.

April 16, 2012.

It came unnoticed. Maybe I was just distracted by everything that's happening around me that I fail to realize that someone is coming home. The two years flew and right now, I still have mixed emotions. How to react? What to do? What to say?

But one thing remains true. Kim Youngwoon is still one of the closest people in my heart. And I'm just so glad that finally, he's coming back.

He left broken, and I know that he's coming back whole. The two years he spent as a soldier, I know, had turned him into a better individual - someone who is more capable of doing different things for the sake of the people he loves, someone who is much more stronger than who he had always been.

This is a very foreign feeling to me. It had always been goodbye for me. I wasn't there yet when Heenim and Kyuhyun went back to the group after in horrible accidents. So the memories in me were only departures. Kibum, Geng, Kangin, and Heenim all left - temporary or permanent. Soon it's gonna be Jungsu. So I can't help but be so emotional with this coming home. It ignites the wick of my hope candle. It makes me believe that the idea of seeing all fifteen of them on stage, even just once, is never impossible.

...

It's 12:52 AM in my time right now. In 6 hours, my prection Kangbear is coming back - brand new, whole and much much stronger. He had managed to brave through everything and I'm just so proud. What happened before are now regarded as painful memories which bonded us stronger and helped us all develop into better people and yes, family.

These tears I’m shedding now is because I’m so proud of you. Because as we fight the battle, you were fighting for us too. As we strive hard to protect you, you remained our shield trying to protect us from all the shrapnels they’re throwing.

You bravely caught all the arrows. You endured all the pain. You were wounded, you bled, but you managed to be strong. And just as I was thinking that it was you who we are defending all along, I knew and I realize when I saw you in blue shirt and gray cap, with a haircut fit for army,  that it was us who were kept safe… there.. in your loving heart.

You remained to be the strong benevolence that you are. You lived your name just when we all need it the most.

You stood stronger than ever, and that made me so much prouder of you. You did what you have to do, you admitted the mistakes, you suffered the consequences, you went through a lot.

(excerpts from here)

In a few hours, you're coming back home. And just like what I've promised, I think I am more than ready to say... 

'WELCOME HOME'.

Tips for Fangirls: How to Make Money Online during Summer and Beyond

Contrary to what others believe, being a fangirl is not an easy task. Aside from the fact that we are constantly in an emotional rollercoaster ride, our pockets are always devastated. Indeed, this is a very expensive hobby; and so we obviously need money.

Making money is another challenge, though - especially for students. Merchandises are definitely not cheap and not all parents are supportive of this interest. If they are, we cannot expect them to just provide for us all the time. Somehow, we have to learn how to make money on our own... which is definitely not easy.

So guys, I'm giving you some tips on how to earn the cash to finance your fandom needs, without leaving the precious computer. I hope that through this compilation, you would find the drive to be independent when it comes to this kind of matter:

1. oDesk 

oDesk is definitely a nice site for those who wish to work at home. I personally hasn't tried working for it yet but according to Irev who earns through this site, people look for employers there. Then if hired, they're gonna work like call center agents, most of the time, as night-shifters. You're going to get paid like a typical full-time worker through Paypal. Freelancing is possible in oDesk too. Usually, jobs offered here has something to do with content writing, seo marketing and secretarial services. If you've got what it takes, sign up now.

2. Nuffnang

Those who love blogging would love Nuffnang. It is an online community that posts advertisements on your blog, and the rule is: if people click those banners/skyscrapers, then you earn money. It's a pay-per-click campaign Nuffnang is focusing on. Although earning is quite slow here, as most readers really know what are ads and what are not, it wouldn't hurt to have your blog registered here. However, I think this is applicable to bloggers from Philippines, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia, China, Hong Kong and Australia may join! But I'm pretty sure, they're working on extending their services to more countries!

[CONTINUE READING HERE]

We're Sticking With You Forever

Thanks for all ur concern everyone. Jus like to say…no one knew that the incident a few years ago would happen…not even my label… It is nobody's fault. I totally understand the hearts of ALL the fans and what you thought then..or now. However, I'm very thankful for everything that has happened till now. It has taught me not to simply take everything I have right now for granted. There are those who rise up so quickly they forget and simply take in all this love/support/fame they're getting for granted. I've learned to appreciate each and everyone out there who supports me in any way…every applause/every scream. I've learned to 'earn' it instead of having it handed to me. That's why I can't jus walk passed a fan like its nuthin...nuh uh 

During these years after my debut, it is true I haven't been promoting much. Many might think its a bad thing but to me…it is actually the best thing for me. I have used this time to learn new instruments, languages, music production, vid editing, etc, and even had the time to attend the school of my dreams. A lot of artists out there especially in the kpop scene are so busy promoting that they cannot have time to do anything. I'm so thankful that I have this 'extra' time because I honestly don't consider myself good at anything yet. This time has given me a chance to improve and prepare myself for the day when I will need it all. My dream is not to simply appear on tv and promote and be 'famous' but I want to become somebody who all of you can truly look up to and respect as an artist in all areas. SM has given me the opportunity to do all this, and for that I am forever thankful. I'd like to thank you all for your concern and I promise I will continue to work harder and harder. You Strings are awesome. Just stay with me a little longer. :) :) 

You know what I'm thinking? I think that at this very moment, there is no one who can equate to the maturity of this man called Henry. 

I am not really in the mood to figure out what the article (to which this is Henry's reply) coz I am sick. But I couldn't help but linger on the thought that this kid had indeed made me prouder not just of him, but of myself, as well.

It is not a secret that Henry went through a lot. Along with Zhoumi, it was a rough ride for them due to some people who cannot accept their existence. But look who managed to handle it well! He had long proven to us all how awesome he is as a person, but I really don't know how he gets to unconsciously uplift himself more and set greater inspirations for us to live with. Indeed, I am so proud.

And as I've said, his tweet had also made me proud of myself. Come to think of it, since I indulged myself in this fandom, I have professed that I will be protecting this man with everything that I have. I promised myself that whatever happens, I will stick with this kid and support him with everything he wants to do. In my own way, I will shower him with all the love that this world knows he deserves.

Henry, you are a ninja and you are an artist; but more than that, you are a good person...

And we're not staying a little longer... WE ARE STICKING WITH YOU, FOREVER.