I'm Giving You Everything Tonight

NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT I'M ACTUALLY FALLING IN LOVE... HARD.

But more than that...

I AM FREAKING SO PROUD.

HEY YOU HENRY, 

WHAT EXACTLY CAN YOU NOT DO.

I know you are a piano expert. But how can you fit in a band so freaking fine like you've been trained and all to be in that position? How can you come up with an awesome arrangement of a rap song like a boss? How can you be such a freaking expert in making everyone else drop their jaws? How can you pick the right songs in the right time and own it and convince us that you are singing from the heart?

How can you be such a perfect guy, Lau?

Thank You for Staying Strong, Henry.

Credits: AKIRA (@akiraa101)

I guess I need not to deny the fact that I went to Super Show 4 Singapore for Jungsoo. But as things have eventually gone complicated and for some personal reasons, I saw myself paying more attention to the fact that I’m going to see Henry again. Yes, as February 18 came close, I realized that what I was actually looking forward to is seeing the youngest perform Lighter in front of my very eyes.

And the most awaited date came. 

I was one of the people who helped StringswithHenry distributethe banners inside the stadium. When I was first asked by Zhen if I would agree, the first thing that came to my mind was 'Are there Only13 there?' She told me that it was a question she has no answer for. That quite rattled me. Honestly, I am afraid of encountering people who do not support Henry and Zhoumi because I am afraid that I might burst. It might not be obvious but I am so protective when it comes to this maknae so I don't want to get into any confrontation, especially that I am in other country. 

But thank God, nobody rejected the banner when I gave it to them. Some are even thrilled that there were Henry banners being provided. Cutting the story short, it was a smooth job for me.

And then the concert started. I don't want to talk about Jungsoo anymore so let me head straight to the times when Henry came out. 

excuse my sandwich. hehe

If I am not mistaken, the first time he appeared on stage was for his solo. I tell you, I was literally crying, while raising my StringswithHenry towel (AND I'VE GOT TO THANK WEILING FOR FORCING TELLING ME TO BUY A TOWEL OTHERWISE I WOULD'VE GONE REGRETFUL.) Since the second stop of SS4, I knew already that I will do everything just to hear Henry sing Lighter live. It was a meaningful song to me, and I really was sooooo proud of him when he was singing it:

This one's for you and me, living out our dreams

We're all right where we should be.

With my arms out wide, I open my eyes and now, all I wanna see

is a sky full of lighters... a sky full of lighters.

You and I know what it's like to be kicked out, forced to fight.

But tonight, we're alright.

So hold up your lights, let it shine.

I may not be there yet when Henry first started (along with Zhoumi, of course) but I am not an idiot not to know that this kid had actually gone through a lot before he was eventually accepted by people. Although there were still somepeople who doesn't really like them, at least he now is strong enough to stand on stage alongside his hyungs. 

Basically, Henry's life as a Super Junior member is a success story. Lighter could really pass up as his anthem. After years of struggles and pain and hardships, he is now where he should be. And although I have always been so proud of him, I know that from this day forward, I'll really be raising up my lighters to him.

During SS4 Singapore, I realized how great Henry is as a person. Okay, here's the account:  Strings with Henry decided to hold the project in our area and in Pen A. My friends and I were in Section 212 at the balcony while Weiling and her friends were at the standing area. During Henry's solo, we were holding out our banners and although I didn't notice, Weiling said that it was really successful coz everyone was raising it up.

Then after the solo, Henry frequented our area. And that's actually the first time I saw him staying in a section aside from the main stage (well except in the Philippines where he is practically everywhere.) Jungsoo was usually there too because in front of us was his banner and a lot of his towels (since we're there and in front of us are representatives of AngeLeeteuk) but it was the bratty maknae who I was mostly paying attention to. He was just there and he even looked up on us because there were only two of us raising his towels on the upper area. 

Okay. I'm getting lost. So fast forward?

There was this part (I forgot the song) when he was thrown two towels of Strings with Henry. Probably it was Weiling who did and Henry managed to catch it. The maknae even got his own banner and it was really cute seeing him admiring the project which was started solely for him. He took the two towels and the banner and he put it on the sides. From how I've known it, he must have been trying to save it coz he probably wants to bring it backstage after the concert.

Then he went back to his position and then he was thrown something. He read the message there and then he looked at the one who threw it, and then he raised it up and mouthed 'THANK YOU'. I was at the 8th row of balcony section but I clearly saw his mouth move to say those words. This is funny but I guess I have to admit that I actually teared up after seeing that scene.

Credits: Kariyuki Photography (kariyuki.weebly.com)

That was when I realized that if there's one member who knows how to appreciate fans the most, it would be Henry. I know that other members have actually did the same thing already but I guess it's more special when it came from someone who actually had to go through needle holes all his life as an idol. It's more sincere. It's more authentic. It's more real. 

Like how Zhen said, "Because he doesn't have many fans(in the past), now every single one is important. ^^" That basically summarizes everything.

Just last night, I tweeted Henry some sweet words. I thanked him for existing and for proving me and this world that the most important thing to reach your dreams is to stay strong. He imparted me that message unknowingly and I'll forever be thankful for it. 

Henry and I are of the same age. I'm even older by a few months but so what? it's fun learning from people who are younger than you anyway. ^_^ Especially if it's Henry. =)

I know I didn't make sense in this post, but I just want to somehow express how I'm really feeling right now. It's not that I don't care about Jungsu anymore. It's just that I want the world to know that Henry Lau deserves all the love in the world. 

So Henry, as you are a ninja, I am hoping that you would come across this post and realize that one night and you managed to change someone's life in an instant. And I know I'm not the only one. So yeah, keep on reaching the stars and just focus on attaining your goals. We'll be behind you, protecting you always. :)

Stay strong. Stay beautiful. Stay humble. 

I love you, brat. More than anyone else now.

We Deserve SS4 Manila

I got to watch Super Show 4 in Singapore but the first blog that I have to make is about SS4 Manila... and how much I would do anything just to have it again.

Manila has been a stop since Super Show 2. Since we are a third world country and we are really striving hard for the ticket sales, we manage to pull off two great one-night shows (SS2 and SS3). Fans may have been a little passive during SS2 but on SS3, we have proven the world that we have what it takes to impress the boys.

But now, Manila was scraped off the list for the reason that the stage won't fit. I saw the one in Singapore. Yes, it really wouldn't fit. Especially if it's gonna be held at Araneta. But just like how everybody says and what we have always been saying, SS3 stage was redesigned. Why can't they do that with SS4? Because of the water fountains? The railings? The cranes? The moving stage? The balloons?

Come on. It just doesn't make sense. Dream Entertainment, please understand that Gaia was right. Even if we use only the main stage, we wouldn't care. We could just bring water guns to get them wet. We could manage without balloons falling from above. We could tolerate if there aren't cranes. SO LONG AS THEY ARE HERE.

I am getting depressed. I wanted to do something that would make them feel special. I wanted to hear them say thank you Manila or Philippines, coz that would probably be the only time my country will get remembered by these boys.

HONESTY HOUR.

I wanted to leave the fandom. I wanted to stay away from the immature and bratty fans that are now overtaking our world. I wanted to just lock up myself and be deprived of everything. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to be someone else that does not concern Super Junior and its fans. I wanted to be someone ordinary...

...I wanted.


PAST TENSE.

credit as tagged

True, I found another group to stan that's why I felt like I'm drifting away from the boys. But as I saw the picture above, I was brought back to my senses. I realized that whatever happens, these boys will always be my babies and this Sapphire Blue World will always be where I belong. To hell with the people who keep on ruining the name of this fandom.

On Feb. 16, we'll be flying to Singapore to watch Super Show 4 there on the 18th. No, I'm not boasting. But I just want to let everyone know that I'm on my way back home...

See you, Super Junior.

I missed you a lot.

Dear You,

I honestly lost track of time. No, I guess it's okay for me to say now that I forgot... until I was reminded that there's gonna be something today - which happens to be your 29th birthday.

Maybe, I moved on already? Maybe I'm okay? Maybe, I have already shrugged the pain your sudden departure has brought since it has already been two years? I really don't know, except the fact that yeah, I'm okay now.

And I guess, most of us are, already.

But of course, there are these times when I just have to surrender the fact that I miss you - to the point that I want to turn back time. I tried to shrug it all off by the idea that maybe, the emotions are all just part of the fact that I miss the whole gang. But no, I know I miss you for who you are.

I miss the softness of your voice. I miss how it's always calm and soothing. I miss your smiles even though I could no longer tell which among those are real and fake. I miss how you would protect your members in SJM (especially Donghae and Henry). I miss everything.

But I guess I've learned to accept the fact that it would never happen again...

...although I also learned how to believe in miracles.

I know I promised to believe. Everybody did. But people get tired. You know that so well and I think I might have learned that from you too. It's human nature, after all. And besides, I have let you go when you decided to leave. You wanted to control your destiny and I was made to believe that it is our fate to separate.

Nonetheless, I offer you support. Maybe not like how I used to anymore, but in my heart, I will always cheer and hope for the best for you. Because you deserve that; you do deserve that.

So happy birthday... Take care of your health. Stop smoking, okay? And yeah, thank you so much for all the memories.

With all sincerity,

Me. 

One Time Big Time Rant (A NOVEL)

Just want to let out something RANT-WORTHY again. (Gotta let this out even if I'm working coz I'm freaking pissed off still, like that.)

This morning, I woke up to a video on Facebook posted by a famous personality. In the video, they were in a car. It was evening and I think they're going around Myeongdong (?). Then a Korean woman who's in the scene called Kim Heechul. When the almighty Heenim picked up the phone, she told him that there are Filipina fans who came to Korea who wanted to talk to him. I couldn't understand Heenim's reply except 'JINJJA' then the girl apparently said that the fans would just like to say  'HEENIM, HI!' so he agreed.

I was literally spazzing coz it felt so perfect waking up to a Kim Heechul speaking in English. He's been in service for five months already and hearing his voice (aside from his radio stints) somehow eases the longing.

To cut the story short, I am happy...

...until I learned that the 'FIXED' on the video is for the fact that it was a second video, and the first video uploaded actually EXPOSED the cellphone number of the Space Big Star.

TRUTH: My first reaction was to know the number. A friend gave it to me, then. I'm not gonna be hypocrite and tell you that I wasn't thrilled. Of course, I WILL BE THRILLED. But believe me or not, I no longer feel happy having it.

I felt that way when I saw Tiff's tweet. Obviously, it was HEENIM who she was referring to. I honestly felt guilty that I even asked for it. Heenim is still a person, after all, and he values privacy even when he's an idol, especially that he's in service.

Please don't start me with issues of double standards. I got his number, yes. But I find no use with it. As if I can call him? As if I can send him a message? It's not like I can brag about it as well - and hell no, I won't brag about it. My annoyance lies on the fact that in the video, my country was mentioned. It was just... ugh. First, it's the Kyochon Filming. Now, this? And worse, HEENIM?! Someone humor me!


I know you all see where I'm coming from. I share the same sentiments with other Filipino fans who are irritated with the incident. During SS3 Manila, many people actually exerted SO MUCH effort to prove this princess how much the country loves him. And obviously, it was a success. Heenim loved the Philippines - THAT'S A FACT. He wasn't drunk when he tweeted that he 'fxxin' loves Manila. He really enjoyed being the royalty and I could justify my claims with proofs...

...which I won't reveal.

Because I know that there are things that are supposed to be kept as secrets.


I talked to Tiff this morning after I learned of the issue. She was annoyed, and no, you wouldn't want to annoy her. We shared the same sentiments and our minds were fucked up with the fact that there was an apology issued (but not directly) yet the same video (although fixed) was re-uploaded. Now talk about the purpose of the apology being defied.

Heechul-Petals' founder told me that Heenim's calmed down now. But even she, herself, cannot be assured that things are okay. I viewed HP's tweets and learned that Heenim actually contacted the site and that his phone's off and he couldn't have his number replaced yet since he has a contract with iPhone for two years. And that just blew me all off.

I remembered Ate Chichi's tweet. The problem with fans nowadays is that everyone wants to be ahead of everyone else. That's bullshit. We already had the freaking story of Kyochon's filming here. Now we have this number-exposing incident... and worse, it's Heechul that's involved.

Until now, I still feel like crying. Yes, I enjoyed the video coz I enjoyed hearing him speak in English but it creeps me whenever I realize that he is apparently being used for popularity purposes. It's unfair. A famous personality, of all people, should understand how much privacy means to another famous personality. This could've passed if things have been dealt with properly.

At this very moment, I am rummaging my mind for some possible and honest reasons why I should stop getting annoyed. I thought of possibly, she didn't notice that the number was actually flashed before the camera and she just realized it when the video was on Youtube and spreading like wildfire already. I want to give her that benefit of the doubt. If I were her, I would also document my conversation, honestly.

But again, the thing is, she apologized but she re-uploaded the video. What exactly is the reason for that?

My head hurts. Everybody knows that I am sensitive when it comes to Heechul. It's hard to explain. Even if I'm stanning on Jungsu, Heenim's opinions and perceptions toward things matters more than anything else to me when it comes to this fandom.

As this day ends, I want to convince myself that things are okay now, even if I am still tremendously annoyed. But then I can't help but think that it's not. Tiff said that she wishes that the girl who uploaded the video would have the decency to apologize to Heenim personally, since she got the number already and she's friends with one friend of Heenim (who I believe is pissed off right now as well - just an assumption coz Heenim, of course, might confront her since she's the bridge). And I agree, and together, we hope that he will be nice and he will forgive her...

Coz I really don't want to get nervous anymore. The least thing I want to see right now is a pissed-off Kim Heechul. It's fucking scary, even if I don't know him personally. Remember the Shanghai incident? Everyone thought Heenim was fine because Jia said so, but later on, he tweeted (and then later on delete) something like 'FUCK SCAR! I'M NOT COOL!'. I don't want a second round of the fear I felt that time.

I wish this teaches us all a lesson. Discipline is one thing that attracts an idol. Believe me. Heechul values that a lot.

***

And to those who keeps on badmouthing Tiff. I'm not gonna defend her that much since I bet she can handle you all on her own, but I just want to tell you one thing. She never spread useless rumors about Heenim. She has her ways of contacting the idol and Heenim really has contacts with her and the site. And for those who doesn't know... She is the one who gave the idol the title SPACE BIG STAR. It was a project. And all these star-buying-for-idol projects? It was her, along with HP, that started it.

Also, she's not your 'delusional fangirl'. She's actually married, so there's no basis about your accuses. =) Thank you very much. :)

Rain Gods' Destinies

As expected SUPER SHOW with Rain! - @siwon407

You know what?

I think it's not a secret anymore that in most of their concerts overseas, it rains. Hence, their tag as 'RAIN GODS'. I don't know why. Sometimes, I wanna kick them all to Africa or where there is intense drought. Often, I laugh it all off saying such things happen by chance... But come to think of it, I think everything's happening for a reason.

Maybe I'm just being superstitious and I guess it comes along with being a Filipino... But you see, rain symbolizes blessings. In my country, even if we end up being flooded all the time, people believe that rain means blessing. I think we're not the only race believing on that.

So yes, it just fortifies my belief that Super Junior's popularity is fated. It's not just by chance that they are on top, and I mean it. They are destined to be the number 1 group in the world, and the years of ups and downs which we've spent together with them are enough proofs for that claim.

It's not that I'm being biased and all. Honestly, I have another group I fell in love with and I'm kinda missing a lot on Super Junior-related issues nowadays; but I guess, this belief of mine is one thing that will never change. Even though a lot of groups debut and decide to overthrow Super Junior in my heart, I will forever believe that this fifteen men (YES, FIFTEEN.) are still and will always be the number one.

:>