There are really certain things which paint a genuine smile on your face just when you thought nothing couldn’t. Good thing I have proven it true.
Yesterday and today isn’t for me. Really. Apparently, I’m losing track of everything. I’m breaking down – emotionally and physically. And I’m wishing it wouldn’t affect my sanity.
Lots of things had happened. Things had been said. I was hurt. I was deprived of that thing called ‘pride’. But I couldn’t fight back. I can do nothing. I’m off against an unbeatable opponent. After all, I’m battling with someone I can call ‘myself’ too.
It was difficult. Very difficult.
But these photos managed to bring me back to myself. Seeing Sung Min’s smile and cuteness didn’t fail me. Until now, I was wishing that I could be a part of this team – working hard together, but definitely happy.
I wish I could be part of this ‘family’. So things would be better.
It was a horrifying experience. In less than four hours, our house was submerged in water leveling up to my waist. The last time it happened, I was still a kid so I know nothing. But this was different.
My father wasn’t here when it happened. He was in the province taking care of a business. I couldn’t ask him to go home immediately because our area is no longer passable by any kind of vehicle. Water from the river leveled up to the bridge so it was really impossible.
From then, I knew we were on our own – my mom, my older brother and me. When water started to enter our house, it was just like 3:30 in the afternoon (Philippine time). And as adrenaline rush took over us, we put all things we can to safety. Luckily, our house has a second floor, which served as our evacuation place.
We called my uncle to help us with the refrigerator. That was quarter to 4, I guess. And when we got it to safety, that’s when I noticed that the water level that was just in my ankle raised to my knees.
Panic clearly overwhelmed me. I didn’t know what to do. I switched off the main switch of our electricity so no electrocution may happen. I told myself to be ready but seems like I cannot.
Then, there was total blackout in the area. Meralco had cut their service for safety. Good. But the bad thing was that we were caught off guard. Our mobile phones weren’t fully charged. There was only one single candle in our stocks. We didn’t know what to do. And I didn’t know how to help my mom.
Using the remaining battery of my phone, I desperately called for help from my friends, though there was nothing else to lift. But what I needed then was emotional assistance. I was so stressed. I was so nervous. I was holding back tears when help arrived at 5:30. When I heard someone calling my name, I started crying. At last, someone came. The water was up to my hips already.
They came to check if we were okay. Surely, we’re not. But as I saw them, I saw hope. They provided me with what I needed then: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. They told me that water wouldn’t get any higher. Then they left.
We were on our own again when I noticed that they were wrong. As the rain started to fall again, water raised to my waist. It was the worst. I started crying again as I tried to help my mom find food in the kitchen with a candle light. We haven’t eaten since lunch. Our three dogs had not eaten for the whole day. That was just 6 in the evening.
Night came with me crying in one corner of my brother’s room. That was the first time. My courage left me and handed me down to trauma. I was just praying: “Lord, tama na. Please. Natatakot na ko.” (“Lord, this is enough. Please. I’m getting afraid.”) My mom was crying too. When we try to look at our first floor, it was like seeing the sinking Titanic. It was horrible. Our wooden sofa set was floating. I thought then: Water can really be destructive.
After eating uncooked meatloaf, I told my mom to rest. As she was trying to sleep, the scene downstairs kept appearing in my mind. So I have to look for an escape. I tried to open my phone but it wouldn’t. The battery was drained.
That’s when I remember Super Junior. I started singing their songs and imagining their videos. With the help of the candle light, I was able to jot down things I thought I could put in this site. I tried to remember Teukkie and everything about him , Hee Chul and his pranks, Han Kyung and his broken Korean, Ye Sung and his epic jumps in EHB, Kang In and his smile, Shin Dong and his aerobic dance steps, Sung Min and his ever being so cute, Si Won and his gentlemanliness, Eun Hyuk and his way of making a baby sleep (WGM), Dong Hae and his kid-like attitudes, Ryeo Wook and how he jumped to the pool (EHB), Ki Bum and his eyes; and Kyu Hyun and his voice.
After quite a while, I noticed the rain stopped already. Super Junior made the time pass quickly for me. I was nearly crying again when I realized that they were really my relief when I have nothing. Yes, this may sound TOO exaggerated but I wouldn’t create a story to say I’m a fan, just after a traumatic experience.
It was almost eleven in the evening. My mom went down to check and saw that water is slowly subsiding. I mentioned a prayer and then looked up at the sky. It was supposed to be totally dark but it seemed like dawn. Then I realized, God must have made another promise – that life could never be so dark.
My faith saved me from greater trauma. And I believe that God used Super Junior as His instrument in reminding me that no matter how painful things could be, there is still a reason to smile.
Thank you, my Lord for constantly looking over us. Thank you, Super Junior for never failing me.
It has been so long since I felt this loneliness, this pain. It’s as if everything turned their back against me. And now, I can’t seem to understand how I feel. I just want to rest. Definitely.
Is this how Kang In feels now? After everything that had happened… Does he feel the way I do?
But he’s lucky. Coz he can feel the comfort of people he loves. Coz he can see what he is supposed to feel. Teukkie is there. The rest of Super Junior members are there. He won’t feel deserted.
Opposite to my situation.
One question. Do tears really have to fall? Do we really have to see tears flowing to be convinced that someone is hurting? It doesn’t make sense. Why can’t people understand that not all tears define sadness. And not all sadness are defined by tears.
At the moment, I am wishing that someday, I’m gonna find someone who will just hug me without me, asking for it. Someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I’m going through. Someone to care for me the way I’ve always wanted to be taken care of.
Someday, I wish to find the Super Junior to the Kang In that is myself.
Coz like him, it’s not everyday that I am strong. Coz it’s not everyday that I would want to hear excuses saying “I don’t need to show you what I’m doing.” Come on. There are times that one has to see to believe. Emotions can’t be trusted at all times.
I’m pretty much emotional tonight. Maybe I’m just missing lots of things now. Maybe I’m just missing myself. And I pray that Kang In’s issue will be resolved soon.
I can’t tell whether that glistening thing in his face is a tear or just because of the picture. But whatever it is, I can’t help but be moved by this picture. After all, this is my angel – tired and would want to rest.
Whatever his reasons for closing his eyes are, can’t you just feel the stress enveloping him? Being an idol is really tough. I’ve been saying that a million times already. And Teukkie is not an exemption.
Whenever I look at this photo, the longing to hold the angel’s hand is getting more and more intense. I wish I could just comfort him. I wish I could be beside him.
The tears. The pain. I wish I could just take it all away. I wish I could be worthy enough to at least make him smile. I want to ease away all the hurt in him. I want to be the one for him.
But it’s impossible. Not that I don’t believe on chances but Teukkie is a dream. I don’t even know if the time will come that he will read this post. But the truth remains that I will do my way to comfort him: SUPPORT. ALL OUT SUPPORT. FOREVER.
You’re seeing my angel. You’re seeing Lee Teuk – the Super Junior leader. But above it all, you’re seeing Park Jung Soo. You are seeing Peter Pan.
I can’t remember where I read this but as far as I know, Teukkie doesn’t want to grow up that is why Hee Chul gave him the nickname Peter Pan.
I pray that he really doesn’t grow up. Because though I may sound selfish, this is the person that I love. Always cheerful. Always happy. Even though there are times that he becomes emotional, he still manages to go on and live through – just like a child.
I can’t help but stare on Teukkie on the image above. I couldn’t get enough of it. I miss this person. And I wish that no matter how painful these days could be to him, and to the rest of Super Junior, he would still be able to be the child that he is.
And just like a child, I know Teukkie needs comfort. Because sometimes, a listener needs a good listener too.
As I was trying to find something to cheer me up, I read on my twitter account that Super Junior M released the Korean Version of Super Girl just today, so being a Super Girl wanna be, I watched it.
And it didn’t fail me.
I was really entertained with the English lines on the song. But what I really love the most is Donghae’s part: HE’S NOT SUPERMAN. HE MUST BE MAMA BOY. hahahaha! Go watch it to know what I’m talking about. ^^
Then a serious thought came to me…
I realized that Super Junior is really ready to take Asia by storm. Four years after their debut on 2005, here they are now. Though Super Junior M is only a sub-group, what difference does it make? They are still Super Junior.
I wasn’t able to follow them since day one. But I believe that I have lots of time left to do that. ^^ And as promised, I’ll love them forever. ^^
When I saw this picture, I was really like: IS THIS REALLY SUNGMIN!? But as I stare at it on his CyWorld page (Yeah, I got it from there too), I realized that indeed, it is him. haha.
This picture gave me a chocolate syndrome attack. And I would like to direct this post to my friend who really loves Sung Min. ^^
Regene and I have been together since third year college. And after a year, she became a sister to me. Though others think our personalities crash, we have proven them wrong. :)
When it comes to just anything, Rhedj would be my best buddy. Haha. We can talk about anything. As in anything. No matter how serious our conversation is, we would always end up laughing. We would just enjoy.
And through this picture, I just want to tell her how much I appreciate everything she does for me. I am not used to being this sweet to this child. (This is actually the first time that I’ll be writing for her.) But nevertheless, I would want her to know that I love her so, because as I long for a younger sister, I found her. :)
This picture isn’t enough. But I hope that seeing Sung Min the way you’ve always wanted to will somehow compensate for everything. ^^ Let’s continue loving Super Junior. Let’s continue loving each other ^^
Right now, I’m smiling… I’m pretty certain that she’ll be slapping me tomorrow for this. hahahaha!
**REGENE, o ayan, bruha ka. hahahaha. ayan na yung picture na sinasabi kong antabayanan mo. hahahaha! I know you’re gonna love this.**