Thursday, March 13, 2014

There was one comic strip being shared on Twitter recently. It shows a little girl who entered a museum, introducing herself as a new member of a fandom. Another girl welcomed her and asked her politely to just go around and explore everything. And the little girl did, to her heart's content. When she realized that she had filled herself enough, she went back to the other girl and asked where the way out is. The older member just smiled and shook her head.

And immediately, we knew there's none.

It was a mere comic strip created for the entertainment of everyone who can relate. But at the end of the day, everything is based on reality, and the strip basically summarizes the reality of fangirling. And I tell you, I'm not different from that newcomer several years ago. I entered the fandom, thinking that it would only be a one-time thing and that I can always leave when everything gets too overwhelming; but I was told there's no exit.

But seven years after, I found it. Maybe it was a door to another fandom but at least I found the exit from here. That's why this blog lacked updates. That's why I spazzed less. I used 'maturity' as an excuse but the truth is, I've just grown tired of everything in here. I have convinced myself that I don't like Super Junior anymore, and that I've gotten over them finally.

It was relieving. My other bias groups haven't reached the status of SJ before in my heart so it was amusing how light everything is for me now. I don't feel the need to buy albums and merchandises. I don't feel the need to watch concerts and pay for thousands of pesos for tickets. I don't even feel the need to update myself of everything that's happening.

But I don't know why. And perhaps, I don't even want to know. Suddenly, I found myself sobbing ugly while watching Super Junior's MIRACLE. Heck, I didn't even know how I was led to this. I was watching videos of Lee Hongki and then suddenly, I'm on a journey down the memory lane.

I may have gotten out of the maze; but I miss them. My mind tells me it's okay and that I'm getting by; but you know? My heart hurts. And I'm not saying this just because I want you readers to sympathize. I'm saying this because it's the truth. I couldn't look at Geng and Kibum because no matter how much I diss those two, I miss them. Especially Geng. Especially HANGENG.

As I watch the video repeatedly, there are some thoughts running in my head:

Kahit pala anong layo ko,
Kahit ilang beses akong magsabing ayaw ko na...
Babalik at babalik din pala ako talaga.
Siguro, hindi kasing tindi ng dati.
Siguro, hindi kasing bigat ng nakaraan.
Pero mas totoo na yung pagmamahal na mararamdaman.
Corny, oo. Pero wala eh. Yun yung totoo.

Yun pala yung ibig sabihin ng pagiging ELF.
Yun pala yung ibig sabihin ng 'everlasting' sa pangalan ng fandom.

I used to tell people in the past that ELF means FOREVER, until I thought I ate up all my words because I couldn't stick with the group.

But now I realized that perhaps, it is indeed for forever. 

And i'm just so happy to have finally felt that.


  1. hi! I read some posts related to Sungmin on your wordpress and put a comment on it (but wordpress didnt cooperate with me well, the comment was cut -_-). but as I thought you wont read it so I comment here. haha such an annoyimg me, sorry ㅠㅅㅠ

    so I need your help (?). well I'm not some newbies but I'm just missing the old times (?) so I've been search up things. one thing is about Akilla. could you please give me the link where the you read the whole story/review about that musical? I was still in my primary school at that time so yeah... still couldnt update this and that like that. so... please? >/\<

    1. i'm not entirely sure where to find that whole story/review stuff because most of it are in korean and im not that fluent to understand :)) akilla was five years ago and it's awesome to know now that there was a primary school student back then who loved it haha

  2. so when you read the whole review back then was in Korean too? ah so sad ;; I was so curious about it. but thankyou anyway! ^^

    hahaha I was sooooo into him and I am still into him till this second >< he filled my innocent brain thats why I cant escape ;;

    1. Actually, no. I didn't read any review of Akilla on Korean blogs. I just sort of depended on Ming's cyworld then and all the translations at SJ World. But from what I remember, it was a royal-themed musical. If I'm not mistaken, it was his first and all I could really remember was how he teased us all with his posts. :)))

      Hmm.. how old were you then!?!?!?!?! HAHAHAHA

  3. yes, his first musical >< ah and now its really hard to find the old posts from his cyworld tho.. :/ that "killa killa" things xD omggg why shud I fangirl over his past (?) lol ;; btw r u a Ming stan or ELF only or what?

    I was about 11 yo and he is alr my third bias HAHAHA the very first is actually Hyukjae.. but i still couldnt rmmb them well one by one, so Hyukjae passed (??) then the rly first i fangirl was Mr. Cho as my sis biased him too and fangirl over him evday.. then i moved on to Ryeowook, this time his period (??) was longer than Cho.. then I got into Sungmin till today.. w/ some intermezzo (?) between tho, but still SJ members xDD lol im being strange again w/ my broken eng, sorry! ^^;

    1. Woah You sure had history XDDDD

      killa killa yes! haha uhm. lol i don't even know what to call myself. I stan Leeteuk though i really started with kyu too. but bring me all them together and i'll probably disregard the leader and follow henry, chul and zhoumi around :p

      ming is a special case for me tho haha i love that man from the moon and back, like no one can compare. he's just the sweetest <3

      i think you can try other old sj blogs. they'll most probably have that


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