Thursday, May 17, 2012

When a Disloyal ELF Talks about Loyalty to Super Junior...

Lately, I've been feeling so out of the loop. Since the time two other groups both decided to enclose and indulge me into a dimension of pure awesome, I forgot about Super Junior. As how I always say, it was like the spark was gone. Suddenly, everything felt unfamiliar and it was as if I just don't care anymore.

But I guess that's just gonna remain as an 'as if' because I just realized that there are still some things that will never ever change: I LOVE SUPER JUNIOR and I AM AN ELF.

Just like what Ate Chi said, Super Junior is like rice. It's like a staple food, necessary for our existence. We can never live without it, but we would need a variety of viands to eat it with. Otherwise, it'll be bland for our liking and definitely unappetizing. We need side dishes. We need other tastes.

Basically, we need diversions.

Being an ELF is tiring. That's one sure thing. For the years that I've been in this fandom, I have encountered a lot of things already that drove me to thinking that maybe it's really time to leave - delusional fans, warfreak individuals, mandating and know-it-all seniors, people taking advantage - there are a lot of those people here; and they stain the fandom's reputation.

But then, is there any perfect fandom in the world?

I guess the answer to the question is what convinces me to stay. The fact that we're still a work in progress despite being in existence for several years already make me feel like I have to stick around; because I want to see what we would all become in the future. I want to see the endpoint of these all, if there's even any.

Honestly, I believe in the potential of this fandom. I believe that we still got a lot more to offer even after a long time of proving things, and doing things together with and for Super Junior. I believe in our capacity to turn the tides and create more histories this industry would never have imagined.

But we can never move to a better place without being distracted. And that's okay! Getting attracted to other groups and forgetting about Super Junior for a while is normal. That just mean we're still capable of living our own respective lives. We're still sane because we still notice others.

That is why I find it very hilarious when people would easily talk about loyalty. Because of this, we even started a group and call ourselves 'disloyals'. But then, that's just for fun. Behind it is a deep and controversial question: Do we really have measure loyalty? We can't even define it properly, how much more measure it? What are the gauge?

To me, loyalty is such a sensitive aspect to thrive on. It is a very broad subject which will take forever to condense. It is something we cannot just integrate on all fandom-related matters, just so we can prove our love to a group we stan. Because at the end of the day, love and loyalty are not always synonymous.

I am not loyal to Super Junior, I can openly say that. I am actually loyal to myself, and my drive of emotions. But that does that remove my right from loving them? Just because I claim to be a disloyal one, does that mean I don't love them anymore? Hell no.

Super Junior had molded me to what I am right now. Seriously. If not for their motivation, I wouldn't have known what I really want to do and I wouldn't have taken the first steps to realize my dreams. Super Junior had been my life for several years, and that truth won't change anytime soon...

But I think we have to accept the fact that they have some companies in my heart at the moment.

Times passes by, and as we go along the way, we get to meet new people who will influence our lives the way these 15-member group did and is currently doing. To extend our horizon as a human being, we need to entertain new acquaintances, new idols, and new beginnings. But that doesn't mean we have to throw away what we had. Our heart is as big as a universe. We could always fit everything there.

Furthermore, as we grow old, the less important this fandom would be. Greater real-life priorities will come first. But for me, I will never forget that I was, I am and I'll forever be a part of the Sapphire Blue World...

Now, I'm not defying the possibilities though. I know that this might lead to total isolation; but goodbyes are definitely unnecessary. Even if I decide to leave, I know I'll always come back because I know I'll always be welcome.

After all, this is my home... and forever, it will be.


  1. I don't know what to say anymore after read this... but i feel betrayed... and i hate it.. i'm your 'fan' but now i feel sad.. I'm your 'fan' because your words always comforting me,,we always have the same thoughts about SuJu and ELF.. but now ? i really don't know what to say anymore.. hope you only joking about this..

    i know we need to grow up but 'leave' word hurts me a lot.. esp when you said "Being an ELF is tiring" ... honestly i'm crying *still sobbing*

    I am sorry i have unfollowed you on twitter,,because i don't like other groups and now you spazzing a lot about other groups.. #HardcoreELF

    Sorry,, but its too hurt.. feel dissapointed to you.. Bye for now!

    1. Hi anon!

      First of all, it felt bad that you felt betrayed.. but i guess, you're missing out on something which I have actually implied above.^^

      I won't say this just to make you feel better but I just want to express this: I never really fascinated the thought of having 'fans' because i'm not an idol, and the count of followers doesn't really matter to me; but because I love my readers a lot, I just want you to know that Super Junior will always be the most important group for me.

      It has been a long time since I went to WeLoveLeeteuk. This is because I am trying to detach myself and prioritize the real life. It's not a secret that I am the breadwinner of my family. Because of that, I carry a big responsibility.

      Furthermore, something personal happened that I just had to be missing for a while.

      But that doesn't mean I totally abandoned my life as an ELF.

      I never thought I'll have to explain this, but you see, just because I've been spazzing on Kris the last few days (or months), that doesn't mean that I am forgetting SJ already.

      As I have pointed out on my blog, I need some distraction. I found that on EXO, particularly Kris. Because these kids remind me so much of how Super Junior was when I first started in this fandom. Also, it's difficult to resist the charm of that bitch-face glory. ^^

      I may have gotten tired of SJ, but it's a normal feeling which I think you'll eventually feel later on. I'm getting older and I have decided to set another standard of fangirling. Along with my friends, we decided to live life normally and as fun as possible.

      Now, if that would make me look like I'm contradicting everything I've said in this blog, I wouldn't apologize. Instead, my sorry will go to the fact that I might have been really disappointing to those whose hopes will falter because of me. (i kinda cringed on this because i don't want to believe that this blog actually changed lives).

      I know that at the end of the day, you will understand where I'm coming from. And when that time comes, you know you'll always be welcome in my followers list. ^^


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