Lately, I've been feeling so out of the loop. Since the time two other groups both decided to enclose and indulge me into a dimension of pure awesome, I forgot about Super Junior. As how I always say, it was like the spark was gone. Suddenly, everything felt unfamiliar and it was as if I just don't care anymore.
But I guess that's just gonna remain as an 'as if' because I just realized that there are still some things that will never ever change: I LOVE SUPER JUNIOR and I AM AN ELF.
Just like what Ate Chi said, Super Junior is like rice. It's like a staple food, necessary for our existence. We can never live without it, but we would need a variety of viands to eat it with. Otherwise, it'll be bland for our liking and definitely unappetizing. We need side dishes. We need other tastes.
Basically, we need diversions.
Being an ELF is tiring. That's one sure thing. For the years that I've been in this fandom, I have encountered a lot of things already that drove me to thinking that maybe it's really time to leave - delusional fans, warfreak individuals, mandating and know-it-all seniors, people taking advantage - there are a lot of those people here; and they stain the fandom's reputation.
But then, is there any perfect fandom in the world?
I guess the answer to the question is what convinces me to stay. The fact that we're still a work in progress despite being in existence for several years already make me feel like I have to stick around; because I want to see what we would all become in the future. I want to see the endpoint of these all, if there's even any.
Honestly, I believe in the potential of this fandom. I believe that we still got a lot more to offer even after a long time of proving things, and doing things together with and for Super Junior. I believe in our capacity to turn the tides and create more histories this industry would never have imagined.
But we can never move to a better place without being distracted. And that's okay! Getting attracted to other groups and forgetting about Super Junior for a while is normal. That just mean we're still capable of living our own respective lives. We're still sane because we still notice others.
That is why I find it very hilarious when people would easily talk about loyalty. Because of this, we even started a group and call ourselves 'disloyals'. But then, that's just for fun. Behind it is a deep and controversial question: Do we really have measure loyalty? We can't even define it properly, how much more measure it? What are the gauge?
To me, loyalty is such a sensitive aspect to thrive on. It is a very broad subject which will take forever to condense. It is something we cannot just integrate on all fandom-related matters, just so we can prove our love to a group we stan. Because at the end of the day, love and loyalty are not always synonymous.
I am not loyal to Super Junior, I can openly say that. I am actually loyal to myself, and my drive of emotions. But that does that remove my right from loving them? Just because I claim to be a disloyal one, does that mean I don't love them anymore? Hell no.
Super Junior had molded me to what I am right now. Seriously. If not for their motivation, I wouldn't have known what I really want to do and I wouldn't have taken the first steps to realize my dreams. Super Junior had been my life for several years, and that truth won't change anytime soon...
But I think we have to accept the fact that they have some companies in my heart at the moment.
Times passes by, and as we go along the way, we get to meet new people who will influence our lives the way these 15-member group did and is currently doing. To extend our horizon as a human being, we need to entertain new acquaintances, new idols, and new beginnings. But that doesn't mean we have to throw away what we had. Our heart is as big as a universe. We could always fit everything there.
Furthermore, as we grow old, the less important this fandom would be. Greater real-life priorities will come first. But for me, I will never forget that I was, I am and I'll forever be a part of the Sapphire Blue World...
Now, I'm not defying the possibilities though. I know that this might lead to total isolation; but goodbyes are definitely unnecessary. Even if I decide to leave, I know I'll always come back because I know I'll always be welcome.
After all, this is my home... and forever, it will be.