A person looks up to another not just because of the latter’s talent, beauty or wit. A person idolizes another person because of personality; because of characteristics.
Another thing, one idolizes someone because he wants to be just like that person. I don’t know for the others, but for me, it’s because I want to be loved the way my idol is being loved by me.
I just thought of these things when I read several comments about Lee Dong Hae. After talking a lot about Eeteuk-oppa in my recent posts, no one would bother if I shift to Dong Hae this time.
The death anniversary of Lee Dong Hae’s father is approaching. And as every ELF knows, Dong Hae-oppa hasn’t fully recovered yet from the loss. Well, here is something I knew I’ve been thinking a lot of already: Dong Hae’s love for his father actually taught me how to love my dad.
You see, a lot of people say that I am sweet and thoughtful. But honestly, I find it hard to show those traits to my family. I am too afraid that the sweetness won’t be reciprocated by the same thing. They aren’t the type of people to tolerate my choco-syndrome, as what I call it, especially my dad.
But Dong Hae taught me how to take the risk. Unknowingly, his great love for his dad taught me to value my father more. Now that my dad’s far from us, (he’s supervising a business in another province) I can’t help but tell myself that I should have at least one dream for him – something I have to do to make him prouder.
My dad has been very supportive of my chosen profession. More than my mom, he is the one most willing to serve me meals during late-night hours of editing. He always tells me that he will always be by my side and that he’s doing everything he can for me, and for the family.
At first, I don’t really give attention. But after seeing how Dong Hae is to his father, I started to realize that I need a little change in myself.
I am doing this because I like Dong Hae. I love his moves, his humor, his beauty. But most of all, I want to be like him. I want to show my dad how much I love him too, just like how Dong Hae is to his father.
And someday, before everything’s too late, I will be able to tell my dad how great he is. Someday, I’m gonna make him proud of his only daughter, of his baby girl.
Now I get it why I love SuJu so much and why I consider them one of the best groups in the world. They have their way of teaching things. And I’m glad to be their student. :)
You see, I cannot fully understand the Korean language. I’ve been trying to learn Hangul for a while now but due to my busy schedule and tight budget, I can’t enroll myself in a tutorial. So I have to learn it myself.
I’ve been a fan of Super Junior for like half a year already. Thanks to the Filipina child-wonder, Charice Pempengco that I got to know Kyu Hyun first, and then the whole group. I thought, at first, they are merely a boyband with god-like faces and talents but I had proven myself wrong.
I watch their videos in the internet. That’s where I finished Full House with Super Junior. It was fun. It was entertaining. It was educational. (learning the Korean culture can never be this fun!) It was everything I never expected from a boyband as SuJu.
Then just this night, I got to enter a site which translates the CyWorld entries of the members. Being the die-hard Dong Hae and Lee Teuk fan that I am, I looked for theirs first. But it was only Lee Teuk’s that appeared often in the list.
So I read it, and I really fell in love with the SuJu member.
Lee Teuk-sshi is the leader. But in his entries from June 23, 2009 (my 20th birthday) to July something, I sense the sadness and pain which Eeteuk-oppa is going through. Being a hyung to the other 12 members, it really wasn’t easy.
I feel for Eeteuk-oppa. Having the biggest responsibility among the group and to the group, no one can blame him if he tries, even just in the internet, to be himself – TO BE PARK JUNG SOO.
‘IT’S NOT THE END… IT’S AN ‘AND’.’ - This moved me. These words that came from his diary entry. I can’t help but cry when I realized that these are the words I need. These are the words I have to live with.
There is one thing common between me and Eeteuk-oppa. We are actually sacrificing things for the sake of people we ought to lead. For him, being a hyung means accepting that there are sacrifices to be made. For me, being someone who is looked up to in terms of some aspects in life (i should say…modesty aside) means having to take all the pain before it reaches my dongsaengs.
I cannot blame Eeteuk-sshi for implying that he wish everything would just end. I often do that to. I get myself tired for a day or more, hoping that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. Being the leader is really difficult. Good thing Eeteuk-sshi is supported well by the other members of Super Junior.
Instead of completing my thesis and reviewing for two exams tomorrow, I indulged myself to know a little about EETEUK-sshi. And it was worth it, because as I know him, I get to know myself better too.
I have a tough personality. I have enough courage and strength to stand up against anything that hurts me. I thought I’m almost invincible. And yes, I just thought I am.
I don’t know where these tears are coming from. I was just watching Super Junior Full House’s last episode, the time when the group had to bid farewell to their guests, Anya and Eva. I don’t know. Maybe I was just too absorbed with the guys that I wish I could do a 3-month home stay with them too.
But just when I thought that this is just out of my insecurities and envy, I realized that there’s something deeper. I hate goodbyes.
I am crying because I know how it feels to part ways with people you’ve learned to love – people you have shared a part of your life with, people whom you have been a part of. I felt the pain.
Because for so many times, I heard goodbyes. I was left alone without enough explanations why. I just had to stay strong. I just had to survive. Nevertheless, the fear remains. I fear goodbye.
I wish there will come a time that the word goodbye will be deleted from the world’s vocabulary. So that no one will be in pain anymore, so that no one will be left-out…