I’ve just posted that I’ll be on hiatus but I don’t think I can start that break without having to write about the picture above.
Yeah. That is Heechulcrying.
According to the fanaccount posted in sj-world.net, Heenim cried on the part when they were singing ‘Shining Star‘. This was during their Super Show 2 in Beijing, China.
I don’t know. But I have my share of opinions. I think I understand why he does.
According to the article, this was the first time when Heenim cried in front of the fans during a concert. Yeah, he made the crowd laugh and gave his best but there was no way he could escape the loneliness.
I believe it has something to do with Geng. My angel was said to cry too, and I’m not sure if I would want to see a picture of it. The two eldest were in tears. The two eldest were hurting the most.
And no one could ever blame them for doing so.
They were in China. They were on the same land where Geng is, but they can’t be with him. And I know how it feels to be without someone so special on one special evening, even though he’s just there.
There are things which we would like to see but we couldn’t – for reasons we cannot know. We are forced to accept things blindly. We are asked to understand without being explained to.
It’s inevitable. There are times when we have to believe on the unknown.
I don’t know what came to me to write this way. These ideas and words don’t feel like mine. I don’t know where it’s coming from.
Maybe from the unconscious. Maybe from the deepest corner of my heart – a place which I haven’t been to, a place which I don’t really know exists.
I JUST MISS SEEING ALL THIRTEEN OF THEM TOGETHER.
Even just in pictures. Even just in videos.
I know what’s happening. I know why they can’t be together. But I thought I understand. I thought it would be easy to live with it.
This is the first time I’m speaking of this. I’m always trying my hardest to think positive. I’ve expected 2010 to be a lot better than 2009, but it doesn’t seem so. Geng’s still on his hiatus, we’re not still sure of if Kangin’s suspension will be lifted this year, and Kibum’s still prioritizing his acting activities.
Sorry. I’m out of my mind. I just can’t help it, really. I need to just get it out of myself. I’m really longing to see them all thirteen on stage, performing again. I can’t understand how it feels. You know, it seems not like just for entertainment anymore.Seeing them together has turned into a necessity.
Because to me, they’re my symbol of hope. I know it’s senseless. I know it’s absurd, but as I continue to wait for the time when they stand complete again, I know I’m gonna be able to tell myself that I’m okay. I know I’ll be better. I know I’ll be at my best condition as I was.
Aissh. Where do these words come from? What do these ideas mean? I’m so ashamed of myself for having said these things because it feels like I’m questioning fate. I’m sorry. I really am.
Stress is really killing me. I feel like I’m wearing Salazar Slytherin‘s necklace and it’s possessing me.
I really need to see them all thirteen. No, I need to see them all fifteen.