i love you.

I headed to the opposite direction.
Only to find myself coming back.


Love is love, after all.


It hurts me big time.
But it pulls me back always.


Love is love, after all.


Funny how everything became so serious
when I know for a fact all these are just dreams.


-.-"

I'm Giving You Everything Tonight

NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT I'M ACTUALLY FALLING IN LOVE... HARD.

But more than that...

I AM FREAKING SO PROUD.

HEY YOU HENRY, 

WHAT EXACTLY CAN YOU NOT DO.

I know you are a piano expert. But how can you fit in a band so freaking fine like you've been trained and all to be in that position? How can you come up with an awesome arrangement of a rap song like a boss? How can you be such a freaking expert in making everyone else drop their jaws? How can you pick the right songs in the right time and own it and convince us that you are singing from the heart?

How can you be such a perfect guy, Lau?

Thank You for Staying Strong, Henry.

Credits: AKIRA (@akiraa101)

I guess I need not to deny the fact that I went to Super Show 4 Singapore for Jungsoo. But as things have eventually gone complicated and for some personal reasons, I saw myself paying more attention to the fact that I’m going to see Henry again. Yes, as February 18 came close, I realized that what I was actually looking forward to is seeing the youngest perform Lighter in front of my very eyes.

And the most awaited date came. 

I was one of the people who helped StringswithHenry distributethe banners inside the stadium. When I was first asked by Zhen if I would agree, the first thing that came to my mind was 'Are there Only13 there?' She told me that it was a question she has no answer for. That quite rattled me. Honestly, I am afraid of encountering people who do not support Henry and Zhoumi because I am afraid that I might burst. It might not be obvious but I am so protective when it comes to this maknae so I don't want to get into any confrontation, especially that I am in other country. 

But thank God, nobody rejected the banner when I gave it to them. Some are even thrilled that there were Henry banners being provided. Cutting the story short, it was a smooth job for me.

And then the concert started. I don't want to talk about Jungsoo anymore so let me head straight to the times when Henry came out. 

excuse my sandwich. hehe

If I am not mistaken, the first time he appeared on stage was for his solo. I tell you, I was literally crying, while raising my StringswithHenry towel (AND I'VE GOT TO THANK WEILING FOR FORCING TELLING ME TO BUY A TOWEL OTHERWISE I WOULD'VE GONE REGRETFUL.) Since the second stop of SS4, I knew already that I will do everything just to hear Henry sing Lighter live. It was a meaningful song to me, and I really was sooooo proud of him when he was singing it:

This one's for you and me, living out our dreams

We're all right where we should be.

With my arms out wide, I open my eyes and now, all I wanna see

is a sky full of lighters... a sky full of lighters.

You and I know what it's like to be kicked out, forced to fight.

But tonight, we're alright.

So hold up your lights, let it shine.

I may not be there yet when Henry first started (along with Zhoumi, of course) but I am not an idiot not to know that this kid had actually gone through a lot before he was eventually accepted by people. Although there were still somepeople who doesn't really like them, at least he now is strong enough to stand on stage alongside his hyungs. 

Basically, Henry's life as a Super Junior member is a success story. Lighter could really pass up as his anthem. After years of struggles and pain and hardships, he is now where he should be. And although I have always been so proud of him, I know that from this day forward, I'll really be raising up my lighters to him.

During SS4 Singapore, I realized how great Henry is as a person. Okay, here's the account:  Strings with Henry decided to hold the project in our area and in Pen A. My friends and I were in Section 212 at the balcony while Weiling and her friends were at the standing area. During Henry's solo, we were holding out our banners and although I didn't notice, Weiling said that it was really successful coz everyone was raising it up.

Then after the solo, Henry frequented our area. And that's actually the first time I saw him staying in a section aside from the main stage (well except in the Philippines where he is practically everywhere.) Jungsoo was usually there too because in front of us was his banner and a lot of his towels (since we're there and in front of us are representatives of AngeLeeteuk) but it was the bratty maknae who I was mostly paying attention to. He was just there and he even looked up on us because there were only two of us raising his towels on the upper area. 

Okay. I'm getting lost. So fast forward?

There was this part (I forgot the song) when he was thrown two towels of Strings with Henry. Probably it was Weiling who did and Henry managed to catch it. The maknae even got his own banner and it was really cute seeing him admiring the project which was started solely for him. He took the two towels and the banner and he put it on the sides. From how I've known it, he must have been trying to save it coz he probably wants to bring it backstage after the concert.

Then he went back to his position and then he was thrown something. He read the message there and then he looked at the one who threw it, and then he raised it up and mouthed 'THANK YOU'. I was at the 8th row of balcony section but I clearly saw his mouth move to say those words. This is funny but I guess I have to admit that I actually teared up after seeing that scene.

Credits: Kariyuki Photography (kariyuki.weebly.com)

That was when I realized that if there's one member who knows how to appreciate fans the most, it would be Henry. I know that other members have actually did the same thing already but I guess it's more special when it came from someone who actually had to go through needle holes all his life as an idol. It's more sincere. It's more authentic. It's more real. 

Like how Zhen said, "Because he doesn't have many fans(in the past), now every single one is important. ^^" That basically summarizes everything.

Just last night, I tweeted Henry some sweet words. I thanked him for existing and for proving me and this world that the most important thing to reach your dreams is to stay strong. He imparted me that message unknowingly and I'll forever be thankful for it. 

Henry and I are of the same age. I'm even older by a few months but so what? it's fun learning from people who are younger than you anyway. ^_^ Especially if it's Henry. =)

I know I didn't make sense in this post, but I just want to somehow express how I'm really feeling right now. It's not that I don't care about Jungsu anymore. It's just that I want the world to know that Henry Lau deserves all the love in the world. 

So Henry, as you are a ninja, I am hoping that you would come across this post and realize that one night and you managed to change someone's life in an instant. And I know I'm not the only one. So yeah, keep on reaching the stars and just focus on attaining your goals. We'll be behind you, protecting you always. :)

Stay strong. Stay beautiful. Stay humble. 

I love you, brat. More than anyone else now.

We Deserve SS4 Manila

I got to watch Super Show 4 in Singapore but the first blog that I have to make is about SS4 Manila... and how much I would do anything just to have it again.

Manila has been a stop since Super Show 2. Since we are a third world country and we are really striving hard for the ticket sales, we manage to pull off two great one-night shows (SS2 and SS3). Fans may have been a little passive during SS2 but on SS3, we have proven the world that we have what it takes to impress the boys.

But now, Manila was scraped off the list for the reason that the stage won't fit. I saw the one in Singapore. Yes, it really wouldn't fit. Especially if it's gonna be held at Araneta. But just like how everybody says and what we have always been saying, SS3 stage was redesigned. Why can't they do that with SS4? Because of the water fountains? The railings? The cranes? The moving stage? The balloons?

Come on. It just doesn't make sense. Dream Entertainment, please understand that Gaia was right. Even if we use only the main stage, we wouldn't care. We could just bring water guns to get them wet. We could manage without balloons falling from above. We could tolerate if there aren't cranes. SO LONG AS THEY ARE HERE.

I am getting depressed. I wanted to do something that would make them feel special. I wanted to hear them say thank you Manila or Philippines, coz that would probably be the only time my country will get remembered by these boys.

HONESTY HOUR.

I wanted to leave the fandom. I wanted to stay away from the immature and bratty fans that are now overtaking our world. I wanted to just lock up myself and be deprived of everything. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to be someone else that does not concern Super Junior and its fans. I wanted to be someone ordinary...

...I wanted.


PAST TENSE.

credit as tagged

True, I found another group to stan that's why I felt like I'm drifting away from the boys. But as I saw the picture above, I was brought back to my senses. I realized that whatever happens, these boys will always be my babies and this Sapphire Blue World will always be where I belong. To hell with the people who keep on ruining the name of this fandom.

On Feb. 16, we'll be flying to Singapore to watch Super Show 4 there on the 18th. No, I'm not boasting. But I just want to let everyone know that I'm on my way back home...

See you, Super Junior.

I missed you a lot.