Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Truth About Fan Girls

Another SM baby, Jjong of SHINee, has showed his true feelings. He braved all the possibilities of bashing and hate from fans who think they own him. Same thing goes with his girlfriend, Shin Se Kyung.
What does this have to do with Super Junior?
After the revelation of Jonghyun’s relationship, people are expecting other SM artists to break it out in the open. And to my despair, they’re expecting it’s gonna be Park Jungsoo who’s next.


It’s not so much of a good joke, honestly. I’ve been affected when Donghee proposed to Nari and when Jjong (who is actually my bias next to Taem) was confirmed to have a girl. Those two guys made me tremble more for what lies ahead.
Then people on my dash started claiming that Jungsoo should be next. They even say that he should get married.
Really, I’m nervous. I’m so fucking nervous. I have seen how Jjong stans reacted. I have seen myself go out of focus for someone who isn’t even my top 1. I know myself. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle a Teuk-_____ issue anytime soon.
But then, when is soon?
Jungsoo is not getting any younger. I know that. He’s 28 and it’s about time that he settles already. You see, he has been tied up to this kind of life for so long and he really needs and outlet to balance things.
I know, he needs a girl.
Truth be told. It does fucking hurts. What pains more is that it can never be me. I believe, I have made this point clear already. No need to elaborate.
I’m left with no choice but to accept such heartbreaking truth. And just try to be happy for him. But will I be able to get through it?
That’s the question.
Let me tell you a story. I have this friend who I admire so much. She is a Jjong stan and she wasn’t on twitter when he learned of the issue. When I first read about it, she was my first thought, and she didn’t disappoint. LOL.
Nah, seriously, I admire her. She said she butthurts and she’s burning her house down, and she’s killing herself. She said she’s gonna be a hater and we’re afraid she might take it seriously and loathe on SHINee.
She said she’ll never be happy for Jjong and Se Kyung.
But look at her now, forever bitter but she’s getting on it.
Guys, it’s not overreacting. Should I be in her place and it is Jungsoo who was confirmed to be dating, I might just do worse. I might think of aborting all the connection I have with this fandom. I might even close this blog down.
Because you know what? Fangirling works like that. We fell for a person we know we knew, and who will never know us in return. As retweeted by a friend, it’s like this: You fell for someone so deep that you make your world revolve around him, then you’ll learn that he’s gotten somebody else.
The feeling of betrayal comes initially. Saying “it’s okay” and “it’s normal” would come from the nose and will never be meant. We will cry real tears, and we will hurt like no tomorrow. We’ll curse and we’ll vent our anger on the girl, and then we’ll lose focus on everything we need to do.
But one, why must we hate on the girl when it’s our biases who choose her? Second, why will we hurt on our bias when we promised that we’ll always protect his interests?


But at the end of the day, this is fangirling. And I am a fangirl.
This made me realize one thing…
I guess I’ll never be ready for the time when Jungsoo has to settle down. I can feel it’s soon since he’s about to enter the army in a year or two. I may not be happy for I’ll be bitter for some time but I can always tolerate the fact that he will forever be my bias… and nothing, EVEN MARRIAGE, can ever change that.
Lay out all the cards now, it’s about time that fandom is revolutionized.

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