Monday, December 13, 2010

A Fan Account

It took me a while to get this post done because it’s really very difficult to write about something I have no words for. I struggle for terms and ideas to come up with at least a decent entry so I can describe the fun I had that day.
But the gratitude is beyond words already and there are indeed some memories which are best kept in the heart. That is why as much as I would want to detail everything here, I just would not.
What is important, anyway, is that I met up with some members of X Crew last Saturday at the KPOP Convention 2 and it was so surreal that I couldn’t tell now if it really happened.
It was something I never thought I’ll experience. As a fan, it’s really very overwhelming to see them again on their normal personalities. But what’s more unbelievable is that I was with them for almost the whole time I was at the event.
And it was pure bonding.
We were at just one side, watching the show. They were dancing and singing, cheering and laughing. They were literally having fun.
Occasionally, I join in. But most of the time, I just stood at the back, hugging the sweet Jhane
and trying to tell myself that I am just a fan.
Because honestly, I felt like I’m not.
From the time I walked around the venue with Jet until the time I hugged them goodbye, it’s hard to convince myself that I have known them for just barely a month. They made me feel the sense of acceptance and made me realize that life knows how to make up to someone it has made fun of for so long.
Honestly, I feared the fact that I’m getting close to these people. I am afraid that when I get too comfortable with them, they might see something in me which may lead to their disappointments. I don’t want that to happen that is why as much as possible, I maintain this thin, strong line which separates me from them.
But that day, I realized that that line was ridiculous. That mindset was very unfair: to them because it might appear like I judged them that easily, and to me because I have initially deprived myself of the wondrous feeling of being their ‘friend’.
Indeed, I felt so much like a friend to them.
What made me feel more flattered is the fact that they have opened their world to me. I feel so welcomed and accepted. Imagine, I hear stories about how they started, of what they do, of how they think things are – straight from the members themselves. How awesome can that get?
But more than the information, the real blessing is the fact that I get to see them as who they really are. These people, being themselves, continue to surprise me like the first time I’ve been with them like this. It was worth the effort. It was worth the expenses. It was worth the dreaming.
As they said goodbye, Jhane and Jet asked me to come with them to MoA. Unfortunately, I can’t. I told them I still have to watch Jessica Soho; but the bigger reason is everything has been too overwhelming, I’m afraid that if I enjoy more, this stupid heart will literally fail me again. ^^~
Nevertheless, I wish I was with them, really. It could’ve been another memory to cherish and I could’ve been presented with more reasons to love this group – with or without their costumes on.
I love you, X Crew; and exaggerated as it may seem, thanks for continuously giving me reasons to continuously be proud of you. ^^~ From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
This entry's a REAL fail. Sorry. :'(

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