December 21, 2009 – one fateful day which changed the lives of so many Super Junior fan girls. This is the day nobody thought would ever come. Somebody gave up. Somebody longed to break off. Somebody left.
God knows how this day scarred my faith. He knows how much I bawled when I learned that Geng had decided to call it quits with the group. I thought he was just going to China for a vacation but he didn’t come back. Instead, what reached us all is a letter signed by an attorney stating the request of the Chinese prince to terminate his contract with SM Entertainment.
No warnings, no signs, no mercy.
But then I tried to understand. I swear I did. I listened to the two faces of the story and came up with the decision to support Hangeng no matter what. I was too occupied with the thought that I’m still an ELF and it is my duty to protect the interests of a Super Junior member even if it means he’s saying goodbye.
I let him go and I tell you, it was difficult. It was months after the declaration when I did so I can say that the decision to give him up was really well-thought of.
And now, it has been a year since this happened.
Honestly, I don’t know what to think of. The past year has been filled with uncertainties and heartbreaks. Statements have been released and no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I 13elieve, I am not sure if I can, anymore.
True, this is so unbecoming of an ELF. But sometimes, I have to give in to what I really feel. I love Hangeng so much that I still hope but the scar was too deep that I can no longer expect.