Shutting My Eyes

After the endless denials from the staffs of We Got Married, here is a proof that indeed, Jungsu is joining the program with on-screen wife, Kang Sora...

And friends say that Jungsu had to ask for ELF's blessing on Music Core to shoot this.

It's not like my feelings will be of any importance...but I don't think I can watch this.

I do not end with this words, though. I know that despite the jealousy and envy, I will still watch WGM with Jungsu on it. After all, I have always been curious how Jungsu would be as a boyfriend - especially to a girl who's a lot younger than him.

There's no clear emotions in me right now. I do not know what to feel and how to react. I am just a fan, after all.

That's it.

I am just a fan.

Maybe I just fear changes. Maybe I have just relied on the fact that Jungsu is my delusional romance and as long as he stays single, I'm fine to stay single too.

Maybe I just fear that since he's getting a wife (and the possibility of everything going into something serious is high), I will be left alone.

You see, one factor why I entered this fandom is because it gave me someone to love unconditionally. Of course, I'm not so delusional to think that he will know me and will love me back. But how do I explain it? I have seen Jungsu as my constant refuge. Like how I've said, I'll be fine as long as he stays single. But now that he's gone into WGM, we could not consider him as someone single anymore. And so I was put into thinking that I was brought back to the life I abandoned before I involved myself in this. 

I've gone around in circles... again.

Just a few things: I am not against Jungsu and Kang Sora being on WGM. I am not a delusional fan who would think that Jungsu is better off with me. I am not a crazy woman who would claim Jungsu as mine when he doesn't even know my existence. 

It's just that I feel so alone lately. And Jungsu joining WGM gave me a worse realization that I'll forever be alone.

I'm shutting my eyes on this issue. But how can I ever close my heart?