As much as I wanted to act like I am okay - fearing the incessant judgement and ridicule of people, depression took its toll on me and I guess that there is no way out of this state than admitting that I badly miss Jungsu.
Recently, I've been feeling a lot of stress because Super Show 4 has kicked off and up to this moment, there are only four countries confirmed for the show. Philippines is not in the list and it freaking drives me crazy to think of the possibility that my country may not get to enjoy this wonderful event.
Furthermore, the first day of SS4 in Seoul got me blank when Jungsu announced that he'll be entering the army next year. This was supported by some Taiwan news (and I don't know how they confirmed it) stating that the leader will most likely be joining the concert tour until April only.
It drove me insane because if that is true, we're left with five months; and with the uncertainty of SS4 happening in my country, I feel like I'm running out of time.
The way I feel right now is no joke. Actually, I have been telling myself for quite some time now that it is no longer healthy to stan the leader like this. But apparently, there's really no way out. Every time I try to ruin the reputation Jungsu had implanted on my mind from the year I made him my bias up to this moment, more and more reasons materialize in my heart to keep on holding on.
And now I'm missing him more than ever. It has been 9 months since I saw him and held his hand at the concert. I want that to happen again. I want to see him performing live, dancing in the stage, having fun, smiling brightly, and looking around the whole Araneta for his fans...
I want him to come again to Manila. :'(
Nine months. Yes, it has only been nine months and I'm feeling this nostalgic. I wonder how it would feel if he has to serve the army for two years. Experiencing it from Kangin and Heechul, it could probably be easy but I could never be sure when it's about Jungsu.
People may assume I'm crazy but I don't know. I just wish I could laugh it all off. But yeah, I just need to see him again.