Everybody knows that I am doing the notebook selling for Super Junior. The profits will go to TwELFs in support of the 5jib project of the Koreans. It had a clear intention. Now, I don’t know anymore.
When I read that tweet saying that Teuk said he’ll be entering the army after they won the GDA this year, I felt like I was splashed with cold water. Suddenly, selfishness ran through my vein and I was left thinking that if I continue this project, does it mean that I’m pushing Teuk away?
It was an absurd thought. I went crazy. I know Teuk will have to go to the army no matter what, anyway, so I kinda feel mad towards myself. But you see, it was difficult letting go of Kangin last year. I was terribly down and tears just wouldn’t stop falling. How much more if it’s Jungsoo’s turn to leave?
But then, what can I do? I am just a fan girl whose existence Teuk would never ever know. Whatever I say on this blog, I know he’ll never care even if he understands. He’ll have to go to the army so I am left with no choice but to give him everything I can to assure them of that GDA title once more.
It’s a written fate. A pre-destined one, which nobody could ever stop. So in the end, yes. I’ll continue this project, set my selfishness and absurd hallucinations and delusions aside, and do my best.
For that GDA glory… For Park Jungsoo to be happy.
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