Everybody knows that I am doing the notebook selling for Super Junior. The profits will go to TwELFs in support of the 5jib project of the Koreans. It had a clear intention. Now, I don’t know anymore.
When I read that tweet saying that Teuk said he’ll be entering the army after they won the GDA this year, I felt like I was splashed with cold water. Suddenly, selfishness ran through my vein and I was left thinking that if I continue this project, does it mean that I’m pushing Teuk away?
It was an absurd thought. I went crazy. I know Teuk will have to go to the army no matter what, anyway, so I kinda feel mad towards myself. But you see, it was difficult letting go of Kangin last year. I was terribly down and tears just wouldn’t stop falling. How much more if it’s Jungsoo’s turn to leave?
But then, what can I do? I am just a fan girl whose existence Teuk would never ever know. Whatever I say on this blog, I know he’ll never care even if he understands. He’ll have to go to the army so I am left with no choice but to give him everything I can to assure them of that GDA title once more.
It’s a written fate. A pre-destined one, which nobody could ever stop. So in the end, yes. I’ll continue this project, set my selfishness and absurd hallucinations and delusions aside, and do my best.