I was in Ortigas yesterday. When I got off the train, I instantly knew that there’s something in that place which I don’t want to see – EDSA Shangri-La.
Yes, that was the hotel wherein Super Junior stayed for two nights during their stay here in Manila. The place was just there – just one bus ride away from our house, but I didn’t go there that time.
Where do these regrets come from? Okay, let me tell you one thing. After the Super Show 2 concert, I became more restless than ever. Not that I’m not satisfied with the show… Come on, don’t get wrong. SS2 was the most awesome and most fantastic I’ve ever seen in Araneta but I felt like I haven’t done enough for the boys.
This worsen when a friend asked if I went to the airport to witness the boys’ departure. I said no, and she said that I should have gone there because that measures how much I love the boys. I knew from then that she’s right. Not with the thought that that’s how I should measure by being a fangirl, but with the implication that I didn’t even exert the effort to show the boys how much I love them.
I’m blaming myself now. Should I have prepared well, I wouldn’t have any regrets. Should I have been able to save enough money, things could have been different. I could’ve gone to the airport to welcome them. I could’ve gone to Shangri-La to check on in too. I could’ve gone to the airport to see them leave. I could’ve started fan projects. I could’ve given them something.
But I couldn’t. And I’m blaming my status and I’m questioning life for being so difficult on me.
I tried to walk to the hotel but my heart wouldn’t let me. It kept on aching and my tears keep on welling up in my eyes. Even when the bus I’m riding passed by Araneta, I couldn’t look at it. Because more than the joy I’ve felt that Saturday night is the feeling of overwhelming guilt that is currently taking over me.
I know I need a Super Show 3. And that has to be entirely different. I swear.