Friday, December 25, 2009

What We Don’t Know About Geng…

Behind the smile……
A story posted by a CCTV staff at Gengbar in Early 2009
Title: Just listen to wind singing…There is always love making us walk forward in bearing heavy burden
“After have grown up, I finally know, there were many times, paying and rewarding are not in the direct ratio. I don’t care too much about gain and loss, but experiencing the process, can be only known by myself.”
When I wrote down these words, I had complex feelings. What kind of position and mood I should hold when I am writing this article? I knew Han Geng since 2005, to now, we can call each other friend, during this period of time, friendship has been accumulated, which is prosaic, warm, steady and sincere. I just want to share a couple of tiny things with you, those all long passed, please just read it with a peaceful mind.
We had a pleasant cooperation with Super Junior in early 2008. I talked about performance matters to them at the backstage, everyone was listening carefully, but suddenly Han Geng fell backward straightly down, none of us was able to make immediate reaction. In my blurred memory, it was Siwon first noticing what happened, ran over and held him. From where I stood, I couldn’t see his face. what I could only remember is he huddled himself up like a baby, as well as his tightly gripped, slightly shaking right fist. During a few seconds, it was so quiet, extremely quiet, you could even hear everyone’s heartbeat, as well as his whisper: “I’m okay, I’m okay…”
Eventually, he still went on the stage and finished the performance. He seemed like another person on the stage, full of energy, each dance move was well accomplished with sufficient power…just left us staying at backstage getting cold sweat.
After that time, every time I met Han Geng, the image of his smile and that huddled shaking and thin body were overlapped in front of my eyes.
Now, I occasionally talked about it to tease him, “how come you are that weak as a Northeast guy (supposed to be strong^^)” He goggled at me and said “so what, who says Northeast guys don’t get sick?”
Okay, okay, I know you have big eyes, stop goggling at me~
Actually, it was a bit funny at the scene, I almost dialed 120 to call ambulance, but Mr.Kim (Han Geng’s manager) told me that Han Geng said he was fine, he could continue performing. Considering my duty, this was the best. Then I finally noticed why I was so stupid to call out 120, because Han Geng spoke in Korean at that time, I didn’t understand…when I asked him, he smiled and said “I was talking to Siwon.” Looking over the outside from his side, it was dark night.
All right, let’s stop here…I know, tonight’s wind, is a bit cold..
this part was written by the Geng fan.
This is the pic from that activity, CCTV China Olympic Year
No one could imagine what kind of pain behind such resplendent smile…we didn’t know until a year later…
and we know from then to now, it has been almost 2 years, his health condition is getting worse and worse.
Super Junior was there because Han Geng was Olympic Torch bearer…
the song they were singing on that day is A Man in Love,
in which Han Geng sings no single line…
cr: gengbar+bristlegrass+soompi
reup: cheonsa23@wordpress
Here’s something I found on soompi. And really, that was really, really heartbreaking. I was close to crying when I was reading this. Good thing I managed to convince myself that I cannot make myself be seen with puffy eyes and sad aura. It’s Christmas, you know. And in Christmas, everybody is expected to be happy.
Guess I shouldn’t have opened my computer at all. But I would rather know this than nothing.
I need not to elaborate things about this because everything’s self-explanatory. True enough, only fan accounts and fancams can ever show the reality of everything. Of course, official pictures wouldn’t show hurting artists. I then remember the fan video which caught Teukkie vomiting when he was suffering from sever stomachache.
And now it’s Geng.
It makes me cry to just think about his sacrifices. I’ve always been fascinated with his smile because it’s very relaxing and comforting – not knowing that behind it is the kind of unbearable pain which we didn’t expect. Last night, I was almost in tears too because from yurigoodoo, I saw the pictures showing Hangeng, in pain.
What should I think of? Hmmm… A prayer.
Oh, Holy Jesus, you came to this world and lived with us without thinking twice. You went through being human, through being vulnerable, through being ordinary. You became one of us and went through the same things we go through.Thank you for all the things we’ve received this year, and most especially, thank you for showing us the way to the Sapphire Blue world.
On Your birthday, I ask through Your Holy Name that You give us all the strength and courage we need to go through all these difficulties. Above anyone else, it is You who knows how to handle this because I believe that You went through the same.
Oh Holy Jesus, touch the hearts of everyone and keep us covered by your undying love forever.
Happy Birthday, Jesus. We love you.

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